


souhait accordé cycle 5.5

by littlemsmessy, ndnickerson



Series: souhait accordé [8]
Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Arguing, Blow Jobs, Bonding, Cock Rings, Couch Sex, Cunnilingus, Dancing, Date Night, Desire, Dinner Party, Dirty Dancing, Double Penetration, Drinking, Drinking Games, Drunk Sex, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hotel Sex, Jealousy, Light Bondage, Love, Making Up, Married Couple, Married Sex, Mild S&M, Missionary Position, Morning Sex, Multiple Orgasms, Office Party, Oral Sex, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Pregnancy Planning, Public Claiming, Public Display of Affection, Romance, Rough Sex, Sex Swing, Sex Toys, Spanking, Suicidal Thoughts, Teasing, Vibrators, Woman on Top
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-16 21:10:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 73,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2284590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemsmessy/pseuds/littlemsmessy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nancy and Ned's relationship evolves after they have recommitted to each other. This story falls during the six months following the end of cycle 5, and fills in the time before cycle 6 will begin. (Story by killingstreak, littlemsmessy, and ndnickerson.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 by ndnickerson.

In a way, it felt like going back in time.

Friday night, just after work. Wilburn and Lowe had come in to sign the contract on their new campaign, to shake hands and celebrate. Ned had landed the account and was their main contact; when they suggested enjoying a little nightlife, Ned hadn't been surprised.

Friday night. Walking into a room and seeing a hundred variations of the same expression on all the faces around him. Summer lingered in Chicago, pushing the threat of fall, of cold wind and dying leaves, a little further away. They were desperate to keep it, and the weekend sprawled before them, glorious and swelled with purpose, to forget the thousand stresses of the work week and just celebrate being young and free and alive. Their laughter was edged in both relief and a fear akin to desperation. With every moment that passed, Monday approached.

The floor-to-ceiling windows showed an unparalleled view of the neighborhood, a hundred warm lights outside, couples passing, crowded taxis, the whisk of rickshaws. The interior of the hotel bar was dark and modern, black and grey and velvet-purple, smoked illuminated glass and chrome. Lowe was married, or at least the band on his left ring finger said so; Wilburn wasn't, and was obviously looking.

"We need to celebrate. Maybe a good scotch?" Wilburn was grinning.

Definitely like going back in time. "Let me see what they've got. I'll be right back." Ned flashed him a similarly wide grin, heading to the bar, his hand coming down to pat his pocket. The silver band on his right hand tapped gently against his cell phone.

But he was in Chicago, not Los Angeles. His wife knew exactly where he was, and she was waiting at home for him—and the thought of going home to her didn't make him dread the shouting match or argument that would have come soon after, before. She was waiting at _their_ home, not his apartment. And he didn't have to scan the women seated at the bar, heart rising with twinned anticipation and fear, looking for that one particular silhouette.

Ned managed to get the bartender's attention. "Two shots of Johnnie Walker Blue, and one of apple juice," he said, handing over the company credit card. "Thanks."

"And who's the juice for, handsome?" the bartender asked, flashing him a red-lipped grin.

"Me," he said. "But let's just keep that our little secret, all right?"

A few minutes later, Ned returned to the table, and both Wilburn and Lowe approved his choice of scotch. The warm biting scent had made its way into Ned's nose on the way back from the bar, and that was like going back in time too. Nights when the dark smoky bite of it had gone weak as water as his buzz flipped over to full inebriation. Nights when that had only been the first vice he had indulged.

But tonight it was just dinner. If Lowe and Wilburn wanted to hit a strip club, that was up to them.

And the smell of the scotch wasn't making Ned desperate for it. He just didn't want the questions, and he took the shot just like they did: neat, one swallow, a subtle twist to his features.

"Whooo!" Wilburn crowed as he smacked the emptied shot glass down on the tabletop. "You sure you need to get home right after, Nickerson? This place is great and all, but it's Friday night!"

"And we'll do you a favor. You don't have to get started on the new campaign until Monday morning." Lowe gave him a wink.

Ned smiled. "Thanks. I'd love to go out... but my wife is at home waiting up for me, and she doesn't have to get up early tomorrow, either."

Lowe gave a dramatic sigh. "Well, you have to keep the wife happy."

Wilburn shook his head. "Just one more stop. I heard this really great place just opened down the block. Just one more drink, after this?"

Ned let himself appear to consider it, just to be polite. "Sorry, I'll have to pass. Maybe next time, though. If I'm out too late, I just start sketching out campaign ideas on napkins and then spilling drinks on them. It's a serious problem."

They lingered over dinner for another thirty minutes, and Ned spent that time concentrating on _not_ looking at his watch. Once upon a time, it had been the opposite. Before he would have stayed out late, later than the clients, in the hopes that Nancy would be asleep or at least too tired to argue when he came home, and he would have spent every minute he lingered over that last drink already feeling irritated in anticipation.

Once Wilburn and Lowe decided to head out, Ned signaled for the check, and he didn't flinch when he saw the price of the shots. The agency was doing well, and the cost of dinner and the entertainment would definitely be covered by the new, just-signed contract.

On the way out, after one last series of handshakes and well-wishes, Ned put his hands in his pockets and looked around. He didn't see anyone else he knew, but he saw smiling, laughing couples, men and women staring down into the glossy screens of cell phones, long polished nails and glittering diamonds. And everywhere, on every table, glasses of wine and bottles of beer, frosted martini glasses and highball glasses.

It was everywhere. The last time he had taken clients out for dinner, he had stuck to water and blamed an invented fading cold for his reluctance to drink. When he was with Nancy, she usually refrained from drinking. And he had promised her that he would never take another drink, if that was what she wanted. He would do anything.

He didn't know how one more drink would affect him. But if he went out to dinner with his wife or his partners, he wanted to believe they could share a bottle of wine without his needing to drink as much or as fast as he had before.

It wouldn't be the end of the world, to never drink again. It definitely wouldn't be the end of the world to never do coke again, or to never repeat any of the other mistakes he had made during that terrible time in their relationship.

But drinking with her and with his friends had been fun, once upon a time.

He was afraid of bringing it up, though. He had worked so hard on getting his relationship with his wife back to a good place that if he screwed it up now over something that really wasn't, in the grand scheme of things, all that important... and if he was out with another client and tired of pretending or making excuses, and one shot turned into another, then another...

He could just imagine the disappointment he would see on his wife's face if he came home drunk. He could very clearly remember how that disappointment made him feel, and the self-loathing that would make the next drink both easier and harder to take.

When he pulled into the garage attached to their home and pressed the button to lower the door behind him, he checked his watch. Not terribly late, and definitely not as late as he had been on his worse nights, but Nancy had been out of town on a case two nights that week, and he had missed her.

The interior of the garage was warm. Even after nightfall, the heat of the day lingered. It had been the kind of the night that would have been perfect to grill out with her on the back patio. Maybe tomorrow, if she didn't have a stakeout.

Ned had sent her a text as soon as he had slid behind the wheel of his car, and when he walked into the kitchen from the garage, Nancy was standing at the kitchen counter, in profile. His gaze traveled over her, drinking her in, tracing the familiar lines of her. Her reddish-gold hair fell smooth and glossy down to her shoulders, loose and casual. She wore a robe too, instead of the usual tank top and cotton shorts, and her legs were sleek and sexy in sheer silk stockings. As soon as he saw those, he immediately wanted to get under her robe. Stockings meant thigh-highs with garters, and whatever was holding up those garters was hopefully sheer, tight, and incredibly sexy.

She turned to him with a smile. "Hey honey! How was dinner?"

"Nice. A little too expensive, but nice. They wanted to keep the night going, and I did too... just in better company." When she came over to him, he opened his arms and she slipped hers around his neck, smiling when she kissed his earlobe.

"I thought strawberries and whipped cream and pound cake for dessert... something that wasn't too terribly heavy. Did you have dessert?"

Ned shook his head, hooking his fingertips under the hem of her robe and letting them glide up the silk line of her stocking. "Definitely not," he murmured against her neck.

She giggled and pushed his hand away, pulling back to look into his eyes; hers were sparkling. "Food first."

"Or at the same time?"

"Mmm. Not in this outfit."

Ned smiled. "You do know that you're not helping, right?"

She brushed the tip of her nose against his. "I'm kind of counting on it," she murmured, and smiled back at him.

The sweetness and ease between them, he had taken for granted for so long. When he looked into her eyes, he didn't see the hesitation, the fear, the wariness. They had both fully recommitted.

And the connection between them ever since their renewal ceremony, even since she had asked him to move back into their home for good, had felt like another honeymoon. He wasn't complaining. He knew that eventually they would settle into their life together again, that waking up in the morning to the smell of coffee brewing and seeing her smiling at him wouldn't feel like a gift, but it still did.

She brushed a kiss against his cheek and took a step back. "Dessert," she said, catching his hand in hers and squeezing it gently, then turning back to the counter.

They took their bowls to the couch and put their feet up, and she asked about the new clients and the campaign he was already thinking about for them. He told her about it easily. The atmosphere at NMC was so different from his previous job; between the three of them, they handled clients, using their connections to draw graphic designers, copywriters, media specialists and programmers into the organization. They could only do so much work, but the work they did was unique, their client list was short—and the waiting list was longer, of people waiting for a call, for a chance to score a campaign.

It had been better than Ned had dreamed it could be. And Nancy had encouraged him every step of the way, even when they had been separated and their marriage had been in the most danger it ever had been. But it wouldn't have meant as much, without knowing that she would be home waiting for him.

"And you? How was your day?" He nodded at the empty wineglass on the coffee table, at her other side.

"Hmph. Less exciting than I wanted."

Ned had to chuckle. "Only one gun pointed at you today, or only one set of handcuffs?"

"The day's young," she told him, her eyebrow raised, and Ned's temperature spiked even as she grinned. "But the good news is that I was able to finish up the case I brought home with me while you were at dinner."

"Did you have anything good to eat?"

"Dessert wasn't half-bad." She smiled. "I had a sandwich. When you aren't here to eat with me, it just doesn't seem worth it to go to a lot of trouble."

"I know what you mean," he commented, his gaze lingering on her lips before he brought it up to her eyes again.

She touched his lips. "So, I was thinking," she said slowly, her voice low and soft.

"Mmm-hmm? I already like where I think this might be going."

Her smile grew a little broader. "Labor Day weekend is usually booked pretty solid, but I thought it'd be a nice gesture if we hosted a little dinner for your partners and their spouses either before or after? You know, low-key, just a chance to hang out. You can say no," she said, searching his eyes.

"Oh... honey, that sounds great. We could grill out."

Nancy nodded. "And everyone can bring a dish—it seems like every time I turn around, everyone's on a new diet and I have no fucking clue what to leave out. Gluten, oxidants, meat, carbs, sugar?" She made an exasperated gesture. "That way everyone's covered."

Ned nodded. "I like it. I'll talk to Daniella and Chris on Monday and we'll put something in the books. So that means we're still on for Fox Lake on Labor Day?"

Nancy nodded slowly. "I'll pack some not-quite-as-slutty-as-you-like bikinis..."

Ned groaned good-naturedly. "Come on, honey. The stuff I like isn't... _that_ slutty."

She brushed her fingertip against his nose. "Too slutty to wear around Bess and George, anyway."

Ned considered. "Well..."

She shook her head. "No. Bess and George are already excited, and we might as well invite your parents and my dad up there, and make it a big group. We can sunbathe and play volleyball—"

"And _not_ ," Ned pointed out, "have super-noisy acrobatic sex."

"Guess we'll just have to save that for when we're home."

"Speaking of," Ned murmured, and touched the sash of her robe. "The strawberries and pound cake were nice..."

"And the whipped cream?"

He nodded slowly, still gazing into her eyes. "Whipped cream is nice, and if there was any left over, I'm sure we can find some creative use for it. Now, honey..." He hooked his index finger behind the knot and tugged gently. "What's the secret word?"

"You mean like open sesame?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Or abracadabra?"

"Or a promise to eat you out?"

"Mmm. Or... sex swing?" She raised her eyebrows a little, her smile becoming a grin.

"Baby, you know just saying those words lights a fuse," he said, mock-sternly. "You ready to put your money where your mouth is?"

"Oh, is _that_ what's on the menu for tonight?" She moved, pushing herself to her feet, and she placed her hands on the belt of her robe. "How about I give you a little sneak peek, and we'll just see how the night plays out."

Ned couldn't help it. His gaze was locked to her hands, his mouth dry. She slowly unbelted her robe and slipped it open, letting it fall down to her elbows, and he drank the sight of her in.

Whatever the name of what she was wearing—he didn't know, and he didn't really care—it was black and had spaghetti straps and it was low-cut, and below the fabric covering her breasts the material was sheer and molded tight to her toned flesh as her stockings, the edges trimmed in lace, ribbon garters holding up her thigh-highs. Small pink bows were tied between her breasts and on a band of lace just above her belly button. Tiny black lace panties were slung low on her hips, and she shifted her weight to one foot, resting her palms on her hips, a smile on her face.

"Fuck," Ned muttered. "Okay, you either have fantastic news, or really terrible news."

"Oh?"

He stood. "Baby, you look incredible. Good enough to eat. Literally."

She smiled. "Good."

"Seriously. What did I do to deserve this?"

She dropped the robe to the floor, then reached for him and caught his tie in her hand. "I wanted to treat my handsome, sexy husband," she said. "So we could have our own little private celebration once you were home. Ned, I'm so proud of you. You've been working so hard and I know how important the company is, to you. And I've missed you." She smiled again. "I know the honeymoon feeling is going to wear off sometime, but when I had to be away from you earlier this week, I hated it."

"And I hated being away from you too," he told her, following as she began to walk toward the stairs, still guiding him by his tie. He wasn't surprised, but he was pleased, to see that her panties narrowed into a thong in the back. "You look so fucking sexy, baby."

When they reached the top of the stairs, Ned took a large step forward and wrapped his arms around her from behind, nuzzling against her neck. She giggled and squirmed a little, and he carried her to their bedroom, putting her down and nudging the door closed with his foot. She turned around and her blue eyes were sparkling, and she looked happy, genuinely happy.

Early in their marriage, Ned had felt like he was living in a dream. Maybe they hadn't had a lot of money, and maybe they were still settling into what it meant to live with another person for practically the first time in their adult lives, but knowing that he was married, actually _married_ , to Nancy Drew, the girl who had stolen his heart when he was sixteen—that had been incredible. To find her snuggled up to him in their bed in the morning, to make dinner with and for each other, to know what it was like to have sex with the woman who had starred in almost all his sexual fantasies for a very long time, definitely felt like more than he had ever thought he would have.

But even back then, he hadn't known what losing her would have cost him. Being married to her for so long, believing things would always be as they were, and then losing her hadn't just left a hole in his heart. It had cleaved him in two. For the longest time they had shared everything. He would have sworn on his life, on her life, on anything that he would never ever feel the impulse to act on an attraction he felt to any other woman.

And they had managed to come through it together.

They had been slow together, tentative at first, like testing something that had been broken and repaired, afraid to trust it too much. Afraid it would fail. Now, though. Now he looked at her and there was no fear at all, only gratitude and love.

_It won't be like it was. It will be different. And maybe, in some ways, it will be better._

And if the cost for keeping their relationship stable and whole was never again touching alcohol, he couldn't say the price was too much. He wouldn't.

She raised an eyebrow when he took a step toward her, reaching for his fly. "Sex swing?"

He shook his head, and realized with some surprise that they had never used it while perfectly sober. "Tomorrow," he said. "If you're up for it. But I can't wait that long to get inside you, beautiful."

She smiled at him, stepping toward him so she could work on his tie.

The last time she had dressed up like this for him was when she had been desperate for his attention, desperate to salvage their relationship by reaching him the one way she had always known she could. He could still remember the first time he had seen her in garters and stockings, in his room in the Omega Chi house his senior year. She had looked so beautiful, and nervous too.

He knew that sometimes she dressed up because she wanted to look prettier for herself, but a lot of the lingerie, the garters and stockings, the nightgowns and teddies, she wore specifically for him. She watched his response to know how to feel. The outfit wasn't truly sexy unless it aroused him. _She_ wasn't truly sexy unless she incited his desire.

It was no wonder that she had connected his infidelity to a lack in her own beauty. He was very aware that when he dressed up for a night out, hearing his girlfriend and then his fiancée and wife admit that she found him incredibly attractive that way made him very aware of her reaction to him, too.

Her happiness, her eagerness, made her beautiful now. She had finally reached a tentative peace with her own appearance, and he was glad that anxiety or desperation about their relationship hadn't influenced her choice of outfit.

Feeling the warmth of her through the dark mesh fabric was intoxicating. She had his shirt half-unbuttoned when he kissed her for the first time, and he could taste the last traces of the wine, dark and rich, in her mouth. She slid her hands beneath his undershirt and he surged against her when her nails dragged down the skin of his back.

It had been a month since they had renewed their vows to each other. Only a month.

He kept kissing her as he hurriedly stripped off his shirt, as she dragged his undershirt up, and they broke apart only so she could draw it off him. The backs of her legs touched the edge of the mattress and she tipped off-balance a little, drawing him down with her.

He caught himself and pulled back a little, gazing at her, both of them breathless. The room was cast in shadow; neither of them had turned on the light. Her lips were parted and the strap of her outfit was at the point of her shoulder.

"Are you off for the weekend?"

She smiled. "Yeah, should be," she murmured, keeping her gaze on him as he crossed to their toy drawer. "I thought someone was too impatient to get started, to take the time to set up the sex swing?"

He flipped on the bedside lamp, then rooted through the drawer again, finally finding what he was looking for. "Well, if you're _really_ off for the weekend, then we can use it tomorrow night," he said. "Maybe while you're wearing that hot black corset-thing? Or while you're naked. Either way."

She sat back on the bed so her knees were at the edge, gazing with interest at his hand to see what he had pulled out to use. "You mean the one that leaves nothing to the imagination," she drawled, then peered at him from beneath her dark lashes.

And when he looked at her, what he felt for her, what he had always felt for her—God, it was like fire in his blood. "Yeah," he murmured. "It means so much to me that you're proud of me, but Nan... I don't tell you enough how proud I am of you and everything you do. I feel so damn lucky, to have such a brave, smart, jaw-droppingly gorgeous woman by my side. Nothing feels right without you. Nothing makes sense without you. And I love you so, so much."

Her smile widened. "I love you too," she said. "So, so much. Tell me what you want, honey."

"You," he told her, pushing his pants down and stepping out of them, his gaze still on hers. "Always and ever you."

She moved back on the bed as he moved onto it, back against the pillows, propped up on her elbows. She bent her knees and opened her legs to him, and he couldn't help looking between, the string of her black thong and the creamy waxed flesh visible beneath.

"Take your panties off, baby," he said, reaching for his own underwear. "Leave everything else on, though. If that's okay."

She unsnapped her garter clips and wriggled out of her panties, then resnapped the clips holding her stockings up, taking a little more time with it. She released her breath in a long appreciative sigh as he pushed his underwear down, leaving him naked save his rings, and made sure the bullet vibe was slotted into the sleeve before he began to work the cock ring on.

He liked this particular one. It was a little stretchier than the last one they had used, and while it still helped him hold out for longer, he wasn't constantly afraid it was going to break. The sleeve holding the bullet vibe had a short tongue-like protrusion on it, and Nancy loved to feel it hum against her clit, teasing her while Ned penetrated her.

She opened her legs to him again, slowly. The strip of darker reddish curls between her thighs parted as she did, and he could see the pink button of her clit. Ned smiled, and she parted her legs wide as he moved between—but he reached behind her, unfastening the top of her outfit.

"Hmm?" she murmured, tilting her head.

"Just wanted to be able to see your gorgeous breasts," he said, pushing the straps off her shoulders, tugging down the flimsy cups so her breasts were bare, her dark-rose nipples already hard-tipped. He leaned down and drew one into his mouth, and she arched as she moaned, letting him suckle against her.

"Mmm," she moaned. "God, that feels good."

"You know it does, baby," he murmured, and she whimpered when he rubbed his stubbled chin against her wet nipple before moving to the other. He was gentle when he bit her, when he rubbed his stubble against her, but having the cock ring on was more than a little distracting. Not to mention her stockings and garters, black satin and mesh against her pale skin, plugged right into some of his kinkier fantasies. He loved to cuff her to the headboard when she was dressed like this, to fuck her from behind while spanking her and feeling her constrict against his cock.

Not tonight, though. Later, not tonight.

He kissed the small pink bows, then breathed on her belly through the mesh and felt her abs clench in response. He nuzzled against and kissed her inner thighs, the hairless outer edges of her sex, and he could smell her arousal. He ran his tongue up the crease between her leg and torso and she shivered, moaning.

"Remember the first time you ever dressed like this for me?" he murmured, moving back up so he could look into her eyes.

She nodded. A faint gleam touched the hollow of her throat, her collarbones, the lines of her shoulders. "It took me forever to figure it all out," she whispered. "But that teddy snaps at my crotch, and I seem to remember you liking that..."

He smiled. "I loved all of it," he said. "I loved feeling you rub your slick hot pussy against my cock while you ground against me. I loved feeling you rub your clit against me until you were going crazy, you were so hot for me. And then, looking down at you underneath me, knowing that you wanted to fuck just as much as I did."

She smiled, but he could see something else in her eyes. "But we'd had that big fight," she murmured. "Part of why I put on that ridiculous outfit was a way of saying I was sorry... and a part of me wondered if we would always fight, until I gave my virginity to you, until you knew that I would always be yours."

Ned's smile dropped, and he shook his head. "I shouldn't have been so angry at you," he murmured, as she lowered herself to the bed, onto her back, and gazed up at him. "I just felt so desperate. I needed to graduate on time. I needed everything to be perfect... so I could ask you to marry me."

She reached up and cupped his cheek. "And when I married you, I gave you all of me," she murmured. "I feel the ridges of your fingerprints everywhere, on every memory I touch. The day you started moving back in with me, I felt more relieved than I could ever say. You're my heart, Ned. I could never love anyone the way I love you, because you're the other half of me."

"And I live for you," he breathed, gazing into her eyes as he parted her legs wide, stroking his fingertips against her inner thighs. "All my hope and joy and peace was dying without you... baby, my life and everything I have is yours, because you, you _are_ love. Every time you touch me or kiss me or hold me, I feel it all over again."

"And so do I," she whispered, her lashes fluttering down as he lowered himself to her. "It's not even an addiction anymore... oh my God, Ned..."

He teased her, grinding against her, lacing his fingers between hers and pinning her hands above her head. He kissed her earlobe, her cheekbone, her lips, and when he reached down and adjusted the cock ring, then turned on the vibration and moved it against her clit, her entire body shuddered under him.

"Ned," she moaned, tilting her hips up, and he caught her hand and pinned it again as they moved together. She wrapped her legs around him and he felt the whisper of the nylon against his bare skin, adjusting his angle to move against her more firmly.

She released a shuddering groan, her lips still parted even once she was just panting and rolling her hips against his. "You like that, sweet girl?"

"Yes," she whined, her hands flexing under his. "Baby, get inside me, _please_..."

He kissed her other ear. "Says the girl who wanted us to take the time to set up the sex swing," he teased her, grinding his hips against her again.

She sobbed out a cry. "Right there right _fuck oh fuck_ ," she cried out. "Ohhhhhh, oh _yes_..."

"Mmm. God, you feel so good," he murmured against her neck as she rocked against him, her breath catching whenever she managed to find the right angle. "So fucking good. I love you."

Her hips shuddered. "I love you," she panted.

He gathered her into his arms, pulling her up with him so that he was seated on the bed and she was straddling his waist, and she was already making soft sounds in anticipation as they moved the toy, angled his cock and she mounted him. "Oh... oh _fuck_ ," she moaned, sinking down onto him, her arms around his shoulders as he cupped her hips. She tightened when her clit came into contact with the vibrator again, and Ned groaned, the silky tips of her hair brushing against his face and shoulders.

He tipped his face up to look into her eyes, and her brow was furrowed in pleasure. "Ned," she whispered. "Oh God, oh _yes_..."

Her hair was a little messy now, tumbled down, the straps of her gown still down to her upper arms so that her breasts were free to tremble with her thrusts, and Ned thought she had never looked sexier. He splayed his fingers over her firm ass as he brought his other hand up to tweak her nipple, and she cried out with arousal.

"Beautiful," he whispered. "My beautiful girl."

She gave him a kiss, her hips grinding against him in short hard thrusts, her pussy tight and throbbing around his cock as she moved against the toy. He squirmed his hand between them and, after a few tries, managed to hit the speed control on the vibrator.

She arched suddenly, letting out a loud cry, and her slick, hot inner flesh constricted against him as she reached her climax. Her cries were hoarse, wordless, pleading, high with ecstasy, and Ned let her buck against him a while before he bore her back down to the bed.

When she was like this, it felt incredible—for as long as he was able to hold out. And the cock ring let him do that. Her orgasm often lasted, cresting and falling just to rise again, for as long as he could stay hard inside her, and he laced his fingers between hers again, pinning her hands to the bed, angling his hips so the vibrator pressed against her.

She sobbed something that rose into a scream. "Fuck fuck oh _yes, oh my God_ ," she cried, bucking under him. "Oh, _Ned..._ "

"That's right, baby," he growled, nuzzling against her, and she kissed him hard. She had her heels planted on the bed, and even though he was pinning her down with all his weight, she was still rocking under him.

Distantly he heard a chime, but it was forgotten as soon as he heard it. He released her hand to cup her hip and they moved with his thrusts, her head tipped back, her lips parted as she gasped desperately for breath. "So good soooo good oh _God_ ," she cried, and when she flipped him over and began to ride him hard, he took the opportunity to fondle her nipples, tweaking them hard.

She cried out again, then caught his hand in hers and brought it to her mouth. She sucked his thumb as she fucked him, and Ned groaned. "Baby," he gasped out. "Nan..."

She released his hand and he rubbed his thumb, wet with her saliva, over her breast, and she arched, then hung her head. Her hips still rocked, though, and she was still moaning in pleasure. Despite the pressure of the cock ring, he felt desperate, at the verge of losing his own control.

He rolled her onto her back again, tapping the button to take the vibrator to the last setting, and pinned her under him. He kissed her and she nipped at his lower lip, one of her hands at the small of his back, the other buried in his hair as he moved in her in long thrusts, and she gasped every time the vibrator touched her clit again. He cupped her hips, holding her to him at the apex of every thrust, and she came apart around him as he finally, finally let himself come.

When he was spent, gasping, collapsed to her, she weakly rocked her hips a few more times, then reached between them and turned off the vibrator, shuddering. Then she wrapped her arms around him and stroked his hair, and he nuzzled against her. He loved the way her hair smelled, and the scent of sweat and arousal and sex was on them both.

She let her breath out in a long sigh, still toying with his hair. "Mmm," she moaned. "That was so fucking good, baby."

"God, yes," he groaned. "And the best part is that I could feel it the whole time."

She chuckled, then kissed his cheek. "I guess I'll just have to make it up to you," she murmured. "By letting you put that thing on again tomorrow night when I'm in the sex swing and you're pounding into me..."

He smiled, then moved to kiss her again. "Glad you liked it, sweetheart. Although if you suck my thumb again tomorrow, I might just have to spank you."

She grinned, and when she kissed him, she nipped at his lower lip. "Promise?"

Ned chuckled. "You are such a bad, bad girl," he groaned, rolling onto his side, and she rolled with him. "And I fucking love it."

They cuddled together until they were about to fall asleep, and then he went to the bathroom for a cloth to clean them up. After Nancy wiped her thighs she began to roll her stockings down her legs, and he watched her strip down until she was naked. She was so beautiful, and he had never tired of gazing at her naked body. She found an oversized t-shirt in her drawer and slipped it on, still naked underneath, then joined him in bed again.

She had her head on his shoulder when they both heard a soft mechanical chime. Email notification. He hadn't even registered it earlier. He reached up and brushed her hair from her cheek.

"Mmm. Need to check that?" she whispered, idly stroking his side.

"Nope," he murmured. "And definitely not if it means leaving this bed."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 by littlemsmessy.

"Are you sure you don't need a hand, babe?" 

Nancy looked up from the apple she was slicing on a cutting board to find Ned, his arm propped up against the doorjamb, regarding her with amusement. 

"If you could just help me find a place in the fridge for these when I'm ready," she used her chin to gesture to the three glass pitchers sitting on the counter, "then I'll be all set."

Ned came over to where she was standing by the counter and rested his chin on her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "You’re really going all out for this dinner, Nan."

"Well, I want to make a good impression," she smiled, turning her head to look at her husband. "After all, we’ll be spending a lot of time with these people over the next few years." It was true—she wanted to continue to prove to him that she was serious about supporting his business endeavor, and that it mattered to her as much as it did to him. 

He kissed her on the cheek. "Well, I appreciate it. And I’m sure that our guests will love the paella, too."

"I hope so," Nancy replied, dividing the apples and oranges she’d just finished cutting up among the three pitchers.

As she’d suggested to Ned a few weeks earlier, they had invited Chris and Daniella and their spouses over for a Saturday night dinner. Their original plan had been to use the outdoor grill, but those plans had had to change, thanks to the late September wind and rain predicted for the weekend. Instead, Nancy had decided on a main course that she could cook indoors and had decided on a Spanish theme. 

After confirming that none of their guests had any type of food allergies or dislikes, she’d scoured the internet for a seafood and chicken paella recipe, which would be accompanied by the pitchers of red and white wine sangria she was currently putting together. A self-declared non-chef, Daniella would be bringing prepared tapas from a local Spanish restaurant for the appetizer course; Chris’s wife Maura had pledged to make her famous orange flan for dessert. 

She used a citrus squeezer to add fresh lime juice to all of the pitchers before pouring in some orange juice. "Ned, are you sure that having the sangria on the table won’t be too much of a temptation? I can always just make three pitchers of a fancy fruit juice mixture without the liquor, instead of just the one for you."

Ned shook his head. "Nan, it’s fine. I’ve been around alcohol many times and it’s been okay—you know that."

"I do, but I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own house, honey."

He kissed her cheek again. "I appreciate that, but I’ll be fine," he repeated. "Really."

Sensing that he didn’t want to spend more time discussing the topic, Nancy added some orange liqueur to two of the pitchers as Ned opened the refrigerator door and pushed some things aside to make room. "So, did you get your flight to Boston booked?"

Ned and Chris would be going to visit a prospective client in Boston next week, and she knew Ned was slightly nervous about it, as it was the first time he’d be traveling for work since he and Nancy had reconciled.  

"Yes, our temporary admin assistant was able to get my plane ticket and hotel reservation all squared away before she left the office last night. It took her forever, too. God, I can’t wait until Heather comes out here at the end of the month, once and for all."  Ned closed the refrigerator door. 

It had taken a while and a fair amount of convincing on Ned’s part, but Ned’s admin assistant from California had finally agreed to leave and join The NMC Group. She had already given her notice at Ned’s old firm and was in the process of selling her condo before she made the move to Chicago. Ned was practically counting the days; none of the temps they’d brought in even came close to Heather’s efficiency. 

"I know it’ll make things so much easier for you," Nancy sympathized as she opened a bottle of white wine and dumped it into one of the pitchers.  "But I have to admit that I miss you already, even though you haven’t left for Boston yet."  

The thought of Ned being away for a few days already made her stomach tighten. Even though she knew he’d be coming back, Nancy couldn’t help but remember how awful and empty the house had been when he’d moved out during their separation.  She’d already reached out to Bess and George to see if they could stay over at least one of the nights that he’d be in Boston so she’d be less lonely and less focused on and distracted by her husband’s absence. 

Ned’s lips quirked up in a smile. "Then that just means you’ll have to give me some extra-hot reunion sex when I get back."

\--

"This house is so nice," Maura declared as she took the pitcher of red wine sangria from Nancy’s grasp. "Perfect layout, perfect neighborhood and location…"

"Thanks," Nancy smiled. "We think so, too. That’s why we made the decision to rent it out while we were in California, rather than selling it outright. It’s one of the smartest things we ever did."

"I love the pictures I saw hanging in the hallway on the way to the powder room," Daniella commented as she artfully arranged Manchego cheese, pieces of date and walnut cake, and grapes on a large glass serving platter. "The one of you and Ned as kids, with you in that blue dress? Adorable!"

After she and Ned had reconciled, Nancy had asked Edith for a copy of the picture her mother-in-law had talked about just before she had found out about their separation. Ned had smiled when he’d seen the snapshot of them just before they’d left for Mapleton’s Homecoming Dance all those years earlier and had teasingly told her about all the ways he’d fantasized about getting underneath the blue dress with its white sash. 

"My mother-in-law found a bunch of old pictures from when Ned and I were dating, and I thought it would be fun to hang them up," Nancy said, taking out a tray of thin, crispy garlic potato rounds that she’d been heating in the oven since Daniella’s arrival. 

"How long have the two of you been together?" Maura asked. She stirred the wine in the pitcher. 

"Since high school." Nancy put the potatoes on another platter and stirred the parsley garlic sauce that, according to the restaurant’s instructions, was supposed to accompany the potatoes. 

"High school sweethearts? _Aww_!" Daniella sighed, adding rolls of Serrano ham and chunks of chorizo sausage to the platter she was working on. 

"And I thought that Chris and I were together a long time! We met during our sophomore year of college," Maura explained. 

"I’m Joseph’s second wife, so we don’t have that kind of history," Daniella confided.  "He was actually married before and has two daughters, teenagers."

"Do you get along with your step-daughters?" Maura asked. 

Daniella shrugged. "It’s fine, I guess. They were never really accepting of my relationship with Joseph, since the age gap is so big, but it’s gotten a little better over the years. They live in Florida, so I don’t see them that often. It’s a shame—I would’ve liked to be close to them, since I don’t have any children of my own. "

"You can have mine," Maura joked, and Nancy and Daniella laughed. "I love my kids, I do, but they’re a handful sometimes."

 "I think Joseph also told me that you and Ned recently renewed your vows?" Daniella steered the conversation back to Ned and Nancy, and Nancy was grateful that it put an end to the discussion about children. 

Like a reflex, Nancy’s thumb grazed the French pavé diamond band that Ned had placed on her right ring finger during the ceremony. "We did," she confirmed, grabbing a medium-sized glass bowl to ladle in some of the roasted peppers from the large take-out container that Daniella had brought. "It just felt right to us."  She wasn’t about to reveal the reason why and hoped that her guests wouldn’t probe. 

"Joseph and I keep talking about doing a vow renewal for one of our anniversaries. We’ve even tossed around the idea of having it in his hometown in Italy: since we were married here, a lot of his distant family members weren’t able to attend our first ceremony."

"How romantic," Maura sighed, taking the container of warmed mini ham and cheese croquettes from Nancy and adding them to an oval porcelain tray.  

"We think so too, but trying to coordinate all the plans, especially from thousands of miles away, already gives me a headache," Daniella joked. "And trying to ask my in-laws to help would be like… like stabbing this toothpick in my eye." She gestured towards the toothpick she had just stuck into a cube of Manchego. Nancy and Maura laughed. "They’d mean well, but they would want to take over—I’d get there, and all of the plans I’d have made would have been changed to what they wanted instead." 

"That’s rough," Maura sympathized. "My father-in-law is very nice, but my mother-in-law?" She shook her head, putting the last croquette onto the tray. "Talk about a know-it-all. It’s a shame—I really wanted to have a good relationship with her, especially because of the kids, but it’s a real struggle. What about you, Nancy?"

Nancy smiled. "I hate to say it and jinx things, but I really, _really_ lucked out with Ned’s parents. They’ve been nothing but wonderful to me since the day I started seeing Ned.  My mother-in-law is just a doll—and she’s even been known to take my side during disagreements with my husband." _Including the biggest disagreement we ever had_ , she thought, but kept that to herself. 

"Wow," Maura breathed. "You _are_ lucky, Nancy."

"I think it’s because Ned and I were so young when we met, and because I lost my own mom when I was little. Plus, Ned’s an only child like I am, so Edith’s always seen me as the daughter she never had."

Daniella sighed. "That’s so sweet. I don’t hate my husband’s family; they’re just very… Let’s just use the word _opinionated._ Sometimes it’s amusing, sometimes it’s irritating."

"Well, my mother-in-law’s irritating _all_ of the time." Maura stood back from the table and admired her handiwork.

"At least mine’s nearly five thousand miles away," Daniella grinned, popping a grape into her mouth. "And I hope it stays that way."

\--

"Nancy, you are a wonderful chef," Joseph declared in his strong Italian accent after taking his second helping of paella. "If only you could teach my Daniella."

Nancy laughed, pleased by the compliment.  It had taken a very long time to make the paella and she was relieved when it had come out as well as it had, especially since the chicken and seafood were cooked perfectly. "Well, it took me a while to learn, I must admit. I grew up with a housekeeper that practically raised me, and she’s an incredible cook. I made her give me lessons after Ned and I were married."

"I can attest to that," Ned chimed in, spooning up some rice and a generous-sized shrimp. "I’ve never had a single bad thing from Hannah’s kitchen, and Nan’s really picked up her cooking skills." Nancy mouthed the words _thank you_ to her husband, flashing him a quick smile across the table. 

"Well, I’m not so good in the kitchen, but I sure can use a takeout menu," Daniella announced cheerfully. 

"No shame in that," Nancy remarked. "There are some days when Ned and I get home from work and both of us are way too tired to even think about cooking, so it’s takeout all the way."

"No matter how delicious this paella is, I know I’d never be able to make it myself. You _will_ have to give me this sangria recipe, though." Daniella tipped her glass in Nancy’s direction. "It’s spectacular."

"I’m a stay-at-home mom and there are times when I can’t bother with dinner," Maura added.  "Chasing after a baby and a toddler can be exhausting, let me tell you."

"Your job is harder than all of ours put together," Chris stated loyally, and everyone else at the table nodded in agreement.

"I just wish it were as glamorous as Nancy’s," Maura sighed, taking a sip of her sangria. "I can’t even imagine being brave enough to be a private investigator. Sometimes during a crime drama on TV, I have to watch through my fingers!"

Joseph speared a piece of chicken on his plate. "I think it would be a lot of fun. Chasing the bad guys, doing surveillance work…"

The conversation reminded Nancy of one she’d had with Ned’s colleagues and their significant others in California, when she’d come out for one of her visits. She’d felt a little uncomfortable talking about her job back then, and had been more than a little uncomfortable with the company. Just the memory of it made Nancy again thankful that things were so much better between her and her husband now.

Ned must’ve had the same thought, because he grinned at her reassuringly. "It can be dangerous sometimes, too—having helped Nan on some of her cases, I can personally attest to that."

"Wait a minute," Maura said, looking up from her plate, sudden comprehension dawning on her face. "Is your maiden name Drew? Are you the Nancy Drew I used to read about in the papers years ago?"

Nancy blushed slightly as Ned nodded proudly. "You are correct. That’s my Nancy."

"Wow," Maura breathed, obviously in awe. "I can’t believe I never made the connection before tonight! There used to be all kinds of stories about the difficult cases you’d cracked, and you were only a teenager, too!"

"So we’re dining with a celebrity?" Joseph asked, genuine interest in his tone. 

"We are," Chris confirmed. "I had no idea, Ned, that you were married to someone so famous."

 "The only time I was in the paper as a kid was because I won a school spelling bee—not because I was some amazing teenage detective!" Daniella enthused.  "Nancy, I definitely remember the stories about you."

"It was a long time ago," Nancy replied, trying to steer the conversation away from her past. She honestly didn’t mind her guests’ interest, since they didn’t seem to be mocking her or trying to minimize her accomplishments, but she always felt slightly uncomfortable being the center of attention.

"I’m a lucky man, to be married to such a smart, talented woman," Ned pronounced, taking a sip of the special fruit juice blend that Nancy had made just for him. 

"Oh, you," Nancy replied, this time flushing with pleasure from her husband’s compliment. 

However, his words also brought back a flash of recall about one of their therapy sessions, where Ned had voiced his resentment about being seen as "Mr. Nancy Drew".  She still felt a twinge of sadness when she remembered her husband’s bitterness—and when she remembered that she had been the cause of it.  To remind him of how proud she was of him, she hastily added, "I’m the lucky one; I’m married to an advertising genius." Ned beamed at her. 

"And Maura and I know what that’s like," a smiling Joseph said, taking another forkful of paella. 

"Anyway, enough about me…" Nancy said, looking for a change of topic. "Chris, I hear that you and Ned are all set with your plans to go to Boston this week."

Chris grimaced slightly. "I’m glad it’s all finally settled, but I’m not really looking forward to going. Ned, I don’t know about you, but I’m not as thrilled about business trips as I used to be. When I was young and single, it was fun to visit new places and go out on the town with clients; now, I just resent having to be away from my family. And why is the music in those clubs so damn loud?" Everyone at the table laughed.

"Travel is nice, but it gets old after a while. And I could never stand having to entertain clients at sleazy dance clubs or, heaven forbid, taking them to strip clubs." Daniella gave a little shudder as she put down her wine glass. Nancy smiled, but at the reminder of their old lifestyle, Ned's in particular, she couldn't help feeling a little tense.

It was different now, though. If Nancy hadn’t already been positive that starting the new firm had been a great move for Ned, she was even more certain of it now. Unlike at his old job, his partners didn’t have the same party mentality and truly enjoyed spending time at home with their families. Hearing Chris and Daniella voice their feelings made her relax a little more. 

"I do not miss the crazy stuff that we did at my old firm," Ned declared, giving Nancy a sweet smile across the table. "Not at all. It feels like another lifetime, one that I have no desire to go back to." 

Nancy smiled back, nudging his foot with her own under the table.

After dinner they dug into Maura’s flan. Everyone at the table raved about how delicious it was, and Nancy insisted that Maura give her the recipe. 

"So, Ned, when is this hotshot admin of your joining us once and for all?" Chris asked. "The temps we’ve had have, frankly, sucked."

"I can’t believe what a disaster they’ve been," Daniella agreed. She took a sip of coffee. "It’s taken all of them three times what it should have just to complete simple tasks. And their attitudes—not to mention their perpetual cell phone use—have been inexcusable."

"Heather’s the best," Ned declared. "She gets the job done quickly and efficiently, follows directions, and always has a smile on her face."

"She sounds like a gem," Daniella said, "and worth the wait."

"She really is. I talked to her on Thursday, and she just has to tie up a few loose ends in California, so she thinks she’ll be ready to come join us at the end of the month. Luckily, my dad’s a Realtor, so he’s agreed to help her find a place to live here, too."

"Is he?" Joseph asked interestedly. "You know, Daniella and I have been toying with the idea of buying a vacation home up in the lake area. Maybe we should get his number when we’re ready."

Ned nodded, smiling. "As a matter of fact, my parents own a cabin up at Fox Lake and they love it. It’s great in the summer for swimming and entertaining; even though it’s cold in the wintertime, it can be very cozy and romantic."

"My in-laws are nice enough to let us borrow the cabin whenever we want, so it’s almost like having a vacation home ourselves," Nancy added, taking a sip of coffee.

"Then it’s settled. Ned, if we could get your father’s number, it would be great." Joseph spooned up another bite of flan.

"Maybe one weekend the six of us could take a trip up to my parents’ place," Ned proposed. "It has a few guest bedrooms and lots of space to just hang out. That way, you could get an idea of whether lakefront vacations are your thing or not."

Maura sipped her coffee. "That sounds like fun! Chris, what do you think?"

"That we’ll go on that trip and _you’ll_ come back wanting a vacation home?" Chris replied wryly. The group laughed. 

"Once you spend some time up there, I can’t promise she won’t feel that way," Ned answered playfully. 

\--

"I had a very nice time tonight, but I’m exhausted," Nancy sighed, dropping onto the bed and kicking off her shoes. Luckily, Daniella and Maura had insisted on helping her clean up, so she hadn’t been stuck with all of the washing and straightening after dinner had ended. Maura had even proposed she host another dinner for the group over the next month or two, and Nancy and Daniella had immediately offered to do whatever they could to help.

"Well, it’s because you went all out, babe. No wonder you’re so tired," Ned sympathized, sitting down next to her and rubbing her shoulders. "I know our guests loved the paella and the sangria, and they had a great time. Thank you so much, Nan." He kissed her. 

"I was glad to do it," she replied, kissing him back. "It felt easy to be with them, like we were having a quiet evening with friends, rather than a boring old dinner with your colleagues. Back in California, it… it never felt that way. I felt like it was an obligation, a chore."

"I know," Ned nodded in agreement. "All they cared about was showing off what they had or what they were going to get. It was all very…"

"Shallow," Nancy finished his sentence. "Phony and shallow. And I’m so glad that we’re away from all of that."

 "I am too, sweetheart. I’m just sorry that I had to subject you to it back then."

"It’s over," she reminded him gently. "We’re _us_ again—only better, stronger."

"Speaking of being us…" Ned took his phone out of his jeans pocket. "While we were having dinner earlier, I got a text from Howie. He wanted to know if Mike and I could help him paint the nursery next weekend when I’m back from Boston."

"Oh," Nancy replied softly. Of course, she knew that Jan was due any day now and Shayna wasn't too far behind, but it didn’t make the reminder of the impending births any less painful to her. 

"Yeah," Ned continued on hurriedly. "He also asked if you wanted to go to lunch or shopping or somewhere with Jan and Shayna while we’re painting. She can’t be in the house; the fumes could be harmful for the baby."

"Oh," she repeated. "What did you tell him?"

"I just texted him back saying that I’d talk to you about it. Nan, if you won’t be comfortable with seeing them, it’s okay. I know that the baby showers were hard enough for you."

Nancy couldn’t deny that Ned was speaking the truth. Although she was truly happy for their friends, it had been painful to watch Jan and her family and guests, then Shayna more recently, coo over the sweet little outfits and toys and bedding that had been wrapped in festive yellow and green paper. No matter how hard she had tried, Nancy hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the baby that she and Ned had lost. If not for the miscarriage, they would’ve had their own little one by now. 

"We can’t avoid our friends forever," she sighed. "Their babies are coming soon, no matter how sad or upset I feel about _our_ personal situation. And I’m so happy that Howie called you for help—it’s been wonderful to watch you patch up your friendship with him and Mike."

"But I don’t want you to do anything that’ll upset you. Yeah, Mike and Howie are my best friends and I’m grateful that they're giving me another shot, but you’re my wife and your feelings come first."

 His consideration touched her heart. "Tell you what—I’ll think about it, okay?" Nancy told him quietly.

"That’s fair," Ned replied quickly. "I’ll support whatever you decide. If you don’t want me to go over there at all, I can tell them I forgot I had to do something with my dad; if you want me to go by myself, I’ll tell him that you have other plans."

"Thank you," she sighed, stretching out her legs and flexing her toes.

"By the way, did I tell you how gorgeous you looked tonight?" he asked, taking her hand and kissing the knuckles.

"Oh, you just want to get lucky," Nancy teased, though she enjoyed his compliments. 

"I do," he acknowledged easily, "but it’s true. That tight blue sweater and those jeans hugging your firm little ass were very sexy, Mrs. Nickerson."

"And you, Mr. Nickerson, were looking pretty hot in your black sweater and jeans. But if you want to score, you’ll have to do all of the work. I don’t think I have the energy for cute lingerie or the sex swing tonight, baby."

"I’m willing to step up and do what I have to," Ned vowed, a wicked gleam of mischief in his eyes. "That’s what kind of a husband I am."

"Let me wash up first," she sighed, getting up reluctantly. "Otherwise, I’ll be way too tired to do it afterwards."

Ned also rose. "Yeah, I’ll get ready for bed now, too."

Fifteen minutes later, her face washed and her teeth freshly brushed, Nancy climbed into bed. Despite her assertion that she wouldn’t be putting on any fancy lingerie, she still managed to don a pretty satin chemise in a pink and lavender orchid print, its spaghetti straps and edges trimmed in delicate lavender ribbon. 

"Well, I wasn’t expecting this," Ned teased as he crawled into bed next to her in only a pair of boxers. "I got the impression that you’d be wearing one of my t-shirts and a plain pair of panties."

"I can change into that, if you’d prefer," she informed him loftily.

"Don’t you dare," he growled, burying his face against her neck and making her squeal. "When this outfit comes off, you won’t be putting anything else on, Drew."

"I like the sound of that." She giggled as he nipped at her earlobe.

"I know your energy level isn’t that high, but what about a toy?" Ned suggested, running his hand down the front of her nightgown and stopping to fondle one of her already-hard nipples. 

Nancy sighed with pleasure. "Depends which one."

"How about that wheel thing?"  He nuzzled at her breast through the satin. 

Nancy remembered the black disc-shaped toy with hot-pink spokes she’d bought in California; the spokes were like little tongues that simulated oral sex when it was turned on.  It was a relic from a time when she’d felt lonely and frustrated and undesirable; she’d been half-tempted to throw it out the last time she’d come across it in the drawer. She was glad she hadn’t, though; she might want to use it during Ned’s business trip. 

"Why would I need that when I have you here to go down on me?" she now teased, her hand resting on the back of his neck. "That’s only for when I don’t have your lips and tongue in near proximity."

"Then what if I use the bullet vibe?" 

"That would be good," she agreed, biting back a moan as his hand crept underneath the hem of her nightgown and grazed the crotch of her matching tanga panties. 

He took his other hand and leaned down, fumbling in the drawer where they kept their toys, all the while still fondling her.  A moment later, he let out a cry of triumph, brandishing the bullet vibrator. "Found it."

Ned flicked on the vibrator with a jerk of his thumb and teasingly ran it over her nipples before sliding it down her torso, stopping when he got to her belly button. 

"Are you going to tease me?" she groaned. 

"Of course," he replied easily. He slid the nightgown up, leaving her abdomen exposed, and kissed her belly.  His hand trailed down to the valley between her thighs again and he lightly brushed the vibrator against her crotch, causing Nancy to moan. 

"So good." 

"I’m glad," he told her, his lips curving upwards. "I want to make my gorgeous wife feel good; after all, she worked so hard to make sure our guests had a nice dinner."

Nancy giggled as he planted a firm kiss on her inner thigh. "If I had known that this would be my reward, I would’ve made paella a long time ago."

"Make it again and who knows how I’ll reward you next time." 

"It’s worth several hours of chopping and stirring and sautéing, if I get this in return." Ned pushed the tip of the vibrator more firmly against the cloth between her thighs, making her sentence end in a gasp.  

His hands felt warm against her bare skin when they cupped her hips and gently pushed down her panties. Nancy twisted to help him to get the underwear all the way down her legs; once her panties were off, she opened her legs even wider. 

"Such a beautiful sight," Ned sighed. "And it tastes even better than paella."

She flushed, breathlessly anticipating what he was about to do next. When his tongue lightly trailed over her clit, Nancy wasn’t disappointed. She moaned and arched her back. 

As Ned continued to use his tongue to gently trace her clit, she could feel her breathing quicken and her nipples tighten even more. She looped her open legs around his shoulders and dug her fingers into his scalp. His hand suddenly came up from the mattress and when his tongue was replaced by the bullet vibrator, the firm buzzing against her sensitive flesh made her gasp again. 

" _Mmm_ ," she whimpered, loving what he was doing to her. "Ned, this feels so good."

His lips brushed against her knee before he moved the bullet down to tease the entrance of her sex and began lapping at her again, his tongue firmer against her this time. With each swipe, Nancy shuddered, loving the delicious torture. She arched her back even more, the crown of her head resting against her pillow as her cheeks grew hot and a line of perspiration worked its way down her spine. 

Suddenly, Ned pulled back again, putting the vibrator in the place where his tongue had just been. He continued to alternate between using the toy and his mouth against her clit, and Nancy could feel herself getting closer and closer to the brink of climax. She moved her hands up to her breasts and used her flattened palms to frantically rub her nipples through her nightgown, the satin heightening the sensation, while her husband worked her clit and teased her. When he gently bit down on the sensitive nub while still using the vibrator to tease the flesh around it, she let out a stuttering cry of pleasure, her orgasm crashing through her like a wave. 

Nancy sprawled against the mattress, still unable to unhook her legs from Ned’s shoulders. Her heart was hammering and her body felt weak. 

Ned gently disentangled himself and sat up. In the lamplight, she could see the wetness around his mouth—and the slightly smug look in his eyes. 

"Aren’t _you_ proud of yourself?" she murmured, though there was no rancor or irritation in her voice. She somehow found the energy to raise a hand and run it through her now-messy hair. 

"I am," he grinned, reaching out to skim his palm over her shin. "I can’t help it; I just made the sexiest woman in the world come. Hard."

"Speaking of hard… You must be quite uncomfortable, Mr. Nickerson." Nancy raised her head slightly to look at his lap, and could see his erection straining against the cotton of his boxer shorts. 

"I am, Mrs. Nickerson. Care to help me get more comfortable?"

"Give me a minute," she sighed. "I was exhausted before you did that; now, I’m spent."

Ned stripped off his boxers and crawled up the mattress to lie next to her, stroking her arm. "I just need you to stay awake a little longer, Nan. A few minutes, tops."

She turned her head to look at him, raising one eyebrow. "A few minutes? Is that how long you’ll last?"

"Well, you just said you were tired," he replied, laughter in his voice. "I wanted to be considerate."

Nancy reached out and brushed his dark hair off of his forehead. "You are very considerate, honey." 

Ned took that as his cue to move closer to her. "Do you have the strength to take off your nightgown, or do I need to help?"

In answer, Nancy lifted up her arms and he pulled the chemise over her head, tossing it onto the floor next to the bed. "Should I get on top?"

She chuckled, patting his thigh. "I meant what I said, Nickerson. If you want Saturday night nookie, you’re going to have to work for it."

Ned shifted to crawl on top of her and slipped a hand down to cup her breast. His lips grazed her ear. "I love you, Drew."

"I already told you we’d have sex." The teasing light left her eye, however, when he looked her in the eye and she saw he was being serious. "I love you too, Nickerson."

"It was just really nice of you to do everything you did for tonight. It makes me really happy to know that I have your support."

"Well, it makes me really happy to know you’re really happy," she whispered, cupping her hand around his cheek. "You deserve to be, you know."

"For so long, I didn’t think so," he admitted. 

She brushed her fingertips over his lips before craning her head up to kiss him firmly. "Well, that kind of thinking needs to stop."

"It has—thanks to you, baby." He kissed her back and rubbed his thumb over her nipple until it became hard again.  "Your faith in me is everything."

Nancy began running her nails up and down his spine. "Stop talking and make love to me, already."

Ned laughed, stroking his palm down her ribcage and towards the join of her thighs. "Never let it be said I’m not one to take action."  His fingertips teased the sensitive flesh between her legs and she gasped when they brushed her already-tingling clit. When he found her wet, he moved his hips forward and fitted the tip of his cock inside of her. 

"Perfect," she sighed, tilting her own hips up and opening her legs wider. 

He surged all the way inside of her in one swift motion, and they groaned in unison. "God, you always feel so tight and hot."

"And you always feel like you fit me exactly right." She squeezed her inner flesh around him. 

He thumbed her clit as he thrust in and out in maddeningly slow strokes. "That’s because we’re a perfect match." His tongue slipped between her lips.

"Mmm," Nancy groaned into his mouth during one particularly deep thrust. Ned’s thumb pressed more firmly against her clit. "That’s right. Right there." Her fingernails dug into his back.

After breaking off their kiss, he tilted his head down and captured one of her nipples between his teeth, biting down gently. 

"Oh, that’s good," she whimpered. As his lips closed around her nipple and he began to suck, she cried out. "Yes, God yes!" 

The mattress springs began to squeak beneath them as he increased his rhythm. "Fuck, you sound so sexy," he rasped against her breast.

"Because it feels so amazing." Nancy hitched her legs around his waist as she felt her orgasm build.  His skin felt damp underneath her fingertips. 

"Come, baby," Ned growled. "I can’t wait much longer."

"Almost there," she panted.  "Just… just a little more."  She didn’t know where she found the strength, but she bucked her hips to meet his frantic thrusts, as eager to reach her climax as he was for her to do so. 

He switched to her other breast, licking and sucking hard as he continued to fuck her with deep, firm thrusts. "Oh shit," she squealed as her climax ricocheted through her. "Shit _yes_ , _that’s it_. Oh fuck, I’m coming!" 

"Thank God," Ned growled just before she felt him explode inside her. He moved his hips a few more times before collapsing on top of her, his breathing harsh against her ear. 

Nancy stroked his damp hair and his sweaty back with her palms, the pounding of her heart in her ears slowly dying down as her own breathing began to return to normal. "That was really good," she whispered into his ear.

He raised his head and gave her a grin. " _You_ were really good, Nan." Before slowly rolling off her, he kissed her once on the lips. When he was curled on his side, he gently drew her to him and threw his arm around her waist.  Soon she could hear him snoring lightly. 

As Nancy drifted off to sleep, she couldn’t help but smile.  Tonight had been as close to perfect as she could have hoped, and she knew it would help her and Ned to put the nightmare they’d experienced miles behind them. 

\--

Ned sat in his car, unmoving. The neon lights of the storefront were a blur through his windshield, thanks to the fine mist of rain coming down on this early Sunday evening. Instead of flicking on the wiper blades to clear his view, he switched off the car’s ignition.  The lack of heat made him start to feel chilled, but he ignored it, still deliberating. 

Since Nancy had worked so hard to make a special dinner for his colleagues and their spouses last night, Ned had offered to get pizza from Dino’s after picking up their dry cleaning and filling up his car’s tank with gas. Nancy had gratefully agreed to the takeout dinner, since she needed some time to run a few background checks and internet searches to prepare for work the next day. She’d sent him on his way with a kiss and a playful promise to reward him for his helpfulness later that night. However, once his errands were finished, he wanted to make one more stop before picking up their order at the restaurant.

After a few more minutes, he pushed open the car door and hurriedly made his way through the parking lot, grateful for the store’s warmth as he got inside. 

Once he found the aisle he was looking for, Ned just stared at the bottles on the shelves for a moment, debating. In a quick movement he grabbed two bottles, making his way to the checkout counter.  He still had to pick up their dinner at Dino’s, and he didn’t want Nancy worrying about him being late. 

Thirty-five minutes later Ned pulled into his driveway, glad that the rain had finally stopped. He unloaded his trunk and let himself into the house with his keys. 

"There you are!" Nancy exclaimed, coming out of the kitchen with a dish towel in her hands. "I was worried that something had happened to you, especially in this weather."

Ned carried the bags into the kitchen, setting them down on the counter, with Nancy following him.  He hoped he didn’t sound guilty when he answered her. "Nope, I’m fine. The wait at Dino’s was long, as usual—apparently, they didn’t care that I had called in our order to try and speed things up."

"Mmm," she sniffed appreciatively. "That pizza smells incredible. Did they get the order right this time—the works, minus the olives?"

He laughed. "I checked before I left the restaurant, and there’s not an olive to be found on our pizza."

"Good. I didn’t want to hear the whining and crying again." Nancy grinned at him.

Sticking out his tongue at her, Ned took a sausage parmesan hero sandwich and a large container of salad out of one of the bags.  "I thought you’d be upset if your husband was upset," he told her playfully.

"The olive crisis wounded me like it wounded you, honey," she reassured him as she put plates and silverware on the kitchen table. 

"That’s better."  He went to the refrigerator and poured them each some cola. 

"What’s in the other bag?" Nancy wanted to know as she sat down and served them each a slice of pizza and a bowlful of salad. 

"Oh. It’s, um…" Ned knew he had to tell her, but he wasn’t sure how the conversation would go. "I, uh, made a stop at the liquor store before I went to pick up our food."

Nancy’s salad fork had been halfway to her mouth, but she stopped and put it back onto her plate. "Why did you do that, honey?"

"Nan, I don’t want you to worry or freak out. Just hear me out, okay?" He took a long slug of his cola, then took a deep breath. 

She took a drink from her own glass, obviously trying to stay calm. "I’m listening, but I have to admit I’m a little confused. I haven’t kept liquor in the house unless we’ve had company, like last night. I know you’ve said that you’re okay with being around alcohol, but I didn’t want to add extra temptation."

"I know, and I appreciate that, baby—I do.  It’s just…" Ned’s voice trailed off as he stared down at his pizza. "Nan, I can remember when drinking was _fun._ We’d hang out at parties or bars and have a good time, and then we’d have crazy, drunken sex. There was no drama or worrying; it was just a part of our life."

Nancy reached across the table and put her hand over his. "I know things are different now, but I’m okay with that. I’m just so glad to have my Ned back that I’m wiling to give up some of the stuff we used to do just so it won’t cause problems."

Ned squeezed her hand. "And I’m so grateful to have a wonderful, compassionate wife like you, Nan. But I can’t help but resent the way I have to live now. Every time I go out with a client or we spend time with our friends or my colleagues, I have to feel like the odd man out because I can’t drink. I hate having to order juice that looks like alcohol so I don’t have to hear the questions or comments. And when I don’t use that little trick,  I hate having to make excuses as to why I can’t join them in having that beer or sangria or whatever else—and I’m sure that they’re starting to get suspicious about me being sick all the time or being on medication."

"Ned, lots of people don’t drink these days," she pointed out. "And if others can’t understand or respect that, then fuck them. Having a drinking problem isn’t anything to be ashamed of, honey. It’s not."

"I know that I shouldn’t care what other people think, but it bothers me not to be able to drink. It does." He let go of her hand and bit into his pizza, his stomach in knots. Ned knew that he had to be honest with his wife, but he didn’t want to upset her, either. He needed her to understand his frustration and prayed that it didn’t push her away. 

"So you went to the liquor store to prove a point? I don’t quite understand." Nancy's voice was unnaturally slow; she still sounded like she was working hard to keep herself from getting upset. 

"Nan, I want to know once and for all if I can… if I can have just one or two drinks and stop, or if I’m incapable of having any alcohol at all." Breaking off a section of the sausage hero, he put it onto his plate before offering the sandwich to his wife. When she shook her head, he set the sandwich back down on the wrapper.

"So I bought a bottle of vodka and one of rum. I want to try one of them, with you here with me, so we can see if it’s something I can handle."

"Define 'handle.'" She picked up her abandoned salad fork.

"Whether I can stop at one or two, or if I’ll crave more. And then if I’ll feel the urge to drink again later that night or the following day."

"And if that happens? What then?"

"Then I’ll pour the shit down the drain and promptly join a twelve-step program," Ned replied immediately, having already anticipated her question. "I have no intention of drinking like I did back in California."

She took a bite of pizza. "What about scotch?"  

He knew she’d also ask that, which was he had an answer ready. "I don’t think I can ever drink scotch again, which is why I didn’t buy any. I can’t predict how I’ll react to it, and I don’t even want to try."

Nancy sat back in her chair and regarded him warily. "So, I have to ask you another question but I don’t want you to be mad at me."

"Nan, you can ask me anything—I swear it. I have no intention of doing this without talking it out with you." He wiped his now-damp palms on the thighs of his jeans, suddenly nervous. What if, now that he’d shared his plan with her, she told him she was going to leave him? What if all of the work they’d put into trying to fix their marriage had just been undone by his stupid curiosity and frustration?

"Are you also thinking about trying drugs again?" Her words came out in a rush, and her head was a little bowed, her arms tight against her.

" _No_ ," Ned replied emphatically. "Absolutely not, Nan. I will never, _ever_ , do cocaine again. I swear." 

He watched Nancy slump a little in response, some of the stiffness going out of her shoulders. "That’s a relief. And I’m incredibly glad you told me about this, and that you want me to be there during your experiment. But I have to say…" She paused. 

"Tell me," he prompted. 

She looked down for a moment before meeting his eyes again. "I understand what you're saying, but I... I don't—I can't, not yet. It’s all still too raw for me."

"Then I won’t do it." There was no trace of anger or resentment in his voice. "I won’t do this without you. I _can’t_ do this without you. I don’t want to be in that situation without your support. And I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet either, honestly. But when I am, I want you there with me."

She sighed. "It’s just that you’ve worked so hard! You’ve really dedicated yourself to your sobriety, and I’m incredibly proud of you for that. I’m just scared that you’ll try this and then slowly wind up back where you started. I’m scared for you—for _us._ "

Honestly, he was, too, but he pressed on. "I hear what you’re saying and I don’t want to scare you, ever. But I feel like I have to know if this is something I’ll be able to handle or not. Until I _know_ , I'll just wonder—and I don't want to wonder when I'm in the wrong circumstances."

Nancy looked down at her plate, slowly picking at an onion on her pizza slice. "I don’t want you to be unhappy. When you’re ready to do this, tell me, and I’ll be here."

"Sweetheart, please look at me. Please?" he nearly begged as she continued to stare down at her pizza. When she finally raised her head, he held her gaze. "What I said before was the truth. If I can't cut myself off, or I start craving more, then I’ll go for help. I promise."

"I’m holding you to that," she warned him, although he detected a hint of a smile on her face.

That smile set a wave of relief coursing through Ned. "I wouldn’t expect anything less."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by ndnickerson.

The world was dark, too dark, when Nancy opened her eyes. As fall began to progress into winter, the mornings were darker, and she felt like a sleepwalker until noon. This morning was darker than usual, though, and the sound of the rain reached her. She closed her eyes with a silent sigh and nestled back against the pillow.

Ned's arm was slung over her side, his palm against her belly.

Nancy frowned, trying to will herself back to sleep. Ned would be leaving for the airport soon, and she was going to miss him. She hated that she was afraid for him, too.

Ever since he had told her that he was thinking about trying alcohol again, she had been telling herself that it would be all right; he had promised that he wouldn't try it when he wasn't around her, and he had promised that he would seek treatment if his experiment revealed dependency. Since he had moved back in, since their vow renewal, he had been incredibly sweet and understanding; she hadn't sensed that he was turning back into the man he had been a year earlier.

But he was going to Boston, and her imagination had been working overtime. His first business trip since their reconciliation; his first possible temptation. Knowing that, knowing he was thinking about trying alcohol again, knowing his history... Over the past few nights, she had woken up from nightmares—nightmares that involved a certain curvaceous brunette, a hotel room, tearful apologies, liquor on his breath.

When she woke and gazed into his eyes, when she held him, when she made love to him, she still saw the man she had rediscovered since their separation. She didn't sense any deceit or omission when he told her about his day, when they talked about anything. But she hadn't fucking known he was on _coke_ in Los Angeles, either.

Their sessions with Sol had tapered off, and she hadn't wanted to provoke the argument she was sure would have happened if she had tried to schedule a meeting with the therapist during the narrow window before Ned's departure for Boston. She just felt afraid, so terribly afraid, but she didn't want to say anything; she didn't know how. Ned had answered each of her concerns in exactly the right way. He had said he had no intention of doing coke again.

But he had promised her he would never do that kind of thing _before_ , and she had believed it.

Ned made a soft noise, and Nancy turned onto her other side, releasing a soft sigh as she relaxed against him. If she had been able to afford the time off, she would have considered going with him or surprising him while he was there, but she could sense what he hadn't said. This was his first chance to prove to her that he was okay, that her faith in him wasn't misplaced. Surprising him by checking up on him—she couldn't see how that would end well.

If he just hadn't told her... she frowned again, her eyes closed. Honesty was important for maintaining the trust in their relationship. Ned had been honest with her. She didn't have the time to discuss this with him before his departure.

She couldn't help hoping that he would put it out of his mind entirely, but she knew that for as long as he might be considering it, she wouldn't be able to forget about it. She couldn't accompany him everywhere, and she knew that he would be faced with that particular temptation a thousand more times.

She just hated the idea that it might be a gateway. She wanted to take him to see Sol; she wanted to see if Sol recommended that Ned reconsider. Then again, maybe he would side with Ned; maybe he would say that a controlled experiment was just the way to do this.

Ned caught his breath with a little snore, then jerked awake as his alarm went off.

When he left the bed after placing a kiss on her temple, Nancy thought she would stay awake, go downstairs and make him breakfast while he dressed, then see him off. She didn't realize that she had fallen back asleep, not until she felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Chris is on the way. I'll call you when we land, okay?"

Nancy opened her eyes, then sat up. Ned was already dressed in a dark suit and ready to go, and despite herself, her heart sank. Ned and Chris were riding to the airport together, and he hadn't wanted to interrupt her sleep by having her drive them, so she had to say goodbye to him now, and it was all too quick. "Hey," she murmured, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. "Yeah, please call me. I'm sorry, I was—I wanted to be awake..."

He gave her a smile. "Babe, it's okay. Get some rest."

She smiled back at him, then wrapped her arms around him. "I love you," she said. "Have a safe trip and come back to me in one piece, all right?"

He held her too, stroking his palm down her back. "I love you too, sweetheart. It won't be too long. I'll call you every night."

She kissed his cheek. "You do that," she murmured. "And maybe one night, if you want, we could webcam..."

His eyebrows went up. "Mmm. Been a while. Maybe I can get Chris out of the room for an hour or two."

Despite his protests, she put on her robe and went downstairs with him. The lights were off, and the living room was cast in blue-gray shadow, the rain tracking down the French doors in rivulets; his laptop case, suitcase, and garment bag were grouped neatly in the foyer. She remembered uncomfortably how she had felt when packing his belongings at the beginning of their separation.

_No. Don't think that way,_ she told herself, and gently twisted the diamond pavé ring on her right hand with her left fingers and thumb. _Don't think about it. This isn't like that._

The trouble had begun with their parting. He had promised, and things were different now; they _had_ to be different now. Had to be. She was worried about nothing.

He had just started to say something when they heard a short, sharp bleat of a horn outside. Ned gave her an apologetic smile, and she went to him, hugging him again. He kissed the crown of her head. "Try not to get into too much trouble while I'm gone, okay?" he said, and kissed her temple.

"You too," she replied, and then immediately regretted it; her words seemed to hang in the air. "I mean... I'd wish you good luck with your account, but I know you don't need it."

"I need all the good luck I can get," Ned replied, then cast a glance at the door. He released her and began to pick up his luggage, and Nancy sniffled quietly. "I'll be back before you know it."

She gave him one last kiss on the cheek, then watched him as he loaded his luggage into the trunk of the car, waving at her before he ducked into the passenger seat. The wind was furious, the rain spattering at her feet, but she watched until the car was out of her sight. Then she locked the door and walked slowly back upstairs, unbelting her robe as she did. 

Their bed was empty.

She had wondered when the honeymoon feeling would be over. It was. She no longer felt weightless, impervious; the bubble of delirious bliss had popped, leaving her to face their life together with open eyes.

_I'm just tired._ She sniffled again, dropping her robe to the floor at the foot of the bed before she climbed back under the covers, burying her face in her husband's pillow.

Going back to sleep was almost impossible. It wasn't until she gave up fifteen minutes before her alarm was set to go off and started preparing for work, reaching for her morning medication doses—a multivitamin and her birth control pill—that she stopped, considering.

Her reflection—hair mussed, bare skin, uncaffeinated, eyes low-lidded, nightgown disheveled—wasn't as slender as it had once been, and Nancy hadn't heard a single complaint from her husband about that. Quite the opposite, in fact. But their deadline had passed. She was now on the other side of what would have been her due date. The room she had mentally designated as the nursery still stood empty. Her belly was flat.

She was still on birth control, and Ned hadn't pushed her about it. He was happy that they could have sex without condoms now. He was good about sticking to his own self-designated guidelines, too. With few exceptions, their weekends were theirs; their nights weren't constantly interrupted by client calls and fires to be put out.

He still worked hard, though, and she knew that an infant disrupting his sleep patterns and demanding his attention might break their otherwise peaceful home life. He and his partners had been working so, so incredibly hard on making sure their agency was successful, and the baby, before...

_Does he even really_ want _a baby with me?_ Nancy looked into her reflection's eyes, then gave her head a sharp shake. He had said he did, a long time ago; he had repeated it again more recently, with the caveat that it would only happen once she was ready too.

But the fear—all the more insidious, because it was based on so little evidence—was creeping back in again. The drinking; the desperation she had felt, to have a baby, to have a way to draw him out of Los Angeles and back to her. It was all tied up together, and she didn't know anymore. She had lived with that stranger he had turned into for long enough that sometimes she could feel it in her, a nascent thought, barely realized—imagining the way _he_ would have reacted to something, imagining what would happen if she saw him becoming _that man_ again.

Alcohol might affect him that way.

She wanted to tell him to never do it. The risk was too high.

But she couldn't swaddle him in bubble wrap and hold his hand all the time. It would happen, even if he didn't mean it to: a moment of weakness, a client who insisted they sample some alcohol in celebration, a plastic tumbler of punch from the spiked punch bowl, a slice of rum cake. He bristled at the idea that he might always be relegated to the sidelines, to being the designated driver for a night of others' inebriated fun, and she couldn't blame him for that. She couldn't wholeheartedly bless his plans, either.

_How will I know if heights still make me dizzy, unless I go to the top floor and look down?_

_But what if you fall?_

She took her birth control pill. Being on it was her decision, but taking herself off the medication—she didn't want to surprise Ned that way. She didn't feel ready yet, not with this hanging between them. If she did get pregnant, it would be a good way to put off the conversation about his alcohol use for the next nine months, but she also didn't think catching him off-guard with news of a pregnancy was the right way to keep their marriage on solid ground.

Bess and George had agreed to spend Friday night with Nancy, and Saturday morning; Nancy expected that to be the worst time. Ned and Chris would be back on Sunday morning, and so on Saturday night she would know that their separation would only last a few more hours. Hannah had suggested that they spend some time together, and Nancy's father had a dinner date Saturday night, but he had said he would be happy to join them for dessert. That wouldn't be so bad, either.

But that left tonight.

When she came in to work, a few jobs were already waiting. She returned a call to a Chicago police detective asking for her notes from a stakeout the previous month; a mugging had happened the same night, and the detective was covering all possibilities. At lunch she met the owner of a boutique in an exclusive downtown location who wanted her to contact a high-profile shoplifter; the owner didn't want to file charges or raise any embarrassing outcry, and Nancy, via the agency, had been hired as the go-between.

Ned let her know when their plane touched down in Boston, and it was only when she walked into their kitchen, exhausted and toeing out of her heels, wincing as she touched her stockinged feet to the floor, that she realized she had effectively filled her day. By the time she had finished her last assignment of the day, contacting the relatives of a missing man to see if they had any clue to his whereabouts, she had been far too tired to even consider making dinner, and so she had called an order in to the Chinese restaurant down the block and picked it up on the way home.

Dragging herself upstairs to change into yoga pants and a long-sleeved shirt was a struggle. She really was missing that lost hour of sleep now, and at least she would be able to go to bed early. She didn't want to go to sleep until she heard from Ned, but the scent of fried egg rolls and soy sauce made her stomach growl as soon as she crossed back into the kitchen, and she attacked her beef and broccoli and fried rice with gusto. The server had tossed a handful of fortune cookies into the bag, and they were left in a haphazard spill on the table as she swiped the last bite of her egg roll through a pool of duck sauce; she decided to leave them. Half the fun of opening a cookie was telling her fortune to Ned and hearing him turn it into some suggestive comment.

After she dumped the sauce-streaked remnants of her meal into the trash, Nancy poured herself another glass of wine and walked over to the couch. The evening news had faded into a cheery sitcom complete with laugh track; Nancy flipped through a few channels, pulling up Facebook as she did. Bess had started keeping a daily log of her outfits and makeup, and even if nothing else on the site entertained her, that usually did. George generally used the site to log her daily exercise routine, claiming she didn't really have time for the rest of it; Bess took snapshots of her meals, shared quick and easy recipes, and posted every makeup and fashion giveaway imaginable.

A new post by Jan O'Shea popped up on Nancy's news feed as soon as the site loaded. _Contractions are getting closer together, and not a moment too soon, this baby already feels about a month overdue! Leaving for the hospital soon; wish us luck!_

Comments and likes on the post began to pop up immediately. Nancy stared at the post, knowing that no matter what she did, the hollow feeling inside her wasn't going to go away. She drained the rest of her wine glass quickly; she navigated down the page, away from the post, but notifications kept popping up. Nancy went to Ned's page to see if he had posted anything during the day, but other than a snapshot taken just outside Logan Airport, the backdrop a gunmetal gray sky, Ned hadn't posted anything. Nancy closed that browser window, then wrapped her arms around her waist.

No matter how anxious and afraid she had felt earlier in the day, she felt alone now; her husband's absence, that familiar gnawing in her, returned with a vengeance, and her gaze, fixed on the television set in front of her, blurred with tears. She wanted him here; she wanted him _home_. He would understand the jealousy and pain she was feeling right now, when Bess and George wouldn't—and she would never express it to Jan or Shayna. Not in a million years.

But she did know one other person who might understand.

Nancy took a deep breath and picked up her phone, scrolling through the contacts list. She almost reconsidered, then tapped the appropriate name, wincing as she hoped it wasn't too late.

"Nickerson residence."

"Hi—James," Nancy said, pausing as she always did, reminding herself not to call her father-in-law "Mr. Nickerson." "I'm sorry to be calling so late, but is your wife home?"

"She is. I'll tell her you're calling. I seem to remember that Ned is on a business trip this week?"

"Yes, he left this morning—and his plane touched down in Boston on schedule," Nancy filled in. "He'll be back on Sunday morning."

"So no Sunday lunch this week, I suppose. Maybe next week? If the boss says it's okay."

"I think that should work. I'll ask him when I talk to him."

"Great," James said warmly. "Here's Edith. Have a good night, Nancy."

"You too."

"Hello?"

"Hi," Nancy said to her mother-in-law, then sniffled.

"Nancy? Is everything all right?"

"It's okay." Nancy sniffled again. "I think I mentioned to you that Mike and his wife are pregnant... and it sounds like she's in labor and on the way to the hospital right now..."

Edith immediately understood why Nancy sounded so heartbroken, and it was a relief to pour it all out to someone without being judged: how jealous she felt, how much she resented Jan and Mike and what they had, how it somehow made the pain of her miscarriage just as intense and terrible as it had been the day had happened. She loved Mike and Jan, and she wished them all happiness, a healthy baby and no problems—and yet, she couldn't be happy. She just felt betrayed, as though Jan didn't deserve to have a baby when Nancy's had died.

Edith didn't make her feel guilty about it, and she didn't say it would get better, and Nancy was glad for that, even through her tears. Edith admitted to her that every time she saw Mike and Jan's baby, it would be a reminder; over time the pain would lessen, but the hollow, the ache, probably wouldn't. If she went to the hospital to see Jan, she would feel terrible, more than she had during the baby showers and the pregnancy-update posts. She would have to force her smile, and it would hurt, but she would survive it.

She said that Nancy was welcome to come over to her house to sleep, and maybe have a cup of tea before she went to bed; Nancy cast a rueful glance at her emptied wine glass, wiping away her tears with the heel of her hand, thanking Edith even as she declined the offer. Given her mental state and the weather, and the alcohol in her system, she didn't feel equal to driving out to Mapleton, then rising early enough to come back home before going to work in the morning.

She and Edith were saying their goodbyes when Nancy heard a beep and checked her phone. Ned was calling her.

"Hey," Ned said, as soon as Nancy ended her call to Edith and answered her husband's. "I hope I didn't wake you, honey."

"You didn't," Nancy said. "Not tonight, anyway. I miss you so much, baby."

"I miss you too."

"So did you and Chris have a good day?"

Nancy knew she should most likely go upstairs—she had no intention of going out, and she was already exhausted; it would be even harder later to summon the strength—but she slumped down on the couch, her head pillowed on the arm, and listened to the low, familiar sound of her husband's voice as he told her about their day in Boston. Their visit to the city coincided with a trade show close by, and they were planning on attending that before their return to Chicago. A few times she brushed a cold tear from her cheek; a few times she held the phone so he would be less likely to hear her sniffles.

When he was finished, Nancy cleared her throat. "Sounds like you two had a good day," she murmured, her voice cracking a little.

"We did. You sound upset, sweetheart..."

"Have you been on Facebook?"

"No... did you post something?"

"No, Jan did."

"Oh." Ned paused for a few seconds. "So, the baby..."

"She's probably in the hospital right now," Nancy said softly. "And I'm going to have to see her, to force a smile and tell them I'm so happy for them..."

"I'm so sorry. God..."

"I know that what you and Chris are doing is important, and I would never take that away from you—I just wish you were here with me, so much. I wish I could feel your arms around me right now."

"And I wish I could be there with you too," Ned murmured. "Nan, you don't have to go alone, to go see Jan and Mike—wait until I'm back, and we can go together."

"No, it's all right. I'll be okay. I'll have to see them sooner or later." Nancy sighed. "It's not like we won't be seeing a lot of them..."

Ned was quiet for a minute. "I wish I knew what to say."

"There's nothing to say. There's nothing that will make it better. I was on the phone with your mom earlier, and that helped... but she said that nothing is going to make this easier, and she's right. I'm always going to think of the child we lost when I see their child. I'm going to feel this pain for the rest of my life..."

"Oh, Nan... please, get on webcam so I can at least see you right now. I hate that you're going through this when I'm not there."

As she opened her laptop and navigated to the proper screen, her cheeks still wet with tears, she remembered how many boyfriends Bess had told her about, and George too—who were more than happy to share dates and kisses and beds, but who shied away at the first sign of emotional disturbance. During the time they had been together in Los Angeles, Ned would have made excuses, or wished her goodnight with a text message to preclude a phone call; now he _wanted_ to support her, and she could only imagine how terrible it would have been to go through this without him.

She couldn't quite stifle her sob, when Ned's handsome face appeared on her laptop screen. "I know this probably isn't quite the kind of call you had in mind," he said.

She gave him a small smile. "No," she admitted. "But—thank you. Thank you for being supportive about this."

His own smile was sad. "It made me sad too," he told her. "It still does. To see how excited Mike is about the baby, and to imagine what it would have been like, having that with you..."

Nancy sniffled again, then wiped her face. "We talked about it," she said softly. "About trying again..."

He nodded. "Do you think... soon?"

"Maybe," she murmured, then looked down. "Ned, I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, almost."

"And I love you too, sweetheart. I can't wait until I'm back home with you again."

\--

Nancy knew she was going to need the moral support, so on Friday after work, she and Bess and George went to the hospital together to visit Jan and congratulate her and Mike on the baby's arrival. It hurt just as much as she had feared, but she was thankful that her friends had come with her, and that they monopolized most of the attention, letting Nancy fade into the background, her most convincing fake smile on her face. Her misery would only dim Jan's happiness, and as terrible as Nancy felt, she didn't want to do that.

Afterward, they left their cars at Nancy's house, called a cab, headed out for dinner and drinks, and talked about practically everything except the baby. Nancy and Bess both watched a serialized political drama, and they discussed the most recent death on the show with mutual excitement. After laying low for a while, McMillan had started a rivalry with another operative at Brown's agency, and no one had been surprised—and Bess and George chimed in with their own disapproval when Nancy talked about it. One of Bess's cousins, on the Marvin side of the family, had been diagnosed with a pre-diabetic condition, and Bess was watching her sugar intake as a result. George looked up the movie listings and they talked about what might make for a good matinee, but Nancy wasn't really sure they would be up to a movie; they had started with a pitcher of sangria, then escalated to martinis, and then George suggested shots at the bar they went to after the restaurant.

Bess received a text and grinned at her cell phone, and when she excused herself to make a phone call, Nancy drained the rest of her martini. The waiter asked if she wanted another, and she nodded that she did.

"Hitting the sauce pretty hard tonight, huh," George said.

Nancy nodded, then realized the motion was a mistake. "With any luck I'll pass out as soon as we get back to my house."

George raised her eyebrows. "And here I was thinking that we'd make this a real sleepover—play video games, watch those stupid movies you and Bess love so much, eat popcorn and paint our toenails and gossip about our crushes."

Nancy chuckled. "Speaking of... so is that Dex on the phone, do you think?"

George shrugged. "Who can tell?" She reached for her chaser and took a sip. "So is your overindulgence because you miss your husband so much, or...?" She trailed off, and Nancy was glad; she wasn't sure she could have taken it, if George had made any snide comments about Ned or their relationship.

"I do miss him. And thanks again, for agreeing to come over tonight. I don't like the house—the way it feels when he's not there." She made a quiet frustrated sound. "Hmm. My tongue... it's hard to, to concentrate, y'know?"

George chuckled. "For you, anyway. Nan, honey—you know I'd do anything for you. Including take that son of a bitch out if he's hurt you."

Nancy shook her head, more slowly this time. "He—no... it's not like that."

"So what's it like?"

Nancy was distantly aware that she should keep her mouth shut, that there were perfectly good reasons why she should keep what Ned had told her, to herself. But it was hard to stop thinking about it, and if she couldn't discuss it with Sol, at least she could talk to her two best friends about it.

She had just opened her mouth when Bess flounced back to the table; she wore a tight brown sweater embellished with gold threads and a tight copper-colored leather skirt, and she looked fabulous as she tossed her blonde hair over her shoulders. George looked far more comfortable than Bess did, in a raspberry button-down and soft black pants, small gold hoops in her ears. Nancy had known that she wouldn't see anyone she particularly needed to impress, so she wore a white sweater with black stripes and dark jeans. Her pants clung to her curves; Ned definitely would have appreciated them, if he had been there to see them.

"Good news?" Nancy asked, then blinked, dimly aware that her eyes were wider than usual.

Bess laughed in delight. "Girl, I'm gonna need about three shots to catch up to you," she declared. "You are _fucked up._ "

When George let the subject drop, Nancy was kind of glad about it, but it kept returning to her. During the cab ride back to Nancy's house, her head lolled on the headrest behind her, and she sighed. "Maybe I should stop drinking."

Bess patted Nancy's shoulder; her own movements were exaggerated, almost clumsy. "It's when you think you should stop, that you should probably keep _going_ ," she said. "Do you have stuff at home, or should we stop at a store?"

Nancy waved her hand. "I've got wine," she murmured. "No, like, not tonight—for good."

George, who was on Bess's other side, leaned forward so she could meet her friend's eyes. "Okay, I think you've definitely got something to tell us," she declared.

Once the cab pulled up in front of Nancy's house and the three of them had paid the driver, Nancy led their somewhat unsteady walk up to her front door, her key already out of her purse—although she dropped it twice, and giggled to herself both times. The house was dark, and Nancy felt a bolt of longing and fear: it reminded her of their separation, just as she had known it would, and she couldn't stop herself from wishing, from even believing for a few seconds, that Ned would be inside, home early and waiting to surprise her.

The foyer was dark, as was the rest of the house. He wasn't home.

_Los Angeles._

_No_.

"No, what?"

Nancy looked back at Bess with her eyes wide. She hadn't meant to voice it. "Nothing," she murmured, and she could feel herself blushing. Damn it all. They weren't going to repeat the past. They weren't.

Even so, as soon as all three of them were inside and their jackets shrugged off, Nancy went to the kitchen and pulled out a corkscrew. Bess was rummaging in the liquor cabinet, but when she saw the corkscrew, she raised an eyebrow. Then she stumbled a little and clung to the back of a kitchen chair, giggling to herself too.

George went to the refrigerator and found the chilling bottle of wine, bringing it to the table; of the three of them, she seemed most sober. "Well, that sobriety vow was short-lived."

Nancy blinked hard a few times, decided that George would probably be able to open the bottle fastest, and passed the corkscrew to her. "I just want to feel _good_ ," she murmured, clumsily pulling a chair out so she could collapse into it, and Bess did the same. She drew a breath and was horrified to find that a sob was wavering in her voice. "I want to believe it's all gone but I just don't know..."

"What's all gone?" Bess had her chin propped on the heel of her hand, and her lashes were low; they were long and curled and glamorous, and Nancy sighed in jealousy.

"Your eyelashes are really pretty."

Bess grinned at her, fluttering them dramatically for a second. "Thanks, doll."

"Nan, focus. Or I'm gonna make a pot of coffee." George directed a glare at her.

Nancy sighed. "It's nothing," she mumbled. "I'm okay. I'm fine."

"I... _fuck_ , George, how long does it take to open a damn wine bottle!" Bess pushed herself up and stumbled over to the cabinet to grab some wine glasses; she brought them to the table one at a time, holding them like they were priceless. Once her hip brushed against the lip of the table, and the glasses trembled ominously. "And you're not fine, Nan. I know you must miss Ned a lot."

Nancy remembered their late-summer trip to the house at Fox Lake, how familiar it had felt; Bess and George had caught Nancy and Ned holding hands, making out, murmuring to each other in soft tones, much the way they had during almost every other visit to the cabin. Visiting the cabin again so soon after their visit during the vow-renewal weekend had been lovely, and Ned had brought candles and other little touches to make their room more romantic. Bess and George, and everyone else, had known better than to interrupt them, once they had retired for the night.

"I miss him so much," Nancy whispered, and looked down at the diamond pavé ring she was twisting around her finger. "Can I have some wine?"

George nodded, and she poured generous glasses; Bess passed Nancy one, and when she almost tipped it over, she took it more slowly. Nancy took a long sip, and she could tell that she was wavering at the edge of intoxication, and if she wasn't too careful, she was _definitely_ going to overshoot. If she hadn't already.

"If I stop drinking maybe Ned will too."

George's eyes were narrowed when she gazed at Nancy. "He's started drinking again?" Her voice was tense.

"Oh, honey." Bess reached over and placed her hand over Nancy's.

"No, he's not. Not drinking now." Nancy had her wine glass halfway to her lips before she reconsidered, but she didn't stop it. "But he's been thinking about it."

George shook her head, then brought her own glass to her lips and drained it. Then she just looked down.

"Is that why you're upset? You think he's drinking right now?"

Nancy's stomach twisted at Bess's words. "I hope not," she whispered. "Oh my God, I hope not."

"Did he talk to you about it, or did he buy some? What happened?"

George kept her mouth closed as Nancy told them the story of what had happened, that Ned _had_ come home with two bottles of liquor, but they were untouched; in fact, Nancy had put the paper bags along with their contents into the pantry instead of the liquor cabinet, kind of hoping that Ned would forget they were there.

"Okay," Nancy said, looking at George warily. "Out with it."

George shook her head. "I told you that I'm behind you, and I am," she said. "I mean it. You're not going to hear anything from me."

Nancy looked down; she could feel tears welling up in her eyes, and she couldn't stop them. "You two have always been there for me," she said. "God, I feel so shitty—I didn't want to see that disappointed look on your face, so you may as well say what you're thinking."

George shook her head again. She pressed her lips together, but she didn't say anything.

"It's going to happen again," Nancy said, her voice rising into a cry as she stared at George, willing her, daring her to agree with her. "That's what you're thinking, I know it. He'll start drinking again, he'll start working those damn long hours again and I won't see him and it will just _happen all over again_..."

Bess grabbed Nancy's hand. "Stop it!" she said, her eyes wide. "Nancy, you have to stop, okay? You're upset and we're drunk..."

"And I'm not enough for him, and now that he knows that..." Nancy shook her head sharply, waving her hand; she heard her wine glass clink against the tabletop, but she didn't care. "How the fuck can I even think about getting pregnant now if he... if he..."

George shook her head again. "Nan, you have to calm down. Please calm down."

Bess brought Nancy a tissue, and she wiped her face. "Honey, look, let's put on our pajamas and sit down in the living room and talk, okay? It sounds like you're really upset about this and we want to help."

Nancy looked down and sniffled. "I don't know what to do," she whispered.

"Here," Bess said, and together she and George helped Nancy to the stairs, then up. They had only managed a few when Nancy heard her cell phone buzzing in her purse.

"Shit," Nancy muttered, and George put Nancy's hand on the railing, then went back for her purse. By the time she found Nancy's phone, the ringing had stopped. "It was Ned, wasn't it."

"Yeah," George said.

Once they made it upstairs, Bess and George asked again if she was okay; Nancy said she was, and George left her phone on the bed for her before they left. The room was spinning and wobbling as Nancy crossed to the bathroom; she barely made it in time.

Emptying her stomach of its contents was miserable, but once she had stopped heaving and was gasping her breath back, her face wet from crying and her running nose, she felt a temporary burst of euphoria. When she closed her eyes, the room seemed to spin even more, so she kept them open. She saw a fine film of dust over the linoleum behind the toilet, and not for the first time, she wondered about the family who had stayed here while she and Ned had been slowly disintegrating on the other side of the country. Their _home_.

_I'm miserable without him._

She was miserable, but she didn't know if that misery was thanks to her suspicion. She hated the way she felt when they were apart. She hated being nervous about where he was and what he might be doing, after he had sworn to her and promised, and she had believed him—but it was so much easier to believe him when he was with her. He was working in advertising again, though; maybe he had done what he could to minimize temptation, but he would never be able to eliminate it completely.

He would be introduced to other glamorous women, and only the wedding band around his finger would serve as a barrier—however flimsy it would be to women like Carly. 

_No. We said we wouldn't do this. It's over. The suspicion and blame, that's done._

And when he slipped? When one drink became two, became three? When a client came in from out of town and asked if Ned could score him—or her, who knew?—some coke or pills? She would look at him and know she had been a fool to ever believe him. And her heart would break, all the more because she had taken him back, even after everything. She had had the chance to rebuild her life without him, but she hadn't taken it. For them to fail now...

She was burning up. She yanked her sweater over her head, rinsed her mouth out and splashed her face with cold water until she was shivering; she did the best she could with a makeup removing cloth, but she could still feel the traces of foundation on her skin. She looked pale, but that was thanks to her nausea.

That made her remember other times she had been sick, the morning sickness—and, again, the baby. She shook her head, setting her mouth into a tight line, but her eyes welled up again. She had to stop thinking about it, but so much of what was in her head was hurting; it felt like she was surrounded, that anything she thought about was just going to hurt...

She had only been able to look directly at Jan's baby a few times, and each time she had felt such terrible jealousy and longing.

She unfastened her jeans as she walked back into the bedroom, then reached for her phone before she started trying to struggle out of the stretchy garment. Ned had left her a voicemail, but she didn't bother listening to it; she tapped the button that would call him back, but had to try three more times, huffing with frustration, before the phone responded. She still felt unsteady and anxious. She had another day and a half to get through without him.

With each ring that burred in her ear, Nancy felt her anxiety climb; the call clicked over to voicemail and Nancy flopped backwards on the bed, realizing too late that all that movement was a mistake. She tapped the button to end the call and concentrated on her breathing for a moment, considering whether she should listen to his voicemail. At least that way—

Her phone began to ring, and Nancy was so startled that she dropped it onto her chest, then fumbled with it. Her fingers were impossibly thick and clumsy, and it took her another two tries to answer the call. "Hello?"

"Nan? Sorry. I realized I was probably interrupting. Just wanted to make sure you were doing okay, and to tell you I love you."

Nancy sniffled. "How—how did your day go?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

"It... it went well," he said cautiously. "You sound upset, honey. Did you go to the hospital?"

"Yeah." Nancy sniffled again and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, her eyes stinging with tears. "I'm just really... I'll be okay."

"You'll _be_ okay... did you want to get on webcam again? I think Chris and I will be back at the hotel in about an hour..."

"No, no. It's okay. I was just changing into my pajamas... Bess and George are here, and..."

"Well, if you're sure."

"Yeah. Yeah, I am." She sniffled, then made her voice even softer. "I wish you were home."

"I wish I was home too," he said. "I love you. Call me if you need me."

"I do need you," she whispered, then closed her eyes. "Oh God, I need you..."

She could hear a noisy jumble of voices on the other end of the line. "Sorry, I couldn't hear you—"

"Nothing." Nancy sighed. "I'll see you on Sunday. Hurry home, baby."

"I will."

She could feel each beat of her heart. She closed her eyes once her phone's screen had faded to black and felt the room gently continue spinning around her. He was thinking of her, and he would be home soon, and she was being ridiculous...

She dragged herself over to her dresser, and she had just managed to struggle into a pair of flannel pants when she heard a knock at the door. "Nan? You all right?"

"Yeah," Nancy sighed. She was sitting on the floor, and once she had pulled an old v-neck t-shirt on, she sat panting for a moment. Climbing to her feet seemed too tricky to contemplate. "Might need some help getting up."

The three of them managed to make it downstairs without incident, although when they reached the head of the stairs, Nancy realized she had left her cell phone on the bed and they had to go back for it. The large family room was chilly; Nancy looked over at the fireplace, but the firewood was outside under a doubtless waterlogged tarp, and the part of her that realized just how inebriated she still was doubted a fire would be a good idea. She cranked up the thermostat, then collapsed onto the couch with a sigh.

George was the first to speak up. "Feeling any better?"

"I should get some water." She tipped her head back with another sigh. "Oh my God, I just want tonight to be over. I want to wake up Sunday and see him walking through the door."

George went to the kitchen, and Bess moved closer to Nancy on the couch. "Nan, I'm sorry," she said softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm sure that seeing Jan really hurt, and I hate that. C'mere."

Nancy's lower lip was wobbling, and she couldn't help it; when Bess wrapped her arms around her and gave her a hug, Nancy started crying again, in terrible gasping sobs. George returned to the living room; she had filled a pitcher with iced water and had brought heavy glasses that were less likely to tip over, and she put it down on the coffee table and joined her cousin and her best friend on the couch.

"I just want you to be happy, Nan," George said, and sniffled. "I just want all three of us to be happy. I hate seeing you like this. I want to fix it."

Nancy shook her head, sniffling and swiping under her nose. "I can't fix it," she said, her voice still trembling a little, and her lashes were wet and matted, and her stomach was churning again. "None of us can. I wish we could. Nothing is going to bring my baby back, and seeing them tonight..." She shook her head sharply, taking a quick breath. "I'll find a way to live with it, but I just don't know how."

George gave her a sympathetic smile, patting her back. "It hurts," she agreed. "Being told that _this_ , what they have, is what I'm supposed to want... but I don't want kids. And even if I do settle down one day with someone and maybe get married, that's what everyone will ask me. 'So when are you gonna have a kid?'"

"And I'd love to have a baby," Bess said. "And I guess I could, but I don't want to have a child with some random one-night stand, or a guy who just 'can't help' cheating on me, or who only stays with me when he has no other good prospects. I want a guy who would be there for me, who would be my family."

"Dex?" George asked.

Bess shrugged, embracing Nancy one last time before she released her and reached for the pitcher. George slid off the couch and onto the rug at their feet to help pour the water into glasses. "Who knows? I mean, I think he's incredible... but I've thought that before. It's so fucking hard to keep picking myself back up and trying again." She gave Nancy a sad smile. "But if I don't... well, then, I guess I'll just be miserable, and I'll never have a chance of finding my Ned."

"You two seemed so happy at the lake," George said, and glanced at Nancy. "You and Ned, too. The last time I saw you like this, Nan... well, it was back when you were separated."

Nancy blinked another pair of tears down her cheeks, smiling her thanks at George when she handed her a glass of water. Her hands were a little unsteady still. "It's been a hard day," she murmured. "I promise, I'm not usually like this. I'm not."

George looked down. "But if Ned is thinking about drinking again..."

Nancy took a sip of her iced water, trying to marshal her thoughts. She was feeling a little more level-headed. "He's going to be in situations where he might be offered drinks," she said. "There's nothing he or I can do about it. He might accidentally try a drink. But the way he explained it to me—he wants to know _now_ , if he's addicted. If he's an alcoholic. A lot of what he—what _we_ ," she corrected herself firmly, "did back there was because we were so unhappy. I have to keep reminding myself of that. He drank, and... did other things because he was unhappy, and so did I." She took a long breath.

"And you're drinking tonight because you're unhappy."

Bess shot a glare at her cousin, but Nancy shrugged. "Yeah, I guess," she said. "I feel miserable and I can't do anything about it..."

"So why don't you tell Ned that you don't want him to drink?"

"I... well, I kind of have," Nancy said. "I told him I wasn't comfortable with it, and he agreed. He wants to try it at home, with just me. Controlled."

"And if you wake up in the morning and all the liquor in the house is gone, and he's fallen off the wagon again?" Bess's voice was tentative.

"Then he says he'll check into a treatment program and that will be it."

"He says that when he's _sober_ ," George pointed out.

Nancy's eyes began to sting again. "And if that night he gets in the mood for it, and calls a friend he know can score him some coke?" she whispered. "If he's working hard one night and needs some stress relief? If some gorgeous client walks into his office at five o'clock one afternoon, locks his door behind her and starts taking her clothes off?" Nancy brushed impatiently at her wet cheeks. "This is it; this is the last of it. The last of my trust. This is our _home_ , and we should be safe here. And if we... if we can't get pregnant again, for some reason, if I'm lonely..." She blew out her breath in a long sigh. "Well, I can swear all I want, just like I know _now_ , that I would never sleep with anyone else, never even _think_ about it. He swore that to me until he was practically blue in the face, while we were in therapy. Part of renewing our vows was deciding that the past was forgiven and done... and I can't keep going back to it, picking at it like a scab until it bleeds again, until I've pretty much wished unhappiness on myself again."

"That's true," Bess said. "This is just one thing he wants to do. The rest of what you're talking about, you can't assume..."

"That they're dominoes?" George interjected. "You mean just like they were before? Nan, if you don't want him to drink—I really don't think you're being selfish about this. It's just common sense."

"And if he resents me for it, and drinks anyway?" Nancy shook her head. "I don't want to do that to him."

"So either he's unhappy or you are."

Nancy could feel her chest getting tight. "It won't be like that," she said softly. "I don't want it to be like that. Can we... can we watch a movie or something? Make popcorn and do all the sleepover things?"

Their first batch of microwave popcorn was too singed to eat, but the second batch was almost perfect. Bess's contribution to their evening was a carton of ice cream and a box of soft-baked cookies, and they pulled the comforter off the guest bed and huddled under it when they were cold, half-watching the movie, talking until they were lulled by the sound of their own voices.

And Nancy made up her mind. She didn't have a choice. Her career put her in physical peril more often than her husband liked, and sometimes she needed to unwind; he did, too, and he didn't demand that she find another career. She was good at her job, and so was he.

He hadn't told her that he was going to drink regardless of her wishes. He hadn't taken it on himself to try his experiment when she was out of town. And it had been fun to drink with him, back when all the baggage hadn't been attached, when they had both just been relaxed and flirty and _happy_.

What she had learned, in the time they had been together and he had been sober, was that she liked him sober. Some things were easier to talk about when they were drunk, but she had been willing to forego that for the rest of her life. She still was. She knew that when he was in bed with her, he was fully present—when he wasn't exhausted, anyway—and so was she. She liked being the center of his attention. She liked knowing that he didn't have to get drunk to go to bed with her.

She drifted off to sleep; when she woke again, the movie they had been watching had restarted itself, and both Bess and George were snoring quietly. The three of them were warm and cuddled under the blanket together, with George's feet tucked under Bess's thigh, and Bess's head resting on Nancy's shoulder. She smiled to herself as she pictured how Ned would have reacted to the sight, then gently eased out from beneath Bess. "Hey," she whispered. "C'mon, go to bed. Or you'll have a monster crick in your neck."

Bess drowsily stumbled along behind Nancy, then collapsed heavily to the guest bed and was asleep almost immediately. Nancy found another comforter in the linen closet, stubbing her toe in the process, then tossed it over her shivering friend. George looked comfortable enough on the couch, and so Nancy left her there, adjusting the comforter around her before she turned the television off.

Their bed was empty and cold, but Ned would be rejoining her in it soon.

Maybe it would be a mistake... but she didn't want it to be a mistake he was making without her. And, she vowed to herself, if Ned did start to show signs of dependence, she would contact Sol and encourage Ned to take his advice about it, whatever it was.

\--

Ned let her know when his plane landed, and in the interval before his arrival, time seemed to pass more slowly than it ever had before. Nancy made a last pass through the kitchen, making sure the counters and stove were clean, the table clear. She was trying out a recipe for a slow-roasted prime rib, and she expected it to be ready in time for their dinner; the scent coming from the oven was mouth-watering. The pineapple-coconut upside-down skillet cake was cooling on the counter, the smashed potatoes would just need a reheating, and the table was already set for dinner, whenever they decided to eat.

As soon as she heard a car door slam outside, she rushed to the front door. Ned was pulling a suitcase out of the trunk of the car; Nancy put on her coat and hurried out to greet him. The rain had finally stopped, but the cold wind was sharp enough to cut through the seams of clothing and leave skin numb.

"Hey," Ned said, giving her a grin as she reached him. He pulled a few coathangers out of the trunk along with his luggage; he had picked up the dry-cleaning, and she took it out of his hands. "Thought I'd save you or me a trip."

"I'm so glad you're home."

"Me too." Ned shook his head. "That flight was awful. I'm exhausted."

Nancy's heart sank a little, but she gave him a smile. "Well, let's get your stuff inside so you can relax for a while."

They both thanked Chris and Maura for the ride, and Ned let out a long, loud sigh, followed by a yawn, as soon as he walked into their house. "God," he muttered. "Planes are definitely overrated."

"Go ahead, sit down," she told him, nodding at the couch. "I'll just take your suitcases upstairs..."

Ned looked over at the couch, then shook his head, hefting the heaviest suitcase to take it upstairs. "Nah. Need to change clothes anyway..." He pulled at the front of his shirt. "Did I mention there was a lot of turbulence? And I ended up with a sub spilled all over me, one that was dripping in oil and vinegar and salami?" He wrinkled his nose. "I'd say I smell delicious, if it hadn't had olives on it too..."

Nancy couldn't help chuckling. "Let me get some pre-treater on that."

Ned made a soft appreciative sound when he saw their bedroom. Nancy had put candles on the bedside tables, and she had left a short pale-blue lace slip on the bed as an invitation. "Hmm. Welcome home to me..."

"Something like that." She took his long-sleeved shirt and jeans as soon as he took them off, carrying them to the laundry room. When she returned, Ned was in the bathroom, rinsing himself off, already entirely stripped down.

"Hey, you want to... maybe, take a bath? Together? It'd be a nice way to relax," she offered.

"Oh... sure, Nan. That sounds nice."

She brought a few of the candles into the bathroom while the tub was filling with hot water, and tossed in some lavender chamomile bath salts that promised relaxation and rejuvenation. Ned came back into the bathroom after plugging his cell phone in, and he was still naked; she let her gaze wander over him, the dark stubble on his cheeks, the trail of dark hair beneath his belly button and down his legs. He wore both bands she had placed on his fingers, one on each hand, and nothing else; while he didn't look exactly the same as he had years earlier, when they had met, to her heart he did. The fine lines and scars didn't matter. Underneath, his heart was still the same. Maybe he had lost his way for a while, but he was with her—and when they were together, the doubt and fear felt foolish, just a figment of her inebriated anxious thoughts.

He seemed exhausted, but not worried, not like he was hiding anything.

Nancy slowly pulled off her gray sweater, feeling Ned's gaze on her. She stripped off the rest of her clothes, shivering a little when her feet came in contact with the chilly floor, and Ned came over to her, his fingertips trailing up her spine.

"You know the great thing about being my own boss? I might just take the morning off." He ducked in and kissed the side of her neck gently, and Nancy closed her eyes. "Any way I can spend it in bed with my wife?"

"Mmm. I wish," she apologized, turning to him. "Maybe Thursday afternoon, though?"

He shook his head. "Can't do it then. Too much going on." He sighed against her neck as he kissed her again. "Remember when we used to think that growing up was going to be nothing but movies and vacations and fun, all day long?"

"You mean it isn't?" she teased him with a smile, then dipped her toe into the bathwater.

She settled into the tub first, and Ned flipped off the light before joining her. They could hear the wind whipping around the house, but inside they were warm, and the candlelight cast golden flickering shadows against the wall. Nancy relaxed against the curve opposite the faucet, and Ned moved to rest his head against her shoulder. Her legs were parted, his back to her front, and she wrapped her arms around him and felt him sigh in contentment.

"What's that incredible smell coming from downstairs?" His voice was quiet, almost dreamy.

"Prime rib. That's your real welcome-home present." She smiled as she murmured it.

"Mmm. That sounds great, honey."

He hadn't been joking about his exhaustion. She hadn't been intentionally trying to seduce him with the idea of taking a bath together, and she had spent so much time in the kitchen that morning and afternoon that it was nice to relax for a while, but it was strange to be naked together and content, not making love or trying to make love. They hadn't even tried to have sex in the tub many times, and her cheeks flushed a little as she remembered the last time. She _had_ been trying to seduce him then, and it hadn't worked.

"Mmm," Ned murmured, and she realized that he had drifted off—and that she practically had, too. He reached for the soap and she took it out of his hands, rinsing his arms before she lathered the bar between her palms and traced the soap over his skin, then rinsed it away.

He turned and she sat on his thighs as he repeated the motion with her, soaping her shoulders and arms and then rinsing the lather away, following with her breasts. She gazed into his face as he caressed her, and when he had washed the soap away, she moved forward, resting her cheek against his shoulder as she held him. 

His palm moved in comforting circles against her shoulder blades and back as he held her in return. "You seemed so upset almost every time I called you," he said softly, and kissed her temple. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I missed you so much. It was awful..."

He kissed the join of her neck and shoulder, up the side of her neck, against her jaw, and she pulled back, bringing her face level again. He tilted his head and kissed her, his fingertips sliding down her spine, swirling against the small of her back, and she kissed him hard in return.

She pressed herself against him and shivered as his tongue grazed against hers. She ran her fingers through his hair and he growled softly.

"Now?" he murmured.

"Yeah," she said softly, and they rose together.

They toweled off and brought the candles into the bedroom, and when they stood together beside their bed, the stillness and silence sent a frisson of nervousness down her spine. He touched her bare side, cupping her hip, and she shivered when she looked up at him; he stepped forward, kissing her hard, and she seemed to melt in his arms. She groped behind her for the comforter, pulling it back, and he moved onto the bed with her.

They started on their sides, her leg slung over his hips, kissing and stroking each other, and with a jolt of her hips she rolled him onto his back. He caressed her breasts, plucking at her nipples, and she caught his lower lip between her teeth as she ground her hips against his. She tasted no alcohol in his mouth, only a trace of spearmint; when she pulled back and looked down at him, his dark eyes were clear, and she felt everything she didn't know how to say fading in her. She had to believe that everything he said was true. She had to.

Ned brought his hand up and drew her back down to him. "Hey," he murmured. "You okay?"

She nodded. "I'm okay."

"I thought you'd be all over me, since we didn't have a chance to webcam." He stroked her hair back from her cheek. "You've been different, since I bought those bottles..." He sighed.

Nancy's eyes dropped. He was right. She released her own sigh and slumped against him, resting her head against his shoulder, and Ned wrapped his arms around her.

"Just be honest with me," he said softly. "I don't want this to come between us."

"It already has," she murmured, before she could stop herself. "I... I've thought a lot about it, and if you want this... let's do it next weekend. We'll agree before we start, where we're going to stop. And if you can't..."

"Then I'll go for treatment," Ned murmured, and she listened for any anger in his voice, but she didn't hear it. He sounded anxious, but that was all. "Only if you're sure, Nan."

"I am." She sighed.

He made a soft sound. "Well, I guess I didn't expect you to be overjoyed about it, but..."

She rolled off him; the mood had passed, for her anyway, and she wanted to look into his eyes. "If you want me to be honest with you—no, I'm not excited about this. I'm afraid. I know... I know that maybe it won't be a big deal—but Ned, maybe it will be. Drinking could trigger you."

"Make me crave another hit, you mean."

She found it incredibly difficult to look into his face or respond, but she forced herself to. "Yeah."

"So I guess I just need to prove to you that it won't." His tone was almost even, but his jaw was clenched, and Nancy felt her heart shrink.

"You asked me to be honest with you."

"Yeah." He still sounded angry. "It was a mistake. I thought you might understand."

"And you're not understanding how awful it was, when we were in L.A.," she replied, her own temper rising. "Don't you think we should talk to Sol about this?"

"For what?" he asked, sitting up. "Any decision I make from now on needs his approval? I'm trying to be an adult about this, but what this boils down to is that you don't trust me."

She sat up too, hugging her knees to her chest. "I trust you," she said.

"No, you—"

" _Listen_ ," she begged him. The back of her throat was tight. "I do trust you. I love you. Please understand that. The man who is with me right now... but I just never want to see that man who used to share my bed, and it is _so_ , so hard to hear you say that you want to do this when it might start everything over again."

"It's not going to be like that. I swear to you."

"You're swearing to me now," she said softly. "While you're sober."

He reached up and touched her cheek. "Don't you remember? The way it used to be; we would have fun together, and it wouldn't lead to anything bad..."

"That was _then_ ," she whispered, looking into his eyes. Her own were pooling with tears. "You say that you're trying to be an adult, but so am I, and I think we need to acknowledge that it's a very real possibility... and, Ned, the man who is with me right now? He's _with me_. He's not thinking about something else; he's not numb with scotch or anything else, he doesn't need that to be with me." Her voice was trembling at the end.

"Nan, that's not what this is about. That's never what this is about."

"So you need to do this, to prove you're a big strong man again? I promise you, right now—I'll stop completely, if that will help change your mind. I don't _need it._ And if you do..."

He shook his head hard. " _No_. This is—when I order a round, I want to know if I can drink one and say I'm finished. To drink a fucking toast at a wedding; to drink some champagne with you on our wedding anniversary. Not to get fucked up every Friday and Saturday night. Not for..." He flushed. "Not for excuses."

"Excuses for why you couldn't come home to me."

"Yeah." His voice was low. "Because it helped me deal with that judgemental look on your face. It helped me deal with how angry and sad you were. And you were happy until I asked you about this. At least—I think you were."

She nodded, and gave him a small, sad smile. "For a little while—it was like we were on our honeymoon again," she murmured. "Like nothing could hurt us."

Ned sighed. "I never want to make you cry," he murmured, and brushed a tear from her cheek with the ball of his thumb. "Never. And part of what you said—a little of it is that, yeah, I can't just have a cold beer with Mike if I want. And he probably will want, to celebrate..." Ned sighed heavily again, and looked down.

"I hope it doesn't break your heart like it did mine," Nancy whispered, and he brought his head up to look into her eyes again, and she couldn't stop herself from crying this time. "To see their baby and feel such incredible jealousy and—and _anger_. We're going to watch her grow up and it's always going to hurt."

Ned reached for her, pulling her into his arms, and she clung to him, her face against his shoulder. "Nan," he whispered. "Oh God, honey."

"And I drank," she murmured, and sniffled. "I drank and I hoped the pain would stop and it didn't... I drank until I was sick and I missed you so much. But you're okay."

"I missed you too," he told her, stroking her back. "We'll let Daniella go next time, or we'll bring them to us. I don't want to waste time, Nan. We came so close to losing so much, and I... baby, if you don't believe it, I don't know how to convince you. My life is with you. I'm never happier than when I'm with you. Maybe it's hard sometimes, and I know it won't be a string of perfect days for the rest of our lives, but there's no one else I would rather share this with, than you."

"You told me..."

He hushed her, stroking the back of her neck. "I did what I did back then because we were apart," he said. "We're not apart now. I didn't value this then. I value it more than ever, now. I would rather take my own _life_ in my hands than do coke again—and that's exactly what I would be doing, and I know that. So when you tell me that you're afraid that will happen again— _no_. We swore it to each other and I have no intention of going back on it. You mean too much to me."

She sighed against his neck, then moved back. "And if I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be so afraid right now."

He gave her a small smile, then brushed her hair from her forehead. "You worry because you care."

"Don't," she murmured. "Don't just brush it off like that. I'd take a bullet straight through the heart for you. And even though it's breaking my heart, I'd stand between you and a decision that could turn you into a shell of who you are. I'd fight the man I love to keep him whole."

He stroked her cheek again. "Well, as strange as it sounds, I guess I understand," he told her. He started to say something else, but then he shook his head.

"What?"

"We—you told me that you might want to think about—trying again, soon. I thought you had said before that you definitely wanted to."

Nancy's stomach flipped, and she looked down until Ned hooked his finger under her chin and brought her head back up. "It would be a lot of responsibility and stress, on top of the stress you're already under," she said slowly.

He shrugged. "Someone told me once that you can plan all you want, but a baby will come when it comes. If we wait until we're both perfectly ready, we might be fifty years old. But ever since we met—well, not _specifically,_ but you know what I mean—I've wanted to have a family with you, to have a child with you. The only thing that will change my mind is if you say that you've changed yours."

Her gaze dropped to his lips. Again, that morning, she had considered before taking her birth control pill; again, she had decided to continue taking it. "One mountain at a time," she told him. "Next weekend, if you... well, if you're able to stop yourself..." She blinked another pair of tears down her cheeks. "I'll go off the pill and we... we can start trying again."

"And if... if that's not what happens?" Ned's voice was very quiet.

"Then after you're treated," she told him, her own voice soft too. "Okay? And it will be different this time..."

He nodded, leaning forward, and gently kissed a tear from her cheek. "It will," he said softly. "I swear it. It will be okay."

The oven timer went off a few minutes later; Nancy felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off her, and although she still felt a little nervous, she felt much better. She and Ned dressed and went downstairs, and his compliments on seeing the roasted prime rib made Nancy smile and blush with pleasure. She asked him to toss together the salad ingredients she had already chopped and prepared while the prime rib rested, and when they brought their dinner to the table, he had lit the candles, too.

She had set out their wedding china.

What had happened, she knew they could never change. But every good memory they made in the time after was another pushing it further into the past. Every day they were together after their reconciliation was another day they had made it, against the odds, against everything. He had gone on a business trip and he had come back to her, and nothing was wrong—and it was a miracle. Every brush of his skin against hers, every kiss, felt like a miracle. The prime rib hadn't been cheap, but she had felt like celebrating, like welcoming him back home.

Nancy was glad the meat was perfectly cooked, and Ned swore, a teasing glint in his eyes, that surely Hannah was hidden in a closet somewhere. Nancy admitted that Hannah had given her a few tips, but that was all, and when Ned declared himself the most content husband on earth, she believed him. He left only a few scraps on his plate, and Nancy was only able to serve herself a slender slice of the cake, she was so full. Ned took a serving double that size, and pronounced it incredible.

After dinner they took the time to check their emails and phones, and they went to bed early, conscious of what they had interrupted themselves doing earlier. Nancy changed into the blue lace slip, and Ned came to bed naked after setting his alarm, diving under the covers against the chill in the room.

"Still feeling exhausted, honey?" Nancy murmured, after she turned the lamp at her bedside off.

"Mmm. I think I can stay awake a little while longer," Ned said with a smile in his voice.

The love he made to her was sweet and slow, and she marveled at it again, how natural it felt to be with him like this, how familiar it was, how much she needed him and always had. He was hers, and she couldn't stop touching him, running her palms and her fingertips against his back, his shoulder blades, his ass, the soft texture of his hair between her fingers as she cupped the back of his head, the soft groan of the bedsprings beneath them as he shifted his weight and she moaned, her feet sliding against the sheet as she angled her hips against his touch. He stroked her clit and steadily worked two fingers in and out of her tight slippery sex, and she released a quiet whimper at the deepest point of every thrust, feeling her inner flesh clench around him.

"So good," she gasped, and kissed his neck, his adam's apple, his shoulder. "Oh God..."

"Yeah," Ned whispered, and his lips found hers in the dark, and her hips jerked as he circled her clit with a firmer stroke. "Did you touch yourself while I was out of town, baby?"

"I would have," she moaned, and circled her hips, her lashes fluttering down as she began to pant. "For you..."

He groaned when she palmed his cock, stroking the underside, hooking one leg over the small of his back. "You are so unspeakably hot," he growled, and drew his fingers until they were just barely inside her, then stroked the lips of her sex with the slick proof of her arousal. She mewled when he guided them all the way down to her perineum, then back up again, still fondling her clit, until her arousal was a terrible thrumming anticipation.

She closed her fingers around his cock and tugged gently. "Please," she gasped.

"Mmm," Ned murmured, then leaned down and kissed her, plunging three fingers into her pussy as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, and she tensed under him before her hips began to shallowly buck against his hand. "God, _yes_..."

He rolled over, onto his back, and she trembled as she mounted him, his fingertips still stroking and teasing her clit. She couldn't seem to draw a full breath, and her cheeks were already flushed; as soon as the tip of his cock was inside her she reached down and hurriedly stripped her gown off, leaving her naked and astride him, and he took the hint. She moaned with pleasure as he brought his other hand up and played with her nipples in alternating, teasing pinches and strokes.

"Fuck," she growled, arching as she took his cock, inch by sweet inch, her knees spread wide and her heart speeding. "Oh God, oh _fuck_..."

"Yeah, baby," he urged her, and his stroke against her clit was more insistent. "Oh God, you feel so good, baby..."

She tipped her head back, motionless for a moment as she felt his entire length inside her, thick and tight. Ned groaned in pleasure when his stroke against her clit made her spasm around him again, and she moved her feet forward so she could squat over him, then reached behind her and propped herself up on the heels of her hands. Ned looped an arm around her and pulled her forward a few inches, moving so he could prop himself up to watch his cock move in the sweet clench of her sex with every thrust of her hips, and she shuddered, moaning in pleasure as she mounted him again.

"You like that?" she murmured, panting as she rode him, her breasts bouncing with every thrust. "You like watching me ride that hard cock?"

"Fuck yes," Ned growled. "So incredibly sexy. Tell me how much you love to take it, bad girl," he said, pinching her nipple before he pulled his hand back and lightly slapped her ass.

"Mmm," she moaned, biting her lip and tossing her hair as she took his full length again. "Oh God, _yeah_... I love how you fill me up, so good..."

"Say my name." He slapped her lightly again.

"Ned," she moaned, jerking her hips more rapidly. "Oh my _God_..."

"Rub your clit and cream yourself for me, gorgeous," he ordered her, and she licked her thumb, then shuddered and cried out as she obeyed him. He fondled her breasts and pinched her nipples as she touched herself, and when she thought her strength would fail, she let out a pleading sob. Ned brought his knees up and she let him support her weight as she kept riding him, desperately fondling her clit.

"Mmm. So hot, baby."

Her hips shuddered as her orgasm began to rise. "Shit, my hand's going numb," she groaned.

Ned chuckled. "Welcome to my life," he grunted, and bumped her back with his knees. She tilted forward and when she realized what he was about to do, she knelt over him.

He rolled over and she brought her legs up so his shoulders were pressed against the backs of her knees with every thrust, and then she crossed her ankles behind his head, still frantically rubbing her clit with her other hand as he pounded into her. He smacked her ass again at the deepest point of his next thrust and she sobbed out a cry, her shoulders tensing.

"God, what I wouldn't fucking give for that cock ring right now," he muttered, and when he snaked his hand between them and they were both fondling her clit, she tipped her head back, exposing the column of her throat as she released a desperate scream, broken only when she drew her breath for another. "That's right, baby. Scream for me while I fuck your sweet wet pussy... God, you feel so good..."

Her hips jerked under him again. "Mmm, I love when you fuck me like this," she cried out. "Oh fuck right there, _right there..._ "

She let out a loud desperate scream when he bumped against her g-spot, again and again, and the pleasure was like exquisite pain, unbearable and sharply sweet. She writhed under him, sobbing as they kept fondling her clit, and screamed again when he gave her nipple a hard tweak. She smacked his ass and he released a dark chuckle, ducking down to nip hard at her neck.

"Yeah," she burbled, her pussy clenching around him as his teeth sank into her flesh. "Fuck oh _yes yes yessssss_..."

He nipped at her again and she screamed as her orgasm finally peaked, her eyes rolling back, nails digging into his back. He grunted as he pushed his full length inside her, and she writhed when he kept fondling her clit, feeling his hips jolt against hers as he spent himself deep inside her. At his hoarse cry she felt her sex spasm around him again, her heart speeding as she tipped her chin back down and looked up at him.

With a groan he let himself collapse to her, and Nancy gasped as he moved inside her. Her sex was achingly sensitive, and she didn't have the strength or the will to move. Her lashes fluttered down, her palm still against his sweat-damp back, fingers splayed.

"Mmm," Ned groaned. "Oh holy shit."

"Mmm," Nancy agreed, still too spent to move. She was pleasantly warm and sated, and his breath was warm against her skin.

After a long moment, he kissed her cheek, then slipped out of her. She whimpered and flinched, still oversensitized; for a few more heartbeats she lay sprawled on their bed, and when he wiped the slick trace of their joining from her thighs, she let out a soft contented sigh.

"So," he murmured, when he rejoined her in bed. "Good practice?"

"Fuck yes," she murmured, rolling over and cuddling against him, and he slipped his arm up around her shoulders. She pressed her face against him. "Oh God. I almost can't _move_ , that was so good."

Ned chuckled, then kissed her forehead, before they both fell into a deep exhausted sleep.

\--

Fridays at NMC were like Fridays at the other agencies where Ned had worked, but now that he was a partner—a founding partner, and one working hard to establish the company's client list—he didn't have the option to duck out early. His work week was full, and he had been playing catch-up ever since the Boston trip, returning calls, approving proofs, coordinating. Heather had finally made it to Chicago this week, her first full day on Thursday, and they had all been thankful she was such a quick study; she was wading into a maelstrom, but she was well on her way to mastering it.

It was the kind of week that, in Los Angeles, he would have spent in a haze of inebriation or hangover or some combination or the two. He lived on coffee instead. One of their first company investments had been in a highly-efficient coffee maker, and one of Nancy's welcome-to-NMC presents had been a basket of richly-flavored specialty blends.

She would be waiting for him at home tonight. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but he had overheard a conversation between her and someone else that led him to believe she had turned down an out-of-town assignment, because it would have meant being away for part of the weekend, and she had promised.

It had touched him, to know that. She had promised, and she was as good as her word. She was nervous, but she had agreed. She hadn't taken the easy way out and postponed their "date." He could clearly remember times that she would have jumped at the chance to be away from him. He could remember when she had rubbed the fact that she had a job and he didn't in his face, practically mocked him for it; when she had treated him like his touch was repugnant. It had sickened him, it had made him feel like he was less than a man, and he had lashed out at her in return—and that had only ended up hurting him.

They had come so far, and he wished with all his heart that his decision wouldn't be what broke their peace.

Ned had just clicked "Send" on an email when he heard a light tap at his door. Heather peeked into his office and gave him a small smile. "Hey. I'm sorry, are you busy?"

"No more than usual," Ned replied with his own smile, gesturing at the guest chair on the other side of his desk. Heather crossed to it and sat down with a small notepad on her lap, a pen in her hand. "What's up?"

"Just wanted to run a few things by you," she replied. "First off, would you mind if I use petty cash to provide a little birthday gift for each partner, or would that be inappropriate? It could just be a card..."

When Heather left his office fifteen minutes later, Ned couldn't help smiling to himself. Persuading Heather to come on board had definitely been one of the best decisions he had ever made. She had already decided to spend a few hours over the weekend coming up with a new digital organization system to keep the client files in order; her predecessors had left multiple entries and inactivated erroneous accounts cluttering their current system. She had come up with a system to make sure the phones were always covered, and she was the gatekeeper and manager, making sure that calls and faxes and speculative emails weren't passed on to the partners without any consideration whatsoever. The amount of static on Ned's end had already decreased significantly, and he was incredibly grateful. Any spam email he took the time to open and read was taking time away from his real work.

And, some days, the work was a little overwhelming, he had to admit. The impulse to approve proofs and marketing campaigns without the appropriate level of scrutiny was strong, and at the end of busy weeks like this one, he felt it in him: the knowledge that he could take Saturday, score a little and let the high carry him through on a wave of frenzied creativity and focus. He left it where it was, unexamined. It was true, but it was equally true that he could open his window, step out, and make it to the pavement quicker. It was equally true that he could gorge himself on all the desserts he wanted all day long. The gratification would be temporary; the repercussions would leave him miserable. He knew that if he ever did coke again, Nancy wouldn't insist on a separation; she would cut him out of her life completely. She had drawn a line, and crossing it meant cutting himself off from all their life together represented: a warm embrace in the dark, the brush of soft lips against his collarbone in the night, the gentle curve of her breast against his fingertips, and the privilege he might someday have again, to touch her belly and know that a piece of both of them was growing inside her. She was his rock, his best friend, the other half of his heart. Without her, he no longer knew who he _was_. He had _hated_ the emptiness and despair he had felt without her.

Ned stayed until five-thirty, answering and sending emails to clients and graphic artists, acutely aware that their clients in California might need to contact them—although it was more likely that their gazes were already straying to the sun-kissed pavement, the golden glint of the sunlight against the palm trees. Fridays were Fridays on either coast, after all.

As though in apology for the early onset of fall chill, they were experiencing one last brief span of Indian summer, and the night before Nancy had asked if they could grill out. Ned had made a large batch of hamburgers, and he was already looking forward to eating a couple of the leftovers when he pulled into their driveway—and he was surprised to see that his wife's car wasn't already there. He wondered if she had cold feet, and he felt a sudden irrational burst of anxiety that she hadn't been able to deal with his decision and she had decided to leave before he confirmed that he truly was an alcoholic, but when he walked into their home, nothing was out of place. He went upstairs to change, and cautiously opened the door of the walk-in closet; her clothes still hung neatly on her side, her pumps and boots and sandals lined up on their racks and in their holders.

He had just pulled a gray t-shirt made of soft brushed cotton over his head when he heard the garage door start to rise again. He came downstairs just in time to see Nancy walking through the garage door into the kitchen, and her face lit up with a smile when she saw him. She carried a pair of plastic grocery bags in her hands.

"Hey hon. Just had to stop by the store on the way home." He gave her a kiss on the cheek, taking the bags, and she sighed as she toed out of her shoes. "Mmm. It is so incredibly nice outside."

"Enjoy it while it lasts," he advised her, taking the bags to the counter to open as she scooped up her heels and headed for the stairs. In the bags he found a carton of orange juice, a container of juice cocktail, a can of pineapple in juice, a couple of lemons, a lime, and an orange. He almost expected to find a small bag of miniature paper umbrellas, too.

She came back downstairs wearing a gauzy pale-blue top and a pair of jeans he remembered very well, gathering her hair so she could tie it up in a ponytail. He could practically name the cases that had caused every stress in the fabric of those jeans, every small rip, but they still fit her like a glove. Sometimes, when they were together like this, it was easier to forget the time between, when she had been so slender that the jeans would have fallen off her, when they had almost felt like different people—and then she looked up at him and gave him a smile, and he saw the fear in her eyes, and then it was impossible to forget.

"Cheeseburgers?"

"Sure," Nancy said, and went to the cabinet for paper plates. "Outside?"

"Sure," Ned replied. Temperatures were expected to be thirty degrees lower in two days, and Ned wanted to take advantage of it.

Nancy sighed when they sat down together. "God, this weather would have been perfect for that dinner we had with Chris and Daniella and everyone."

Ned shrugged. "Sure, but we had a great night anyway, thanks to you."

She gave him a smile. "So what magnificent feats did Heather pull off today?"

Ned chuckled. He hadn't been able to help singing Heather's praises the night before, and Nancy had chimed in with his appreciation; he was glad that the two of them had hit it off so well and that Nancy had encouraged him to hire Heather, especially since Heather could have served as a reminder of California, in a less pleasant way. He filled Nancy in, commenting on how dedicated Heather already seemed to be to the job, taking time out of her weekend to come in. He saw a brief flicker cross Nancy's face, and when he asked if she had any cases that were going to claim her time over the weekend, she shook her head without mentioning anything else.

Dinner was casual but nice, and their conversation was easy, although Ned knew the real test wouldn't be getting through a meal together. It was on both their minds, and despite her assurance, he wondered if at the last minute she would lose her nerve.

"Okay," Nancy said, once they had thrown away their paper plates and put all the condiments back in the refrigerator. They were in the kitchen together, the warmth of the fading sunlight still lingering in their skin, and she put her hands on her hips, blowing a few wisps of hair out of her face. "Okay. I think we need some guidelines."

Ned nodded, staying silent. Whatever she wanted to do tonight was fine with him.

"I'm going to keep a tally sheet, and we're going to agree on a limit," she said. "And once you reach that limit..." She met his eyes then, her eyebrows rising slightly.

"Then I'll stop," he told her, taking another step toward her. "Hell, if I even do reach the limit. It's been months since I've had a drink."

Nancy shook her head slightly, her ponytail brushing against her shoulder blades in a quick arc, and her eyes searched his as he took another step toward her. "I thought it'd be better if we just... well, if we didn't pull our punches on this," she said. "I'll be the bartender, and just tell me what you want. We could do mai tais; we have some frozen strawberries and peaches we could use for daiquiris..."

Ned considered. "Let's keep it simple. Screwdriver."

One of Ned's fraternity brothers had given them a pretty nice bar set as a wedding present, and they pulled out the shaker, along with the rest of their drink supplies. He saw Nancy biting her lip a few times, but she made herself a mai tai, then poured the vodka and orange juice for his screwdriver. She had been serious about not pulling her punches, he noticed; she didn't skimp on the vodka.

"Anything else I need to know before we start?" Ned asked, his drink still untasted in his hand. "We gonna try to make these last, space them out?"

She took a deep breath. "Guess it depends on what we're trying to find out," she said, and she hadn't tasted her drink either. "Do you want to know if you can nurse a drink for thirty minutes, or if two drinks is your limit, or if getting drunk makes you..." She trailed off again, her hand describing a vague arc in the air.

"Let's see if I can make this last thirty minutes," he decided, and he was a little nervous and excited at the same time. "What's the limit?"

"How many drinks?" He nodded, and she glanced away. "Um, let's say three? Or four, if one of them is light. If your next order is a Long Island iced tea, I might cut you off for the night." She gave him a smile, but he saw that nervous look in her eyes again.

"Nah. I don't think we even have any tequila or gin." They took their drinks and headed to the living room, but Ned paused in the doorway. "I'm pretty thirsty, though, and I don't want to overdo it on this, so let me get a glass of water too."

She took his drink and gave him a nod. "One for me too, please?"

He chuckled quietly to himself when he saw the living room coffee table. She had set out coasters, along with some snacks, mixed nuts and crispy wheat crackers; in a bar, he would probably be snacking while drinking, so this at least would help him gauge his inebriation better. She picked up the remote as he sat down near her, flipping through the channels, and neither of them had taken the first sip yet. He was afraid to do it before she did, afraid she would see it as a sign of weakness or anticipation.

It had been nice, and _fun_ , to drink with her. That was still true. But so much was riding on what happened tonight that he just didn't want to screw it up. He never wanted to see her afraid of him, not the way she had been.

"God. There's nothing on," she sighed, jabbing the channel button a few more times before settling on a sitcom rerun. "Absolutely nothing on. Guess we'll have to entertain ourselves another way."

The hesitation before she glanced over at him was brief, but he saw the color rise in her cheeks; he could feel her anxiety in her words, the way she kept fidgeting. "Strip poker?" he suggested, hoping to break the tension.

She gave him a small grin. "You haven't even tried to get me drunk yet, and you're already trying to get my clothes off."

"Hey. It's all in the luck of the cards," he protested, holding his hands up, palms out. "Plus, you have a lot more to offer up. Three hands and I'd be out," he said, gesturing to his clothes.

"We could allow that one-minute raid on the coat closet, like we used to do," she suggested, her eyes twinkling. They had grabbed all the clothes they could, putting those in instead of actually stripping for the first few rounds.

He shrugged. "Or I could start out at the disadvantage," he suggested. "Knowing that once you saw me naked, it would only be a matter of time before you just had to get all up on this."

She grinned again. "Why, Mr. Nickerson, that sounds rather like a bet."

He reached over and brushed his thumb against the tip of her nose. "More like a sure thing," he murmured.

Her grin became a smile, and then she stood up on her knees, leaning over to plant a kiss against his lips. She searched his eyes as she murmured, "I love you, okay? Whatever happens, just... just please stay with me. We can get through it together."

"Just stay with me," he murmured. "Nan, I wouldn't do this without you. Thank you for doing this with me. It means a lot to me."

She planted another soft kiss against his lips, then sat down again. "Okay," she said, letting out her breath in a long sigh. "Let's do this."

He reached for his drink and she reached for hers, and then he offered his so she could tap her glass against his. "Cheers."

She gave him another smile, and then they lifted their drinks for the first sip.

The scent of the vodka was strong enough to reach him even over the orange juice, and it burned against his tongue almost immediately. He swallowed and felt it burn down his throat, and he paused for a moment before he put his glass down, trying to figure out whether he instantly wanted another sip, or to drain it fully. Nancy took another sip of her mai tai, then put her own glass down. "Mmm. A little more pineapple juice next time, I think," she murmured, then glanced over at him. "How's yours?"

"Good," he said, and reached for his water glass. "It's good."

She licked her lips, then reached for a couple of wheat crackers. "We never decided; do you want to play cards? Put on a movie?"

They went through the television listings again, and then Ned suggested they play a board game. He took another sip of his drink before he went to the cabinet where they kept their board games, and when he pulled out Clue, Nancy laughed.

"Really? Feeling lucky, Nickerson?"

He smirked. "Well, I'd almost say that you should have another drink before we start, just to keep things interesting."

They set up the board and took their slips of paper and pencils to keep track of their clues, dealt the cards and looked at them. Ned took another sip of his drink, and he was finally starting to feel it as a warmth in his chest. He still felt clearheaded, though. He followed with a sip of water.

"Crackers?"

It was easier to pace his drinking when they were actually doing something, and playing the game, rolling the dice and moving around the board and strategizing, trying to clumsily bluff Nancy and seeing her grin as she refused to be baited—he enjoyed it. He paused when he was on the last sip of his drink and checked his watch; it had been thirty-five minutes.

"Good," she said, and smiled at him. "Do you feel like you're about to come out of your skin?"

He shook his head, licking his lips. "But I have a pretty nice start to a buzz, and I'd like to keep going," he told her. "If that's okay."

"Sure. Another screwdriver?" Nancy picked up her drink and finished it off before standing.

"Yeah."

"And no peeking at my cards!"

He was tempted to peek, but when he heard her in the kitchen fumbling around in the cabinets, he decided to investigate. She had pulled out their tall glass blender and was rinsing it out.

"Hey. What's up?"

"I started thinking about a peach daiquiri." She smiled at him, then pulled a paper towel off the roll to dry off the blades.

"Here." He found the bag of frozen peaches in the freezer and brought them over to her, then wrapped his arms around her from behind, kissing the crown of her head. "I love you, Nan."

"I love you too," she murmured, and giggled when he kissed the top of her shoulder, then the side of her neck. He gently breathed on her ear, and she shuddered against him. "Ned," she breathed.

"Mmm-hmm." He kissed the other side of her neck.

She poured the peaches into a bowl and put them in the microwave for a few seconds to defrost, then turned around in his arms as the appliance hummed to itself. "Still feeling okay?"

He nodded, gazing into her eyes. "And a lot better, with a beautiful woman in my arms."

She grinned at him. "You really must have a shit hand. What, are all your cards weapons?"

"Don't you just wish," he murmured, leaning forward to nip at her neck, and she ran her fingers through his hair, releasing a sigh. His hand crept up and cupped over her breast, and she wriggled her hips against his as the microwave pinged.

"Let me just finish this..."

"Mmm. We should make this interesting. Strip Clue."

"Strip Clue?" She raised her eyebrow as she glanced over her shoulder at him, the bowl poised over the rim of the blender's pitcher.

"Every round, we have to guess. The number of guesses that are wrong equals a piece of clothing that has to be removed."

"It'd make a better drinking game," she said. "I mean, unless your goal is to have us naked and fucking within one set of turns."

Ned shrugged. "That definitely sounds like a win-win."

She chuckled, then added a little orange juice to the blender before turning it on. "Mmm-hmm. I'm sure it does, handsome. And I can also totally see you guessing cards that are already in your hand just so you'll have to get naked..."

"Again. Win-win."

They cut up the orange to garnish their drinks, then took them back into the living room. During the next turn, Ned leaned forward to give Nancy a kiss on the cheek and then, not so subtly, tried to glance at her cards; she giggled and pushed him away, and Ned retreated with a dramatic sigh.

"God. This drink is too good," she murmured on her next sip. "Just sweet enough, and the raspberry liquor... mmm."

"Can I have a taste?"

She nodded and reached for her drink, but he leaned forward and caught her chin, slanting his mouth over hers, sliding his tongue into her mouth. The drink had left her tongue cold, and Nancy had tensed at the surprise, but soon she was melting into his kiss, returning it. The rum and raspberry and peach tasted sweet against the sour-sweet tang of the screwdriver he was drinking.

"Mmm," she murmured, her lashes fluttering up as she looked into his eyes afterward. "You know, I thought the drink was making me cold... but I feel awfully warm now."

"Me too, gorgeous."

He relaxed; he wasn't focused so much on how fast he was drinking and whether Nancy was upset about it. She seemed happy, and when he hooked his fingers in her belt loops and pulled her hips toward him, working on opening her fly as a "favor," she shook her head but blushed a little as she let him take her pants off. Her panties were sheer pink mesh embellished with black lace, the sides pairs of slender black-satin straps, and the sight of it made him half-hard.

"You know what we haven't played in forever? Twister."

Nancy chuckled as she began to sort the cards back into their stacks, her first guess having proven correct. "We don't even _have_ Twister."

Ned shook his fist at the sky. "This is the future; why do we not yet have one-hour delivery?" he declared, staring fiercely at the ceiling. "This mild inconvenience will not be tolerated!"

Nancy laughed, picking up her drink. Her water glass was empty, and she swallowed the last sip of her daiquiri with a soft groan of pleasure. When she opened her eyes again, Ned was gazing at her, and from the slight flush that rose in her cheeks, he knew that he must have that smoldering look on his face, the one that she had told him was enough to make her wet all by itself.

He picked up his glass and finished off the last sip of orange juice and vodka. "Truth or dare," he suggested, his voice low.

For a few seconds he thought she was going to object—and, given their history, he would have understood. "Let me get us a refill first."

"If you make me a daiquiri, can I have another drink after that?"

She bit her lip, then nodded. "Okay. Still feeling okay?"

"I'm feeling _great_ ," he told her, and rose to follow her into the kitchen. "And horny as hell. I want to bend you over the table and shove those tiny panties down..."

She gave him a small smile. "Not yet," she told him.

"And I bet your bra matches those panties, too. God, you look so sexy, baby."

She mixed the rum and blended peaches and juice, pouring it into tall glasses, then topping each with a generous swirl of raspberry liquor. "Didn't you say you were hot too?" she asked him.

"Mmm-hmm."

She sauntered over to him with their glasses, placed them on the table, then moved directly in front of him. She locked her blue-eyed gaze to his as she reached for his fly and began to unfasten it. "You really want to play truth or dare with me?"

"You bet I do, beautiful."

She began to work his pants down, then closed the space between them, pressing her breasts against his chest before she slowly squatted, rubbing her breasts against his front, drawing his pants down his legs. He lifted each foot to help her remove them, and when his legs were bare she ran her fingertips up, over his knees and thighs, up to the saddle of flesh at his waist, tracing dangerously close to his erection. She tipped forward, nuzzling against the base of his cock and his balls through the fabric of his boxers, and Ned gripped the table behind him, bringing his other hand down to cup the back of her head.

"We don't fuck in the kitchen enough," she murmured against his groin, and he felt the heat of her breath against his shaft; it made him shudder. "With you sitting on a kitchen chair, spanking my ass red while I ride that hard, hot cock..."

"And fingering that hot ass while you do," he growled. "Burying my face against your gorgeous tits. Mmm."

"God," she whispered. "I want to suck your cock, baby. I want you groaning and tugging on my hair and telling me how much you like fucking my sweet little mouth while I do it. I want to give you everything you've ever wanted."

Ned felt his blood sizzling, a warm happy flush spreading in his chest as she slowly began to rise, kissing the area around his belly button, licking his skin. He grabbed the back of her shirt and began to pull it up; she wore a tank top under the gauzy top, and she obediently raised her arms as he pulled her overshirt off. Her head was under his shirt as she licked his nipples, one of her legs sliding between his, and his hips jolted against the table again. She slid one hand under the waistband of his boxers, gently raking her nails over the curve of his ass, and Ned groaned loudly. In retaliation he grabbed her ass, squeezing hard, urging her forward so her thigh was in contact with his erection. She gasped and gently bit his nipple, and Ned hooked her thumb in the band of her panties, pulling them down at the back, brushing his fingertip just over the dip that marked the entrance of her sex, and found the slick proof of her arousal there.

"Ned," she moaned, and when she slipped her hand between his legs from behind to fondle his balls, his hips jolted with such force that the glasses rattled.

That seemed to bring them both back to reality, and slowly they untangled. Her face was flushed, her hair mussed, when she appeared from beneath his shirt, and he adjusted his boxers as she pulled her panties back up. He felt uncomfortably aroused, and the thought of her getting on her knees in front of him was enough to renew his full erection.

They took their drinks to the couch again, and by then, a movie had started that they were actually interested in watching. Ned sprawled on the couch, his head against the cushion, and he gestured for Nancy to lie down on top of him; he kept his hand between her legs, gently stroking the lace crotch of her panties, and by the time they finished their daiquiris, she was gently grinding against him.

"You hot for me, baby?" he murmured, his breath ruffling her hair as he traced his fingertips gently over the lace that covered her clit. She released a low breathy moan, cupping her hand over his to keep it there, to make him keep stroking her.

"Yes," she sighed. "Oh my God, yes."

"And you aren't mad at me?"

"No. No, honey. You... it's fun, to be with you like this. It feels nice. It feels like it used to."

He nodded, tracing his fingertips a little more firmly down the slit of her sex, and she drew her knee up, gasping a little as he drummed his fingertips against the cloth covering her opening. "I love you," he murmured, kissing her temple.

"I love you," she moaned, hooking her leg over the back of the couch, and he cupped her breast as she ground against him.

"Truth or dare?"

"Long as it involves fucking," she moaned, and gasped when he managed to push the cup of her bra down enough to fondle her nipple through her tank top. "God, _yes_ ," she groaned as he drew the tip of his thumb against the hardening flesh.

"One more drink," he said. "Just one. Just one, baby. Are you okay with that?"

She nodded dreamily, and then she pushed herself up, reaching up behind her. She unfastened her bra and then pulled the straps down her arms without taking her shirt off, and he saw that it did match her panties as she tossed it to the floor; her nipples were erect under the thin fabric, her face flushed, and to him she had never looked sexier—not until she reached up to tug her ponytail ring out of her hair and tossed her hair out, leaving it loose and tousled as it framed her face.

"Fuck," Ned muttered, grasping her around the waist and pulling her to him. Her mouth was hot against his, and sweet, and her tongue danced against his; she moaned and straddled him and when she ground against him, he smacked her ass, grabbed a handful of her shirt and pulled it tight against her breasts. "Holy fuck, baby..."

She kissed him hard again, then reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it up. He obediently lifted his arms, and when she was pulling it over his head he ducked forward and gently bit one of her nipples through her shirt, and she shuddered. "Bad," she chastised him, and smacked his biceps.

"Mmm. I _am_ a bad boy," he murmured, nuzzling against her breasts. "One more drink and you can punish me all you want, sexy girl."

"By touching myself for you?" she asked, an eyebrow raised. She ran her fingers through his hair. "Tying you down and sitting just over your face, working my fingers in and out of my pussy while I stroke my clit, so close you can smell me, practically _taste_ me... and coming an inch away from you with only your breath touching me?"

"That sounded like a dare," he murmured, and grasped her hip.

She had a mona-lisa smile as she slid off the couch and pulled herself to her feet, grabbing their empty glasses and sauntering to the kitchen, and he followed, staring at the sheer back of her panties, the full view he had of her pert ass. She asked what he wanted, and when he requested a single shot of rum, she paused, then poured it for him; he snaked his hand under her shirt and caressed her breast as she did, and she groaned and leaned back against him, rubbing against him.

"Yeah," Ned groaned, and yanked her shirt up, throwing it onto the kitchen floor as he held her to him, her back to his front, cupping her breasts. She groaned loudly as he pressed her hips against the countertop and rubbed his erection against her; she shuddered when he kissed the side of her neck. "So fucking good, baby. Mmm..."

She let out a squeak and shifted her hips a little. "Sorry—drawer pull..."

"Mmm. Bet it was right against that sweet little clit," he growled into her ear, and she reached up, looping her arm around his neck. She slid her other hand into her panties, then brought it up, and he obediently licked the slick arousal off her fingertip—and groaned at the familiar musky taste.

He released her only to take his shot of rum, neat with no chaser, and he was pleasantly happy, loose and relaxed and so incredibly fucking turned on. She poured her own shot and coughed when she took it, and when she turned, he picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him.

"Truth," she murmured.

He blinked for a second, then looked her straight in the eyes. "I'm nothing without you," he told her, and there was no accusation or anger or fear in his voice. "If you had told me that this was over... if you had moved on, I would have wanted to go buy a gun and put it in my mouth."

Nancy's eyes filled with tears, and she shook her head. "Ned," she whispered.

"I don't know if it would ever have gotten that far... but knowing that I would never have this, and _you_... and all that you mean to me, ever again, would have destroyed me."

She stroked his cheek. "You mean everything to me too," she whispered. "Ned... are you okay? Are you going to be able to stop?"

He nodded. "That was it, baby. I'm okay." He gave her a broad grin. "I'm okay... I'm gonna be okay, Nan."

She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, and she giggled against his neck. "Please be okay," she whispered.

"Dare."

His heart started beating harder when she pulled back. "Tell me exactly what you want to do tonight," she told him. "Anything, baby. I will give you anything I can."

He searched her eyes for a moment, then began to carry her to the stairs. "Just between us?"

"Of course."

His heartbeat, his internal temperature, rose a little more. "Promise?"

She nodded, stroking her fingers through his hair. "Yeah, honey."

He waited until they were in their bedroom, the door closed behind them, and then looked at her lips instead of her eyes. "That thing you did with me," he murmured. "The thing you told me you wouldn't tell Sol about... can we do it again?"

She touched his cheek, then leaned forward to press her lips against his ear. "When I fingered your ass and let you come in my mouth?"

He nodded slowly. "Or... more..."

"The plug?" she whispered, stroking the back of his neck. "Sure, baby. Whatever you want, we'll try. You just have to tell me if it hurts."

He nodded, and he couldn't believe how fucking hard he was as she went to their drawer and came back with condoms, lube, and the small plug he had bought to use with her during their first time trying out anal toys. It was smooth and nowhere near as intimidating as their other ones, the ones he had used with her, working inside her tight asshole before he fucked her hard.

"I get so hard just thinking about this," he whispered, and she looked up at him. "But I couldn't..."

She gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I made you feel self-conscious about it. I wish I hadn't. I should have just kept my mouth shut..."

He picked up the toy, exploring it with his fingers; it was small in comparison, but when he imagined it inside him, it still seemed big. He remembered working it inside her, hearing her grunt and pant as she took it...

"We were different then," he said quietly.

She nodded. "Yeah. We were. And I want to make this good for you."

She pulled his boxers off and gestured for him to stand at the edge of the bed, then bent him over so his feet were on the floor and his elbows were propped on the bed. He had had sex with her in this position many, many times—but she had been the one bent over, supplicant, and he had been the one in control. He flushed, but his cock bobbed as she caressed the curve of his ass, stroking it a few times before she gently began to run her fingertips up and down his crack.

She took her time, sliding a condom over her fingers and lubing them before she began to tease the outside of his asshole, rimming it before she barely moved a fingertip inside him. He groaned, grasping his cock in his fist, focusing on the sensation of it, holding onto his buzz.

"Nan, can you talk to me?" His voice was shaking softly.

"Yeah. It's okay, Ned. I know it feels good, and it's okay. I think you're an incredibly handsome, sexy man, strong and powerful and you make me wetter than hell. You'll feel a little bit of pressure..." He let out his breath in a long sigh. "A little bit, and then when I touch your prostate, and that's... mmm, right _here_..."

He groaned, his hips trembling. "Fuck," he hissed.

"Yeah. You like that? You want to fuck my mouth, baby?"

"Yeah," he groaned. "The—the plug?"

"You want it? It's going to take a little while..."

"I want to try."

He slumped onto the bed, feeling incredibly vulnerable as she slipped her fingers out of him, and he heard her opening the lube and another condom wrapper. She hummed to herself a little, and Ned's back arched when she began to finger him again, in slow, gentle, even thrusts. He squeezed his cock, gritting his teeth.

"Ready?"

"Yeah," he murmured, closing his eyes, and she slipped her fingers out of him—and immediately he felt the tip of the toy against his asshole. She didn't work it inside him right away, and he pressed his forehead against the comforter, releasing a stuttering cry when he felt it penetrate him a little.

"Oh my _God_ ," he breathed, and she reached around to stroke his cock as she gently worked the toy into his tight asshole. He groaned, his hips jolting, and together they stroked his rock-hard cock.

"You still want to fuck my mouth, baby?"

"Mmm. If we don't stop I'm going to be fucking the comforter," he muttered, and he shuddered when her fingertips touched his balls. "Oh, oh holy _shit_... _Nan!_ "

"There?" she murmured, and worked the toy against him, and he cried out. "More?"

"Y-yeah," he forced out, and she worked it a little deeper inside him. "Fuck fuck oh _God_..."

She kept going, and when he grunted at the soreness, she stopped and pulled back a little. "There? Want me to keep it there, or take it out?"

"There," he grunted. "Get your mouth on my cock _right now_..."

She moved around him to kneel at his feet, not even on the bed, and he buried his fingers in her loose hair, guiding his cock in her mouth as she obediently parted her lips. When she moved the toy, even slightly, his hips jolted and she sucked his cock, swirling her tongue around him, and the head of his cock bumped against her soft palate and he groaned, fucking her mouth as she held the toy in his asshole.

He didn't last long; he couldn't. The sensation of being penetrated, even so shallowly, was incredible, and seeing her kneeling at his feet, her blue eyes wide and her tongue wicked as it flicked against him—he cried out as he came, spending himself in her mouth, his fingers tight in her hair. She made a soft noise against his penis and he forced himself to release her, groaning as she moved back. She coughed and slid the butt plug out of him, and Ned collapsed to the bed on his stomach, his cock wet with her saliva, his asshole aching slightly. He felt the mattress dip as she pushed herself to her feet, and then heard her spitting into the sink before she ran water and washed her mouth out.

He was still sprawled naked on the bed when she returned. "Oh my God," he groaned against the comforter, then turned his head a little. "I... I needed to get drunk to do that."

"I understand," she said softly. She wore only her panties, and she sat down beside him on the bed, stroking his shoulder blades. "Did it feel good?"

"Yeah," he sighed, and closed his eyes. "And you're okay?"

"Yeah. I get it... I mean, it's nice when you finger my ass. It feels dirty and hot and you get off on it, and feeling that stimulation in both places? I understand."

"And you don't think I'm—less of a man. For liking what we just did."

"No. Of course not. God, no." She stroked his hair. "Look at me, okay?"

He opened his eyes, and she tugged at his shoulder, gesturing for him to join her on the bed. "Look, I like when we—when you dominate me. When you spank me and bite me and order me around. It's something we do in bed and you would _never_ do that to me when we're not... being intimate with each other. The fact that you like assplay? I love that it makes you hot, that I can do that for you and with you." She smiled at him. "And when you're comfortable enough with it, we can even try it when you're not drunk."

He shrugged, his gaze dropping to her lips. "I don't know..."

She paused for a second, then swung her knee over his hips so she was straddling him, and leaned forward to press her lips against his ear. "I know it's easier to be honest when we're drunk," she said softly, and nipped at his ear. "But whether we're drunk or sober, the truth doesn't change. And you want to know the truth?"

"Yeah," he said softly.

"I was afraid of everything you said," she whispered. "That you would just keep drinking; that you would want to try coke again, that you would be bored with me..." She sighed. "Do you?"

"Do I what?" He moved to look into her eyes.

"Want to try coke again? Right now?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Never? You've never felt that way?"

He considered. He knew what the right answer was, but it wasn't the truth. "You won't get mad at me?"

She shook her head slowly. "I won't get mad."

"A few times," he said softly. "At the party, when we saw it. A couple of other times. You don't understand—it was like me, but _better_. I had so much energy. I was focused and nothing could hurt me, for as long as I was high." He shook his head. "And I..."

She cupped his cheek. Her eyes were swimming. "And what?"

"And one time a girl offered to fuck me when she had coke in her pussy, and I can't even imagine how that would have been..."

A pair of tears slipped down her cheeks, and Ned gently brushed them away. "I can't even imagine how that would be with _you_ ," he told her. "My sexy Energizer bunny. We could fuck for _hours_."

She shook her head. "I can't do that for you."

"And I'll never ask you to. I'll never do coke again. Maybe I _felt_ incredible—but when I came down, nothing was easier, nothing was better, and you were hurt and sad..." He sighed. "It was stupid. And if I could take it back, I would. I would take back so much..."

" _She_ offered it." Ned didn't have to ask who she meant. "Didn't she."

"Yeah," Ned sighed. "And I didn't take her up on her offer."

Nancy sniffled. "I can't be that girl for you," she whispered. "And that's what you want..."

"Hey," he said, and hooked his finger under her chin, making her meet his eyes. Hers were still shining with welling tears. "You know what I want? I want _you_. My beautiful sweet wife who can host a dinner party and be confident around anyone. The dirty girl who trusts me to fulfill almost all of her naughty sexual fantasies. The woman I've loved for almost half my life now, who knows me better than anyone else, and who trusted me enough to take me back when she had a million reasons to walk away from me forever. What's between us, Nan? It's a thousand times more exciting and amazing than a terrible one-night stand, and why would I pay some call girl three grand to spend the night with me when I have a gorgeous sexy woman at home who promised me the rest of her _life_?"

She sniffled. "So you don't want anything else," she whispered. "Anyone else."

Ned shook his head. "I want you," he said. "I want to make babies with you, Nan. I want to go to sleep beside you every night and wake up with you every morning, and I want you to know that I cherish you, that you're everything I've ever wanted. You make me a better person, when I show you how much I love you, when I'm a good husband. And all the love I pour out on you, it comes back to me triplefold."

She smiled and gently stroked his cheeks. "I do love you," she whispered. "And when I'm happy and safe and... and when you're here with me, it's like everything is right.

"Are you sure? You're not just saying that you don't want another drink?"

She searched his eyes, and he leaned forward and kissed her. "I'm sure," he said against her lips. "I love having this feeling with you. And I'll be careful. I promise you."

She ran her fingers through his hair, and gasped, her lashes fluttering down, when he cupped her breast, running his thumb back and forth against her nipple. "I'm glad," she whispered. "I'm so glad."

"Now," he whispered, drawing her up onto her knees so her breasts were on level with his mouth, and he sucked one into his mouth to tease it with his tongue and teeth. "Now I've tasted your sweet pussy and I've touched it through those hot, sexy little panties... how about you open those gorgeous legs and let me fuck it, just the way you've imagined, just the way that will make you scream in pleasure."

She moaned, drawing her fingers through his hair again. "I've been dying for you," she sighed. "Oh my God..."

He grasped her hips and flipped her so she was on her back on their bed, and he kissed his way down from her breastbone, slipping his finger under the band of her panties and curving it between the lips of her sex so he could stroke her clit. She arched her spine, mewling at the pleasure, and he suckled and gently bit her nipples, licked and nuzzled his way over her flat belly, still stroking her clit until her hips rocked against his touch. He still wasn't fully recovered from their earlier lovemaking, so he slipped his knee up between her legs and peeled her panties down to expose her clit, rubbing his thumb against it as she ground herself against his knee and he kissed her. She didn't stop moving; she shuddered, bucked, arched, and sometimes she whimpered or gasped, always touching him, stroking him, trying to draw him closer.

"Fuck me," she gasped against his lips. "Oh God, fuck me, baby..."

She cried out as he moved his finger to brush against the hollow of her sex, then worked it inside, and he groaned at the feel of her, sweet and wet and hot around him, clenching and releasing at the crest and fall of her arousal. He drew his finger out of her and brought it to her mouth, tracing her lips before she sucked his index finger into her mouth and licked it clean, and Ned slanted his mouth against hers as he moved over her.

"Mmm," he murmured, slipping his hand back between her legs, this time guiding two fingers inside her. "You taste delicious, baby."

She met his kiss, and under the tang her arousal had left against her tongue, he tasted the spearmint mouthwash she had used after sucking him off. "I love it when you make me taste my pussy," she whispered, and Ned groaned. "I love sucking your fingers like I want to suck your cock..."

"You like it, huh?" He breathed against her ear, pushing his hips against her spread thighs, and she shuddered.

"Yeah," she sighed, then arched sharply as he worked another finger inside her. "Oh _yeah_..."

"Mmm. I feel that tight hot pussy dripping wet around my fingers," he growled. "You want to spread those pussy lips wide so I can suck your pretty little clit?"

She moaned, and he felt her legs open wide. When he moved back and looked down at her, fully naked, her hands between her legs so she could spread her sex wide for him, he shuddered in anticipation of fucking her. The flushed-pink folds of her sex glistened with her arousal, and he could smell it on her.

He went to their drawer and she sighed loudly in anticipation. "Get back _over here_ ," she whined. The bedsprings were creaking slightly as she rocked her hips in anticipation.

"You're always welcome to start without me."

"Not on your life," she replied, and he chuckled. The egg vibrator wouldn't stay inside her unless he held it there—she was far too slippery and aroused—but he didn't plan on moving. He brought it over and positioned it at her entrance, then slipped it up inside her, and she moaned. When he turned on the vibration, holding it so it wouldn't slip out of her, she gasped and began to slowly circle her hips.

Licking her clit provoked a choked cry; sucking on it made her sob. He gradually increased the vibration and she fisted her fingers in his hair, her hips bucking up under him as he kept teasing her clit. He could feel the fine tremors across her hips as she became more and more aroused; her cries became louder, and when he glanced up he saw her plucking at her nipples, her head tipped back. "More," she begged, and when he bumped the speed control to maximum, she sucked in a startled breath and screamed, her hips jolting as he roughly suckled her clit again. He worked his fingers around the vibrator, its silicone surface already slick with her arousal, and began to work it in and out of her; she arched, tensing, and screamed, her hips actually coming up off the bed as he pushed it further inside her.

"Oh fuck oh _fuuuuuuck shit oh God_ ," she babbled, her hips jolting. " _Fuck oh holy FUCK! Ned..._ "

He pulled it out of her and pushed it firmly directly against her clit, and she screamed again, her hips writhing. He buried his face between her legs, against her sex, and lapped at the hollow between her thighs, tasting the tangy sweetness of her arousal, pooling in the tender creamy folds of her flesh.

He pushed himself up, his chin slick with her, and positioned himself over her; she was still bucking, gasping, the vibrator humming against her clit. "Stay still," he ordered her, and she was still sobbing, still crying out as she stilled her hips. He pressed the vibrator a little more firmly against her and a fine palsy seemed to pass over her, all the way down to her fingertips. She whipped her head back and forth, her breasts heaving as she gasped for breath.

He rubbed the vibrator against her clit, back and forth, as he began to slide into her, groaning at the feel of her slick heat against his cock. She cried out when he touched the very tip of the vibrator to her clit; she pinched her nipples, her legs spread wide, hips tilted up to give him a good angle as she accepted him. She was defenseless, completely open to him, her cheeks and chest flushed, her skin gleaming with sweat. Ned groaned as he worked his length into her, in gentle slow strokes, moving just a little deeper with each one, feeling her tense under him as he penetrated her.

Her hips were up off the bed.

He pulled out of her, then slicked his fingertips with her arousal before he worked inside her again, fondling her perineum at the same time. She let out a loud pleading cry, and he kept rubbing the vibrator against her clit as he slowly rimmed her tight asshole with his bare, slick fingers.

"Mmm," she moaned. "Oh fuck, oh holy _fuck_..."

"Tell me you want it," he growled.

"Yes," she sighed, still panting. "Oh yes. Fill me up, baby. Finger my asshole while you—oh _God_ , that feels so good..."

She squealed, her hips jolting, when he began to work his finger gently inside her ass. Her pussy clenched in a spasm against his cock, and Ned groaned, pushing more deeply inside her.

"Here. Use the vibe, baby," he told her, and she took it in her own hand, rubbing it against her clit as he fucked her and teased her asshole. "Oh yeah, you dirty girl. You know you like it."

" _Mmmmm_ ," she moaned, circling her hips. She began to dance the vibrator against her clit and her panting became faster, her cries louder. "Oh God oh _God ohhhhhh..._ "

"Oh yeah. Mmmm," he groaned, loving that he was seeing her tease her own clit. "That's right. God, you feel so fucking incredible, Nancy. So slick and tight..."

She angled her hips again, and when he thrust into her she screamed, her hips jolting as he fingered her ass at the same time. "Fuck _fuck yes yes yesssssssss don't stop_ —"

He worked in and out of her, fingering her ass with the same rhythm, and her screams became loud choked cries, so high they were almost silent; her slender gleaming body writhed and jolted underneath his, her breasts trembling with every thrust of his hips. Her inner flesh clenched tight against him, and Ned trembled, gritting his teeth at the effort it took to hold himself back. Her shoulders tensed and her scream was one of pleasure so intense it was almost pain, her brow knit and her fingers trembling, and Ned let out a hoarse cry as he spent himself in her, his pleasure just as exquisite in its pain as her own.

The relief he felt after his orgasm was incredible, and he was panting, his fingers trembling faintly. He didn't realize the vibrator was still on until he heard it suddenly click off, as she fumbled with the controls. He collapsed heavily to the bed, his fingers wet from touching her, and Nancy groaned as she pulled her legs back together.

"Holy shit," she whispered.

"Mmm. Yeah," Ned murmured, and it took him a few tries to push himself up. He thoroughly washed his hands, then splashed cold water on his face; the cloth he brought to her to wipe her thighs was warm and damp, and it wasn't often that he thought about what he was wiping away. Her arousal and his seed. Their lovemaking, and what could result in another pregnancy.

Not tonight, but now that he had shown her that he could drink responsibly... maybe soon.

She sighed as she cuddled up to him, naked in their bed. "Mmm," she murmured, her cheek against his shoulder, her knee slipped between his legs. The join of her thighs was open against his hip, and he knew that before the sun was up, they would be joined again. "Holy shit."

"Yeah," he murmured. He slid his arm around her and held her, and when their breathing had become regular and quiet, he realized that the soft laughter he could hear was the television downstairs.

"Mmm. Fuck it," he murmured. He was too exhausted to deal with it right now.

"Give it a little time to recover first," she mumbled, a smile in her voice, and she dissolved into giggles when he tickled her ribs in retaliation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter by killingstreak.

Nancy had slept so well for the first half of the night, Ned's arms wrapped around her, his breath against in her hair.

When she woke, for the first time in a long time, she actually felt _calm_. She slowly moved out of his embrace, pushing herself up to sitting. The moonlight illuminated strips of his face and she gazed at its chiseled lines. His jaw was lined with the creeping shadow of his stubble, and sometimes she woke in the night just to confirm that the man in bed with her was Ned, _her_ Ned. 

He was back, and she had been so terribly afraid. She hadn't dared to admit, not even to herself, what she would have done if he hadn't been able to stop himself during their little experiment. If that last drink hadn't truly been his last, if he had insisted on another and then another, that wild glint in his eyes she had witnessed all too often at frat parties and when they had been together in California... But of course, back when he had been at Emerson, it had been different. She was Nancy _Drew_ , and she had once been unshakable in her faith in him, been so sure that her Ned would never cheat on her, that the incredible infinite amount of love he had for her was true. Ned stirred in his sleep and she looked down, her knees hugged to her chest. 

Now that it was all over, she allowed herself to really think about it, about what they had risked and what they had gained. 

He loved her, and she loved him too, more than she could ever say. 

It had been so easy, to push their differences and arguments aside, to blame their fractured relationship on stress, on work, on just being _adults._ Once upon a time they had been so naïve, believing that their love was enough. In a way it had been—but after all the trust that had been damaged, all the disappointments, both of them had needed more.

Now it was different. He had _promised_ , and she had promised herself too, in the cold of the bathroom where she had sat, cold porcelain tiles pressed against her skin, bare and shivering. 

_Leaving is not the way out._

It was the easiest, but she had invested too much in this, and she had owed him to at least try. She couldn't deny that she was still a little worried that he might still slip, but after their little experiment, she was hopeful that he wouldn't lose control of himself again.

"Babe?" Ned mumbled when he didn't find her resting beside him. His dark eyes glinted as he raised his hand a few inches.

"Nothing," Nancy murmured as she slid back down, and Ned happily took her in his arms again.

"Mmhm, love you."

"Love you too," Nancy whispered, and she had to smile a little when she felt him brush against her thigh.

\--

"So how did it go?" Bess asked over lemonade. She and Nancy were meeting for a quick lunch a few days after. The people occupying the tables around them were mostly staring into, rapidly texting with, or speaking into cell phones; she and Bess seemed to be the only people actually holding a conversation that wasn't just muttered comments punctuated by various alert noises.

Nancy shrugged a little, strawberry blonde wisps of hair framing her face. She had been so unsure and upset when she had talked to Bess and George during Ned's business trip, and now she felt a little shy about actually telling Bess what had happened. Especially what had happened once they had gone to their bedroom.

"It went pretty well." Nancy nodded thoughtfully as she looked down at her water glass. "I was so afraid… but you know. It was okay."

Bess nodded encouragingly, a small smile on her face. "That's our Ned."

"Yeah."

Bess, reliably, brought up her weekend plans, and asked if Nancy had any vague, flimsy excuse to visit an upscale department store with her. Nancy admitted that Ned had invited her to an upcoming event, where she would be expected to dress well and be the arm candy she had been for Ned for so long. "But I have so many dresses I bought... before," Nancy hesitated.

Bess shook her head. "You mean last year's styles. Yay! Let's go... maybe Friday after work? We'll find something fabulous. Are we talking, like, a sit-down dinner, or...?"

Nancy shrugged, then smiled at the waiter when he delivered a small, already-sliced loaf of still-warm French bread. Bess pouted at it for a few seconds, and Nancy knew she was debating whether she wanted to break her diet, when she muttered something under her breath and reached for her butter knife.

"I don't know, actually," Nancy said. "It's apparently a... a new local businesses meet-and-greet kind of thing. Ned's pretty excited about it. He says it's a great opportunity to network and get in the front door with some impressive start-ups before anyone else can."

"Meet-and-greet. So, drinking, maybe some dancing?" Bess wiggled her eyebrows, lifting a buttered slice of French bread to her lips.

Nancy's stomach flipped. On some level she had known that any work event would likely involve drinking; they always had before, after all. But this would be the first time she and Ned would be attending one since—well, everything.

During their experiment, they had been at home alone together, and she had been controlling his intake. At the party, if someone goaded him on...

Seeing the anxiety on Nancy's face, Bess swallowed her bite of bread, then reached over and patted Nancy's hand. "Sorry. Didn't mean to... to bring it up."

Nancy shook her head and forced a small smile. "No, it's okay. It was going to happen sooner or later. I'm glad it'll be when I'm with him."

Back in her office, after she had cleared the three files on her desk and Gordon had helpfully offered to get her coffee on the way, she allowed herself time to ponder over her conversation with Bess.

Bess hadn't asked, and she hadn't brought it up herself, but now that Ned had proved that he could restrain himself and was beginning to be himself again, she had been thinking about trying to get pregnant again. 

Mike and Jan seemed to be documenting every hour, almost every moment of their daughter's life and posting the photographs to Facebook, marveling over every coo and sigh, declaring that their child was perfect, the most adorable one who had ever existed. Every time she saw it, Nancy's heart ached again. _Their_ baby, hers and Ned's, would have been truly perfect. Even when she had hated him with every ounce in her, even when she had contemplated ending that very life—oh, the irony that it hadn't even been her choice at the very end—she had dreamt about her child, wondering if he or she had blue eyes like hers or smoldering brown eyes like Ned. She had imagined tiny limbs and soft cheeks, the milky sweet scent of newborn skin, a _life_ held in her hands—

"Your coffee, Drew." 

Gordon interrupted her thoughts and Nancy blinked, hoping fervently that her eyes didn't appear glassy. "Thanks," she smiled, the warmth of the cup welcome in the cool of the office.

It was always going to haunt her that she had failed to save her first child. Even if she had others, her first _unborn_ , nameless and still, was always going to be a part that had been unfairly taken from her.

If she had a child, she was going to shower twice the amount of love on him or her to make up for that loss.

\--

When Ned texted at six-forty apologizing because a meeting had gone long, Nancy sighed and reheated last night's chicken to eat alone. She never had minded eating alone and she hadn't needed company to eat at the school's cafeteria, even though she and Bess and George had eaten together whenever they could. Even so, a wave of sadness overwhelmed her as she laid the plate on the table and sat down.

It wasn't like before, where she had taken her meals alone in that posh swanky huge apartment, then their beautifully-appointed house, in California. This was _home_ , back where they had built a life together, but without Ned it felt empty again. As she sliced off a bite of her chicken, she couldn't help wonder if he was truly at a meeting.

As quickly as the thought entered her mind, she pushed it out again, shaking her head. It was no use if she kept thinking like that and she was honestly through with it. He had asked her to trust him again, and she was doing no one any good by second-guessing and doubting him.

_That's what you told yourself back then, wasn't it? That Ned would never in a million years cheat—_

Her phone rang and she sighed, thankful for the interruption. 

"Hey Nan, I'm on my way back now. Want me to pick up anything?" Ned sounded chirpy over the line and she heard a woman's voice murmuring indistinctly in the background.

"Uh, no, it's okay. I've heated up the chicken. Are you still in the office?"

"Yeah, just about to leave," Ned replied. "Goodbye, Heather," he called, and Nancy heard the same woman's distant reply. 

_Of course Heather's with him._ _Well, you should have known better_ , Nancy chided herself. 

"See you in a little while," Nancy replied, realizing she had been holding her breath until his last words.

\--

Nancy checked her reflection in the mirror. She teetered a little on her heels—the bartender had been smooth and persuasive, and the new martini flavors had all sounded incredible—and squinted a little; the lights in the restroom were dim, low and golden, and the dark-paneled wall behind her faded into the background, making it look like she floated above the darkness in a halo of soft light. She smoothed a stray lock back into the sleek twist of her reddish-gold hair and pressed her lips together, then searched her tiny clutch for her lipstick to refresh it. 

Tonight was the night of Ned's work gathering, and Nancy had dressed carefully, making sure her lipstick and eye makeup looked smoky and sophisticated instead of garish and overdone. She had wanted to make sure Ned saw how important tonight was to her, since it was so important to him. All her preparations had paid off; she looked gorgeous and Ned had wasted no time in telling her that, the whole time trying to undress her with his eyes and his hands as she had playfully swatted him away. He looked absolutely hot in his tux, and she had done everything she could to stop herself from locking them in the bedroom and giving in to all the dirty things she was thinking of doing to him. 

She and Ned had each downed two drinks—maybe three, she wasn't totally sure—and while she had tried not to make it obvious, she had been keeping a close eye on Ned. She had nursed her first drink, though, and so had he; he was following her lead, and she was glad for it. She was still happily buzzing, but wary about letting her guard down just yet, and when she stepped out of the restroom the crowd seemed to have doubled and become even louder. The floor was a sea of cell phone camera flashes, glinting teeth and dresses, and sweating highball glasses in well-manicured hands. Many of the youngest people in the crowd were on Ned's staff in social media promotion, and they were taking selfies of themselves with many of the guests, making sure to livetweet the gathering on Twitter and post photos on Facebook. Ned's first photo of the evening had been with Nancy, both of them smiling; Ned had posted it to his own account, captioning the image "My beautiful wife & me, out on the town." Several people after that had taken photos with Ned, but that first one had warmed her heart.

When she finally located Ned again, her breath caught, and she felt a sudden flush rise in her cheeks.

Ned was deep in conversation with one of the other guests, this one with a body to die for, all ass in a tight black sheath dress, beautiful loose chestnut waves cascading down her back. Nancy couldn't see her face but she would bet her house that her makeup was perfect and she was drop dead gorgeous. And her hand was resting lightly on Ned's arm. 

The lady was blocking Nancy's view of Ned and she couldn't read his expression but oh, jealousy stabbed through her, hot and sharp. He was wearing his wedding ring and renewal ring, but from experience as Nancy smiled wryly to herself, the ring only served to entice them further. A highball glass, mostly ice and water, was in his right hand. She was absurdly glad that it hadn't been refilled in her absence.

"Nancy," a voice greeted her from her other side. Nancy blinked, turning to face Heather, forcing a smile. "You look absolutely gorgeous," Heather smiled warmly at her. 

Nancy shrugged a little as she tried to focus on the woman in front of her. "You look really good too," Nancy said, her smile becoming more genuine, glad to see a familiar face. She knew all of Ned's partners and their spouses but this was a get-to-know clients and prospective clients party, and a sea of unfamiliar faces surrounded them. She knew how important this gathering was to his young company. They needed to make an impression, and an event like this was great for mingling, impressing future clients, and even showing off a little. 

Nancy had attended so many charity, fundraiser, and gala events with her dad that she knew how to carry herself, and could practically do it in her sleep or with a quarter of her attention. She could easily hold a conversation, was well versed in enough areas to impress any conversational partner, and it didn't help that her last name was always uttered with a little more respect. That she was now a Nickerson didn't change much, especially with Ned proving to be so incredible at his job. She knew that some partners of his clients, when they found out whose wife she was, would always give her an assessing glance, measuring the woman who had landed such an attractive man. She was aware that the occasional haughty escort of a client could and probably had deemed her too "plain," who felt that Ned could do better.

And Carly had been like that, had hinted that she was much more _fun_ , had presented herself to Ned on a silver platter as the superior option—

The brunette laughed softly at what Ned said, and Nancy found herself narrowing her eyes a little, her hands clenching into fists. Ned had always been charming and while she knew he didn't mean to flirt, one too many ladies had mistaken his easy banter as flirting. Even then, he had been a gentleman and considerate toward Nancy, politely turning them down without embarrassing them. Today he looked devastatingly handsome and with a stab of jealousy, Nancy was slightly annoyed by that. She wanted him to only look good for _her_ , his smoking hot body and sharp intelligent eyes gazing into hers—

She shivered as she imagined how the night would go later. From the smoldering looks he had been shooting her since they had left their house, she'd be lucky if he let her wash up first before stripping her naked. And goddamn, she wanted him so badly too. He was listening intently to whatever the brunette was saying, nodding along with her, and Nancy remembered how so long ago, _she_ had been the center of attention at such gala balls, with officers and men of importance acknowledging her as _Ms. Drew, Carson Drew's daughter_. She shook her head to clear away the image. She wasn't really jealous of the attention he was receiving; how could she be, when she had wanted this for Ned as well? If anything, she was insanely proud of him, proud each time she mentioned her married name and the other party blinked in recognition. Ned was well-known in his circle and if she knew the industry well enough, his good looks had certainly helped cement his place.

Heather moved off with a murmured excuse about mingling with the other guests—Nancy had carried on a polite conversation with her, but could remember little of it now—and Nancy smoothed the crease at her hip before approaching Ned. As she caught the side profile of the brunette, Nancy had to admit that she really was pretty. Unlike Bess, Nancy seldom swooned over other women, wishing her legs looked like that, or her hair perfectly loosely curled like another celebrity. But after Carly, Nancy had subconsciously started measuring her appearance against that of others, and too often found it lacking. Sol had warned her against it, and Nancy had taken his advice to heart, but it was taking her a while to fully break the habit.

Ned saw Nancy as she approached and a small part of her was relieved when his eyes lit up, a tiny smile flirting with his lips. 

"Nan, this is Brittney Walczyk with Ronson Interactive," Ned introduced her as she felt his arm snake around her waist to pull her to his side. "Brittney, my wife, Nancy."

Because Nancy was looking for it, she noticed when the smile Brittney had on her face drooped a little, her body language stiff as she held out her hand.

"We were just talking about work. I was just telling Ned he's very good at what he does."

Nancy offered her a smile as she shook the other woman's hand. "Thank you. I am very proud of him too." 

"I hope I'll see you around." Brittney nodded to Ned pointedly before she moved away, and Nancy shook her head as soon as Brittney turned away. 

"What?" Ned asked, just as the DJ's set of peppy but unobtrusive background music ended and the live band band announced they were going to start off the night with a slow song. Nancy shook her head; she didn't want to start a fight, but she still felt annoyed and hated it.

"Care to dance?" His arm tightened around her, and Nancy sighed as she allowed him to lead her to the dance floor. 

"What was that for?"

"You know full well what," Nancy replied, narrowing her eyes a little. Her heels put her gaze almost on level with his, and Ned chuckled as he pressed a light kiss on her forehead.

"Calm down, baby. She's harmless." He pulled her close and she loved the feel of his large palms, warm against the bare skin of her back. She was definitely glad she had allowed Bess to convince her to get this smooth bare-back dress, which hugged and accentuated her every curve. 

"I know," she sighed, her eyelashes fluttering as his hands drifted dangerously low to rest at the top of her ass.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured, his breath warming her ear, and Nancy shivered. He was pulling her so close to him that she could feel her breasts pressing against the front of his tux. 

"You're not too bad yourself," Nancy smiled. She rested her head on his shoulder as they swayed, enjoying the feel of his arms around her. They hadn't danced like this in a while and she had missed the closeness. 

The band increased the tempo and when Ned attempted to move faster, she hooked his lower calf with her ankle, caging him in. She saw his eyes move down, and when he groaned softly she knew he was turned on by the side of her shapely leg peeking out from the high slit of her dress.

"This dress of yours," he breathed as he traced one finger down her spine, his head tilted down to graze her jawbone. They had slowly, subconsciously moved to the edge of the dance floor, and he didn't care who was watching. He had put in his time mingling and he hadn't held his wife like this in a long while, and the form-fitting dress she was wearing wasn't doing him any favors. 

"Mhm?" Nancy murmured, trembling a little as he moved up to nip at her ear. She pressed against him and smiled when she felt the familiar bulge between them. 

"Nan," Ned growled warningly as she rubbed against it subtly, her breath against his neck, her leg still hooked around his. "You're going to kill me."

"Really," Nancy smiled impishly as she pulled back, her gaze immediately falling below his navel. In his tight trousers, the bulge was very obvious, his dick straining against the fabric.

Ned looked down and groaned softly as Nancy moved back into his arms, laughing softly, her lashes low.

"I'm going to kill you," he murmured as Nancy tilted her hips to press against him again. The heels were hurting her feet but the extra height put their hips on the same level, and she loved it when he brushed against her. 

"Only if you fuck me first," Nancy breathed and Ned growled in response, his hands drifting down her ass to squeeze it slightly. 

The song ended and Nancy gazed into his face, a little amused as he tried his best to calm down. "Maybe you should go to the bathroom," Nancy pointed out, smiling a little as he shot her a glare, only for Heather to interrupt.

"I'm really sorry to interrupt but, well, Brittney was looking for you." Heather made a face and Nancy smiled. She really liked Heather. "Said something about Ronson wanting to use our firm for their next campaign. I told her that you might have left," she cocked her eyebrow, "and that she could come in on Monday because Daniella and the rest would definitely want to meet her too."

Ned cleared his throat and when Nancy slid an arm around his waist, he could swear she looked smug.

"I don't really like her," Heather admitted as she shrugged. "But maybe I just have a thing about despising smoking hot, clearly designing bombshells on sight."

"They all have a thing for you, don't they, baby," Nancy purred, and he could see that her eyes were dancing as she subtly stroked her fingertips over his ass.

Ned scowled at her, but Nancy smiled sweetly up at him before turning back to Heather.

"Uh… please help me convey my apologies and tell her I had to leave… To, uh, attend to something important that sprang up."

Heather looked at Ned and laughed. "It's a good thing she can't see you. You're my boss and I'm sorry, but you can be such a terrible liar."

When they were safely in the cab, Nancy cuddled up to Ned, and when Ned turned to look at her, his heart missed a beat. She was utterly gorgeous, her face lit by the occasional glow of the passing street lamps, but it was the love in her eyes, her look of complete adoration that he had come to take for granted that still took his breath away. She was his one and only love, and when they were this happy together, he remembered with bitterness how he had almost, and so foolishly, lost this forever.

She was the one, and he didn't want anyone else.

"Some _thing_ to attend to?" Nancy asked, one brow raised. 

He laughed as he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. "Some _one,_ " Ned corrected himself, and she beamed, crossing her legs so that the slit in her dress fell open. He knew the cab driver could see but he couldn't resist running his hand down the smooth line of her thigh, nuzzling against her neck.

She laughed quietly, trying weakly to fend him off. "Ned," she breathed, mock sternly, as he traced one cool finger up her thigh, straying dangerously close to the join of her legs. He moved away with a sigh, a small pout on his lips.

Two years ago he'd have been all over her, and he smirked a little, recalling how many times he had seen cab drivers flash warning looks at him. So many times they had been mistaken for two attractive people in the grips of a torrid, illicit affair, and back then they had just laughed it off. It had been impossible for him to imagine being with someone else, but if anything, the past year and a half had taught him otherwise.

He had been tired of all the shit she had been throwing at him, but he hadn't been on his best behavior either. The night before, when they had been lying in bed, drifting off to sleep, he had held her in his arms and promised her he would do whatever it took to make her happy. Her lashes had been low, her responses soft, before he had finished, and his heart had ached.

As he keyed into their house, a small part of him remembered how it had been. Perhaps a part of him would never forget.  Maybe it was better this way, a reminder to never stray again and the consequences he had come so close to experiencing. 

Nancy touched his hand and when he looked at her, he was startled to see her eyes shining too. "Never again," she whispered.

He nodded, pulling her in for a bear hug, and she squealed, startled. "I love you so much, babe," Ned murmured. With his arms around her, he was once again aware of how little the dress covered. Her breasts brushed against his chest and when he looked down, he saw her breasts rise and fall with her every breath.

She looked up at him and he kissed her, roughly pulling her hips to his, knocking her off-balance as his tongue fought hers. He pressed her against the door, rubbing the bulge of his crotch forcefully against the join of her thighs, and she moaned into his mouth, her hips circling in response, her hands grasping the fabric of his jacket. 

When they broke for air her hands immediately moved between them to touch him, and he moaned when she found his balls, massaging him through the stiff fabric of his trousers.

"How much do you want me," she purred, her lids low as one strap of her dress slipped down her shoulder, and fuck, she didn't even have to make any effort to be seductive. She was still fully clothed but he already found her sexy as hell, his eyes dropping to her collarbone and the top of her breasts. 

"What do you think," he smirked as he leaned in to kiss the graceful white column of her throat. She arched, her breasts pushed out further as her dress proceeded to slide an inch further down.

He had just pulled back with the full intention of getting that dress off her when his phone rang. He cursed, shaking his head in disgust.

"I'm so sorry, babe," Ned murmured, immediately angry at whoever had just interrupted them as he pulled out his phone. 

"It's okay." She shook her head and he groaned in disappointment as she tugged the strap back in place, her breasts hidden from view again. 

"Ned Nickerson," Ned answered, a slightly hard edge to his voice, and he was surprised when a soft female voice replied. He had been so captivated by the sight of Nancy that he hadn't bothered to check the caller ID before answering.

"Hi Ned. This is _Brittney._ "

Her voice was pure honey and Ned closed his eyes in frustration. He was fed up with girls throwing themselves at him. He had acquaintances that were all too happy to brag about their latest sexual conquests, who would always shake their heads when they realized Ned was a one-woman kind of man, but the thought of sleeping with a different woman every night never had appealed to him. He found the thought empty, if not almost revolting. 

"Hi Brittney." Ned sighed and didn't miss the way Nancy's eyebrows shot up. Oh, he had loved seeing his girl jealous when another woman paid attention to him, but things were different now, after Carly. Before, she had had no real reason to doubt him. Now, his reputation was no defense anymore.

"I'm sorry I left early. I had to attend to some other urgent matters," Ned fibbed, and was relieved to see Nancy smile a little. She pushed herself off the door and he watched as she reached behind her to loosen the knot her hair was in, causing it to cascade down. She leaned in for a kiss and he obliged, wrapping an arm around her waist to tell her he still very much wanted her. She smirked, moving away from his embrace before he could take it any further.

"What could possibly be so urgent?" Brittney asked, and Ned could swear he could hear her pouting over the phone.

When Nancy deftly undid his belt buckle, Ned had to stifle his groan. He knew where this was leading and he was getting incredibly aroused; the drinks and Nancy's outfit had already made it nearly impossible to focus on whatever the woman on the phone was saying.

"It's a personal matter. Could I ask... why you're calling so late?" Damn, Nancy had just pulled down his trousers and underwear in one swift motion.

"Do you want me to suck you off," Nancy purred as she stood on her knees, her eyes wide and mock-innocent as she gently palmed him.

"I thought you were interested in working with me, with our company—"

Nancy licked the tip of his cock and Ned shuddered as he squeezed his eyes shut. He needed to sit down. No, he needed to put the damn phone down and then fuck the living daylights out of his gorgeous wife.

Nancy swirled her tongue expertly around his cock before taking as much as she could into her mouth, and a strangled groan escaped Ned. Fuck, she knew exactly what he liked.

"I'd love to work with your company," Ned stressed, his words tumbling over themselves in his haste as Nancy started to fuck him with her mouth, her hands fondling the base of his cock and his balls. "But please make an appointment with Ms. Martin so we can meet on Monday."

Nancy's hand crept up to cup his ass, and he jerked when she traced his ass crack, teasing light, her finger slick with her saliva. 

"I have to go, I'm sorry," Ned forced out before immediately ending the call and throwing the phone vaguely in the direction of the armchair.

"Fuck, Nan," he groaned as Nancy pulled back with an audible pop of released suction, grinning wickedly at him. Her hair was tousled and her chin was wet, but he thought she looked like the sexiest woman on earth.

"So, Brittney, huh." Nancy cocked her head to one side as she pumped his shaft a few times, his cock already rock-hard.

"I don't care about her. I fucking want _you_ ," Ned growled as he pulled her to her feet. Nancy laughed, her dress slipping down one shoulder again. How she had managed not to suffer a wardrobe malfunction at the gathering earlier that evening, Ned did not know. 

"Or you want to fuck me?" Nancy suggested, one eyebrow raised as a leg peeked out seductively from under her dress. 

"I want to fuck you against the door with that leg wrapped around my waist," Ned growled. Nancy moaned as he picked her up easily and pinned her against the door. 

"Are you wet, baby," Ned asked, and Nancy groaned in answer, her back arched as she gripped onto the door handle and jamb for support. 

He pushed her dress up and twisted it until the slit left her exposed, and he grinned appreciatively as he saw her barely-there black lace thong. He pushed it aside and murmured happily when he brushed her clit and found her wet. Even then, he rubbed that sensitive nub of flesh for good measure, and when Nancy arched again, her mouth dropping open and her hips undulating, he chuckled.

He guided his cock to her entrance and she whimpered as he teased her with shallow strokes, before pulling out and rubbing against her clit. 

"Fuck, Ned," Nancy cried out, frustrated, as she tightened her legs around his waist, trying to bring him closer. 

In one brutal thrust he penetrated her fully and Nancy cried out, her eyes squeezed shut as he gripped her hips and thrust again and again, stretching her out. 

" _Fuck_." She threw her head back as Ned cupped her ass and carried away from the door to lean against the back of the couch, the angle of him shifting as gravity buried him even deeper inside her. 

"Fuck, fuck _fuck._ " She sobbed as she buried her face against his neck, as Ned grunted in exertion as he rutted against her, before arching his back to push even deeper into her. She groaned, her fingernails clawing against his back as she struggled to reach her release.

"Let me fuck you," she groaned, and Ned nodded as he released her. He took off his shirt and when she reached to unzip her dress, Ned caught her hand.

"Leave it on," he requested. Nancy nodded, swallowing, her throat dry as she perched over him. He held up the fabric in his hand as he watched Nancy move the head of his cock to her entrance before taking him in one swift motion, her eyes locked to his. 

There was fucking and then there was love making. This was utterly sensual to him and while he wouldn't dismiss all the other times where they had fucked like rabbits, he loved it too when they made love.

"Nan." He breathed her name as his thumb rubbed against her hipbone, the soft silky fabric cool to the touch. She shrugged the other strap down and her dress slipped to expose half of her breasts, and she smiled when she noticed how his gaze immediately went to them.

"Touch me," she whispered as she moved against his cock in a slow clockwise thrust.

He nodded as he fondled her breasts, her pale skin milky-white and so soft. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and ducked his head in to suckle against one nipple and she moaned, her inner flesh clenching against him. His tongue swirled against her nipples as he touched her roughly, and in response she moved against him faster, her hips angled to rub herself against the rough hair at the base of his shaft. 

His hand snaked under the smooth fabric of her dress and thong, and her breath caught when he caught the nub of her clit between his thumb and index finger and rubbed it hard, circling it.

"Please," Nancy gasped, her eyes closed as one hand closed over his to guide him as she leaned back for a better position. She was thrusting against him hard now and when he tugged at her dress, she obliged, raising her hands for him to remove it in one swift movement. 

Her breasts trembled at her exertion and her mouth hung open as she ground against his cock. He loved it when she took control and showed him how much she wanted it.

"Do you want me to fuck you," Ned growled and Nancy nodded, her hand rubbing her clit furiously as Ned gripped her hips in position and fucked her ruthlessly. 

"Come," he panted as her lips parted in a silent scream before he felt her clench hard against him. He forcefully thrust himself inside her a few more times as she fought him, her every sense tingling as her orgasm washed over her. She choked when she felt him release deep inside her, filling her up. He roughly pushed her knees up and the sudden change to a squatting position caused him to brush against her G-spot, and she cried out as another wave crashed over her, her body trembling from the aftershocks. He held her as she shuddered against his chest, her breasts damp with sweat, her breaths coming in pants as she clenched weakly against him, her sex throbbing.

He pressed a kiss against her forehead and she closed her eyes, feeling his seed trickle out of her.

Maybe she would tell him tomorrow that she was ready to try for another baby.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 by littlemsmessy (and a bit by ndnickerson).

Nancy ruefully looked down at her skinned palms and the large, purplish-black bruises blooming on her forearms before gingerly running her fingertips over her jean-clad hip, wincing when she found a tender spot.  Well, it was her own damn fault– if she hadn't been so lost in thought, then she wouldn't have been caught tailing the guy and he wouldn't have grabbed her by the arms and thrown her aside just before making his escape. Her hip had bounced against the corner of his desk, and she'd landed hard on the scratchy rug, her palms breaking her fall.  

An employee of an electronics company was suspected of leaking secrets to a competitor, and Nancy had been assigned the investigation. She had been given permission by the owner to lurk in their headquarters in downtown Chicago after hours to try and catch the suspect in the act. After picking the locks on his desk's drawers, she'd been rifling through the contents, not taking her usual care to listen for signs that she wasn't alone. The door had burst open and the suspect had found her with her hand in his top drawer, incriminating evidence in her fist. 

Nancy had sensed his panic at being discovered as the leak and had briefly tried to reason with him, but to no avail: he'd grabbed the papers from her hand and pushed her away. She had tried to catch him as soon as she had been able to pick herself up off the rug, but it was no use – he'd had a decent head start and, according to the dossier her firm had put together, had been a track star in high school and college. 

"Shit," she now groaned, rubbing her back, which she'd twisted when she'd landed on the floor. At least she hadn't hit her head, she reminded herself, but she was going to be sore as hell tomorrow, she was sure of it. 

Slowly making her way from the lobby back to the suspect's office, Nancy settled into his desk chair. The one good thing was that she hadn't had _all_ of the damning papers in her hand when she'd been caught, and the suspect hadn't thought to check. She plucked the rest of the documents out of the top drawer and smiled with satisfaction as she reviewed the evidence that clearly showed the transfer of information between her client's company and their competitor. 

\--

When Nancy got home a few hours later, she was exhausted and in more than a little pain. She had filed her report with her boss, who had already notified the client about what she'd found, and had stopped at a fast food drive-through on the way home to pick up a salad.  

She wasn't surprised to find the house empty. Ned had already warned her that he would be working late at his office on a proposal for prospective client, and once he had soundly confirmed that it didn't have anything to do with that bitch Brittney who had come onto him at the party, Nancy didn't really mind.  

Looking down at the salad, she decided she wasn't really hungry. What she _did_ want was to soak in a bath—the hotter, the better. She trudged up the stairs and stripped off her clothes, wincing when she found a few more bruises forming on her thighs.  As the water ran, she downed a few aspirin and put her hair up in a messy bun. Once the tub was full, she climbed in and sighed as her body relaxed in the steamy water. 

 Nancy tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling. Tonight had been a near disaster, and it had all been because she was focused on something other than work. 

_How the hell was she going to ask her husband if he was ready to try again for a baby?_  

The topic had been on her mind since the night of Ned's work party a few weeks earlier, but she'd been too nervous to bring it up with him; every time she had attempted to talk to him about it, the words had gotten stuck in her throat.  It had been a long time since he'd mentioned wanting to have children with her, and Nancy was scared that he'd changed his mind. After all, things were good between them once again, and introducing a baby into the mix would definitely change the dynamic of their relationship. 

Also, despite the fact that their marriage _was_ a thousand times better than it had been the last time she'd been pregnant, Nancy couldn't help but think about what it had been like for her back then: they'd been living apart, both still angry and resentful about everything that had happened, and she'd never felt more alone. What if this pregnancy tore them apart again instead of bringing them closer together? The first time, she'd known that she hadn't wanted to raise a child on her own; this time, she was even more certain of that. But if Ned changed his mind about being ready once she was already pregnant…

Nancy idly flexed her toes, the tips skimming the surface of the hot water. _Maybe you're being too pessimistic_ , she told herself. _In the past, he made it clear to you and everyone that he wanted to have a family with you – maybe he feels that way again now._

_But maybe he's not ready,_ a little voice whispered. _He's just getting his business off of the ground and financially, we're doing better, but we're still not perfect. And when he works at home, maybe he doesn't want to be distracted by a crying baby._

Then there was the issue of childcare. Nancy knew that her mother-in-law and Hannah would probably fight over whose turn it was to watch the baby, but there would probably be times when she or Ned would have to suddenly take the child to the doctor because it had a fever, and Hannah or Edith wouldn't be available. If they were both working, it would mean that one of them would have to leave work and go to the pediatrician – if Ned were in a meeting or she had to be out in the field, it could cause an issue. 

Sighing, Nancy brushed a few tendrils of hair off her forehead.  During therapy, she and Ned had pledged to be honest with one another and talk about their feelings. In theory, it sounded good; in reality, it made Nancy nervous. The time she spent with their friends and their new babies made her actually physically long for a child of her own and she didn't know how much longer she could wait; she didn't know what she'd do or say if Ned wasn't ready now – or if he wouldn't ever be.

She heard the sound of the garage door opening one floor below and sighed again. The topic of babies had been weighing heavily on her mind for a while now, but she didn't know if she was up for starting the conversation tonight. It was hard, though, to keep it in. _See what kind of a mood he's in when he comes upstairs,_ she told herself. 

After a few minutes, Nancy heard Ned's footsteps in the hall down below and heard him call her name. 

"I'm up here, honey," she called out, glad she'd left the bathroom door open. "In the tub!"

The sound of his tread on the steps signaled his arrival; a moment later, he peeked his head inside the bathroom. "Hey, baby," Ned greeted her wearily. 

He looked exhausted, Nancy noted with sympathy. His eyes were ringed with dark circles, his hair was mussed as if he'd been running his hands through it in frustration, the knot of his tie was loosened, and his shirtsleeves were rolled up to his elbows. 

"Hey, honey. How was your day?"

"Tiring," he sighed, leaning against the doorjamb. "I sent off our proposal via email at around eight tonight, thinking I wouldn't hear from our prospective client until tomorrow morning, at least. 

"Of course, they called me within a half hour, just as Chris, Daniella, and I were getting ready to walk out the door. ' _Overall, we liked what you did, but we think we need a little more pizazz on the online ad piece. Can you send us a new approach for that within an hour or two?'"_ Ned made a face as he imitated the client's voice. 

"Since this client could generate a lot of revenue, I couldn't exactly say no. So that meant the three of us were sitting there, frantically coming up with new ideas just so we could get something out tonight." He shook his head, still clearly frustrated. 

 "I'm so sorry," Nancy sympathized. "That sucks. Did you hear back from them again?"

"All they did was send an email thanking us for getting the new proposal back to them so quickly and tell us we'd hear from them soon."   He toed off his shoes and socks, yanked off his tie, and began unbuttoning his shirt as he approached the tub, but suddenly stopped. "Nan, what the fuck happened to you?"

Nancy heard the edge in his voice and willed herself to stay calm. "Eh, suspect in my case caught me riffling his desk and freaked out. He pushed me away and I fell." She tried to make it sound casual, but the way Ned's eyes darkened, she knew he wasn't buying it.

"You're all bruised up!"

"I know, but it looks worse than it really is," she tried to reassure him. "I took a few aspirin and thought a good soak in the tub would help – which it is."

Ned looked down at her, scowling. "I wish your job wasn't so fucking dangerous."

She was starting to become irritated. "We've gone over this a thousand times. Every once in a while, I get hurt – it's not a big deal. Nothing's broken. I'll be sore for a few days, and it'll go away."

"It is a big deal, Nan," he snapped. "When you go to work unharmed and you come back looking like someone's fucking punching bag, it is a big deal."

"Ned, I am not having this argument with you for the thousandth time!" Nancy exclaimed, slapping her palms onto the surface of the now-cooling water and watching the water splash up. Her voice was trembling faintly with anger.

"And you think I enjoy having it?"

"I think you do!" she challenged. "I don't love getting hurt, but it happens sometimes. It comes with the territory."

"And what if the guy had been really pissed at you for going through his desk and had decided to beat the shit out of you, huh?" Ned's voice rose and an expression of fury crossed his face. "What if he broke your bones and beat you to a pulp?"

"It didn't happen, Ned! Stop trying to do the _what if_ thing! You need to let this go!"

"Fine, then let's talk about what actually happened. You went into a suspect's office and let yourself get caught, then you got hurt!"

Ned's point hit too close to home. Nancy knew that her mind hadn't been on her task at hand, which had led to her being found in the guy's office, but it pissed her off to hear him accuse her of being careless. "I _let_ myself get caught? You've worked on hundreds of cases with me, Ned – you know that these things happen sometimes, no matter how careful I am! Don't you turn this on me, asshole!" She angrily folded her arms across her bare chest. 

"That's nice," he retorted sardonically. "I'm worried about your safety, and you call me an asshole. Well, whenever we have to talk about how dangerous your job is, you become a real bitch and don't want to hear what I have to say."

"Because you say the same shit over and over again!" she shouted, throwing up her hands, glaring up at him. "You're like a fucking broken record." 

Ned's eyes blazed. "I'm not dealing with this shit anymore. I'm going to bed." He turned on his heel and strode out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. 

Once he was gone and she had calmed down a little, Nancy sat in the tub in stunned silence. She couldn't believe the way they'd just fought – it was like a bad rerun of how things had been between them in the past. Once he'd started up with her about her bruises, she'd immediately become defensive and angry, hurling nasty words at him without even thinking. 

She had started crying without even realizing it, because she could feel the tears rolling down her face. Nancy pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes, trying to staunch the flow, but she couldn't hold back, sobbing so loudly that the sound echoed against the tiles even when she tried to muffle herself. She was angry and disappointed with her husband, but at herself, too.  

Unsure of what to do next, she sat there for a while, still crying, in the now-cold water. She didn't want to have another argument with Ned, but she wasn't sure she could avoid it if he was still in the bedroom. The thought of going downstairs to sleep on the couch made her stomach turn. They had come so far, and to reverse like this just made her feel worse.

As she sat there, still deciding what to do, she heard a tentative knock at the bathroom door. "Nancy?" Ned called out quietly. 

"Yes?" she replied, sniffling. 

"Can you please come out of the bathroom? I think we should talk."

His apologetic tone caused a wave of relief to rise in her. She braced her hands on the edges of the tub, wincing slightly when her injured palms pressed against the cool tile, and moved herself to a standing position, which hurt like hell. "I'll be right out," she replied quietly. 

After pulling out the tub's stopper, Nancy went to the linen closet and pulled out a thick cotton towel, wrapping it securely around herself. She opened the bathroom door and padded over to the bed, where Ned was sitting on the edge of the mattress.

"Hey," he greeted her soberly. 

"Hey," she echoed, arms crossed around herself to ward off the chill as the water on her skin cooled. Her teeth began to chatter. 

"I know I said we needed to talk, but why don't you get dressed first? You look like you're freezing, babe."

Hearing the endearment on his lips made her feel even better, and she managed a slight smile as she went to the dresser and pulled out a lavender long-sleeved t-shirt and a matching pair of plaid sleep pants. When she was dressed in her pajamas, her hair towel-dried, she sat next to him on the bed. Ned tentatively reached for her hand and she allowed him to take it, already feeling warmer as his skin made contact with hers. 

"Nan, I am so sorry. I came home in a pissy mood because of work, and I took it out on you."

Her eyes welled up with tears again. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I know you were in a bad mood and I know that you were upset about seeing me injured, and I shouldn't have gotten defensive."

He pulled her closer to him, careful not to hurt her, and brushed his lips over the top of her head. "When I came back out here, all I could think of was how mad Sol would have been with us if he'd have witnessed that fight."

Nancy managed a watery laugh. "He would've told us to knock that shit off."

"We did everything wrong – we would've failed his test."

"I know I would have, for sure. Ned, I'm so sorry that I called you an asshole and that kept using those 'you' statements.  When you got angry, I should've tried to diffuse the situation instead of making it worse."

He gently rubbed her back. "And I'm sorry that I called you a bitch. I know you're incredible at your job and that things can happen that are outside of your control. I never should have blamed you for getting hurt."

His words caused a pang, because Nancy knew that she had been partially at fault for not being as vigilant as she should've been. "I know you were just worried about me."

"When I saw those bruises, I became furious, but not at you. I hated that someone did something like that to you; instead of saying it like that, I flipped out on you. And when things got heated, I should have just stopped the argument so we could talk like normal human beings, instead of yelling.  It turned into a stupid fight, when all I wanted to do was get into that tub and hold you and kiss those bruises."

She smiled, snuggling deeper into his shoulder. "That would have been nice." 

Ned kissed her temple. "God, what a shitty day." He exhaled loudly.

"It's getting better now," Nancy told him. "Did you have dinner?"

"Yeah, but it was some takeout pizza a few hours ago. I could eat something again."

"Of course you could." She giggled when his hand shot out to tickle her side, but quickly made an inadvertent sound of pain when he grazed her sore hip.

"Shit—I'm sorry." He immediately snatched his hand away. 

"Not your fault, honey."

"Can I do anything to make you feel better?"

"Unfortunately, I think a massage or sex are out of the question," she replied ruefully, pulling away to pat his cheek. 

"Yeah, I kind of figured.  Anything else?"

"You can keep me company while I eat the salad I picked up on the way home," Nancy offered. "And I can make you nachos."

"That plan sounds good, but I can make the nachos, babe. As long as you promise to have a few chips along with your salad." 

"Deal." She playfully held out her hand for him to shake and grinned when he took it and pulled her forward to plant a kiss on her lips. 

\--

"Damn, you make some good nachos, honey," Nancy told him as she crunched into a tortilla chip heaped with gooey cheese, jalapeños, salsa, and sour cream. 

"It's an old family recipe," Ned informed her teasingly, pushing up the sleeves of his long-sleeved Emerson t-shirt. Before they'd come down to eat, he'd also changed into pajamas, announcing that he couldn't stay in his work clothes for a second longer.

"Well, it's much better than my crappy salad, that's for sure." She took another chip and bit into it eagerly. 

"You don't need to eat salads, baby. You look perfect just the way you are."

Nancy laughed. "Flattery will get you nowhere tonight—we already talked about the fact that there'll be no sex."

"Can't blame a guy for trying." He grinned at her before taking a slug of his cola. 

"I know we already rehashed what happened earlier, but can we make a promise not to fight like that again? Ned, I hated it."

Ned gave her a tender look. "I did too, Nan. I wanted to punch myself in the face as I was yelling at you. And I knew that I'd made you cry, which made me feel like even more of a shithead."

"Part of the reason why I was crying was because I was mad at myself, too. I hated that I'd said those things to you."

"Well, I think we've still made progress. Before, we never would have talked calmly after a fight like that. We would've just let it fester until our next blowup."

"You were the one that wanted to talk first after it was over," she reminded him. "I just sat in that fucking tub, trying to decide what to do next."

"We both needed to do some cooling down, baby," Ned replied diplomatically. 

Nancy pushed aside her plate, which was now empty save for a few bits of tomato and a couple of strands of melted cheese. "When you left the bathroom, did you think about going downstairs for a drink?"

"No," he replied immediately. "Not at all. My first thought was about what a jackass I'd been and how I should fix things with you. I wasn't looking to numb myself or make it all go away. I wanted to deal with it and move on."

Incredibly relieved by his response, she reached out and patted his hand. "That's really good to hear." Ned smiled at her. "And since you've been so honest with me, can I be honest with you?"

"Of course, Nan. You can tell me anything, baby – you know that."

She looked down at the table. "When you accused me of not being careful enough tonight… Ned, you were right."

"Nan, no. No, baby. I already told you – I didn't mean that shit. I know how things can go on a case and—"

Nancy looked up at him, and the sympathetic look in his warm brown eyes almost did her in. "You were right," she repeated. "I wasn't focused on my job; I was thinking about something else."

He clasped her hand in his. "What were you thinking about?"

The words were right there, but they felt like boulders in her mouth. Swallowing hard, she gathered up the courage to speak them. "Ned, do you still want to have a baby with me?" she blurted out.

"What?" He looked astonished.

Nancy could feel the tears gathering in her eyes again. "I asked if you want to try again for a baby. Not someday in the future—now."

"Nan… are you serious?"

The fact that he hadn't answered her outright made her nervous, but Nancy plowed on. "Yes. Seeing Mike and Jan and Howie and Shayna with their babies is hard, considering what we lost, but it makes me want to have one of our own even more. I want to try to get pregnant and have a baby, Ned, and I don't want to wait anymore.  If you're not ready, or if it's not what you want anymore…"

A huge grin spread across his face, and suddenly Nancy felt like everything was going to be all right. "Nan, I have been waiting for you to say those words to me."

"Really?" She could scarcely dare to believe it. 

"Yes, really. Watching my best friends become dads has made me so fucking jealous. I want that experience, and I want it with you. Now. I don't want to wait anymore, either. I know that we're both still dealing with the loss of our first baby, but we can't let that stop us from trying again."

She was crying harder now, but they were happy tears. "I'm so glad, honey."

"Come here, sweetheart." Nancy got up from the table and sat on his lap, throwing her arms around shoulders and burying her face in his neck. "Why didn't you talk to me about this before?"

"Because I was scared," she replied, her voice muffled by his shirt. "I was scared that you'd changed your mind or that you wanted to wait some more."

Ned gently eased her back so he could see her face and kissed each of her cheeks tenderly. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you're still building your business, and I didn't know if you were ready to deal with a new baby on top of all of that. Plus, things are still a little tight financially, and we're still working on our marriage…"

He kissed her again, this time on the lips. "Nan, there's never going to be a perfect time. I don't want those things to be excuses. Sure, my business is still new, but the growth has been incredible, and more and more prospective clients are contacting us all of the time. And, yeah, it has caused us to have a little rockier of a financial position than I would've liked, but the fact that the agency _is_ doing so well means that we'll be in a better place nine months or a year from now.

"And when it comes to us… Nan, I know that the fight tonight must've freaked you out even more about the whole baby thing, but it shouldn't. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, but we dealt with it immediately afterwards.  If we really feel the need, we can make appointments with Sol—kind of like a checkup, or check-in, like we promised we would. 

"But our relationship is strong and we're ready for this. We're ready for this," he repeated, kissing her more firmly this time. "Nancy Drew Nickerson, I want to have a baby with you."

Nancy smiled through her tears. "Well, that's really good—because Ned Nickerson, I want to have a baby with you, too." She kissed him back. 

 "So, what do we do now? We already said we can't have sex tonight…"

She laughed at the mock grimace on his face. "I'll call my OB/GYN and explain our situation, and see what she has to say." 

"Call her first thing tomorrow morning," Ned commanded playfully, swatting her on the rear. "It's time for us to get working on making Baby Nickerson."

\--

Nancy was sitting at her desk at work, running a background search at the request of a client, when her cell phone rang. She wasn't going to answer—until she saw that her father was calling. 

"Why hello, daughter!" her father greeted her.

She laughed. "Hi, Dad."

"It's been a while since we've talked, so I thought I'd check in. How are things?"

Nancy filled him on in some of the cases she was working on and bragged a little about the success of Ned's agency, careful to avoid the most important thing going on in her life right now. Both she and Ned had agreed that they weren't going to tell anyone about their attempt to conceive because they didn't want to jinx themselves; however, she felt like it was easier said than done. Even though it had only been a few weeks since they'd made the decision, she couldn't count the number of times she'd nearly slipped and confessed to Bess or George or Hannah or Edith. 

Once she had caught him up, her father told her about his latest legal cases, laughing when she offered her investigative services. 

"I can't afford you anymore, my dear," he teased. "It was one thing back when you were under my roof and I was covering your room and board and clothing budget; it was like you were paying me back in trade. Now that you're with that fancy detective agency…"

Nancy grinned, taking a sip from the takeout cup of herbal tea she'd picked up on the way to work. She wanted to wean herself off caffeine now, so that it wouldn't be a challenge when she was actually pregnant. "I can offer you the family discount." 

"Thanks, but I'll try my luck with our in-house guy—although he's not as good as you."

"Of course he isn't; after all, he wasn't trained by you," she teased back.

Carson chuckled. "This is why I miss you, Nan. And the reason for my call is _because_ I miss you. Adriana and I wanted to know if you and Ned would like to get together for dinner on Saturday night. We thought that we could try that new Italian place that opened up in Mapleton—it was given a great write-up by the _Trib_. Or, if you'd like, we could go somewhere in the city. My treat."

Nancy sighed internally, hating to have to turn him down. Since this was now the third week after she'd stopped taking her birth control pills, she and Ned had decided to officially start their babymaking attempts on Saturday night. Despite her protests about the cost, Ned had insisted on making reservations at a restaurant in downtown Chicago and had booked a room at a fancy hotel to mark the occasion. She had even stopped by a lingerie store and bought something sheer and lacy and silky to wear for him that night. 

"Sorry, Dad, I really am, but we already have plans."

"I should have known—my daughter's always had a very active social life," Carson joked, but she could tell he was disappointed. 

"Tell you what. Why don't I check with Ned to see about the following weekend, if that works for you and Adriana?"

"I'm free, but I'll touch base with her to confirm." 

"Great," Nancy said cheerfully, taking another sip of her tea. "I'll talk to Ned tonight and get back to you. And you don't have to treat us; I could make dinner, if you'd like. How about one of your favorites: roast beef and garlic mashed potatoes and honey-glazed carrots?"

"Sold," her father laughed. "Talk to you tomorrow, Nan."

"Talk to you."

After Nancy hung up, she finished her tea and tried to focus on her background check again. It wasn't easy, though. Everything in her wanted to pick up the phone again and tell her father that she was making plans to start her own family. Her promise to Ned, and the fear that she'd somehow bring up her miscarriage—which her father still didn't know about—stopped her. 

Sighing, she put her cell phone in her desk drawer, where it couldn't tempt her, and turned back to her computer screen. 

\--

Ned zipped up his suitcase and checked his wristwatch. "Almost ready, babe?" he called out. "We have to be going soon; our reservation at the restaurant is at seven-thirty, and you know how the traffic going into the city gets at this hour on a Saturday night." 

"Give me two minutes!" Nancy called back from the bathroom. "Just finishing up!"

Lifting the suitcase off the bed, he wheeled it toward the hall and then sat on the edge of the bed. He was looking forward to tonight, for a variety of reasons. It had been a while since he and Nancy had planned an overnight date to Chicago, and some of their hottest nights together had happened in hotel rooms. He was hoping for a repeat of that, especially since they hadn't had sex in a while: she had asked if they could wait so that his sperm would be at optimal condition, improving their chances of conceiving. 

And that was the biggest reason that Ned was looking forward to their getaway. The chance to start their family was something he'd been looking forward to, but he hadn't wanted to push Nancy, knowing how much emotional pain she'd been in during her first pregnancy and how devastated she'd been about the miscarriage. He was well aware that her already-brewing fears about her parental abilities and their ability to keep their relationship strong had still been weighing on her mind, and that she was incredibly nervous that she wouldn't be able to carry a pregnancy to successful term. 

Ned couldn't deny that he still felt a lingering sadness whenever he thought about the child they'd lost. Every time he heard Mike and Howie talk about their babies or saw pictures of them on Facebook, or saw parents with their children out in public, he felt heartbroken and angry that he and Nancy had been denied the chance to watch their first child grow and thrive.

The night that Nancy had told him she wanted to try again was one of the happiest he could remember in a long time. The thought of watching her body change as their child grew inside her, of holding their newborn baby for the first time, made him almost delirious with excitement. In fact, just to show her how serious he was about this plan, he had made the reservations at the Greek seafood place in the city that she liked so much and had booked a room at their favorite downtown hotel; when she'd protested about the cost, Ned had insisted that the splurge was important, considering how crucial the night could be and what it signified. With any luck, she'd conceive right away. 

Ned heard the bathroom door open and his jaw dropped at the sight of his wife. She wore a strapless black satin dress that dipped down to a V between her breasts and stopped above her knees, the material gathered into a bow at her side. The dress clung to her curves and showed off her knockout figure. She wore black spiked heels on her feet, a pair of gold earrings dangled from her earlobes, and her hair was loose and shiny to her bare shoulders. 

"Fuck, you look sexy, baby," he told her, a wide grin stretching up the corners of his mouth. 

"I'm glad you like it," Nancy smiled. Her lashes were dark, her eyelids were dusted with smoky shades of grey, and her lips were glossed in a luscious red. "I wanted to look nice for you."

"Mission accomplished, gorgeous. It's going to be tough to sit through dinner with you in a public place, when all I'm going to want to do is get you into that hotel room."

She laughed, dropping her cosmetic case and hairbrush into her suitcase before zipping it up. "I feel the same way, especially considering how hot you look in that black suit and my favorite grey tie of yours. _Hmmm—_ I'm already considering how we can work that tie into our activities later on." 

Her words caused Ned's groin to tighten. "You just keep thinking about that, baby. Any and all suggestions will be thoroughly considered."

\--

He drove to the hotel first so they could check in and store their bags before taking a cab to the restaurant. Luckily, the traffic wasn't too awful yet, so they were able to make good time on their trip into the city. Their taxi pulled up in front of the restaurant at seven-thirty sharp.

After a five-minute wait, the hostess led them through the bustling restaurant, which was as crowded as it usually was on a Saturday night. The atmosphere was open and airy, the blond hardwood floors were polished to a high shine, and the tables were set with thick white tablecloths, giving the place an upscale vibe. Off to one side of the restaurant was a large bar covered in hand-carved marble imported from Greece, and the barstools were all occupied, with more people packed in around them. In warmer weather, the courtyard behind the restaurant was set up with even more tables: the owners would keep the doors open so that the scent of the blooms exploding from the flowerboxes and the sounds of a live jazz trio could make their way into the main part of the restaurant.  As they made their way to the table, they passed by a huge metal table in the center of the room, covered in ice chips and various types of fish that had been delivered fresh earlier in the day. 

Once they were seated, the hostess handed them thick, leather-bound menus and told them that a waiter would be by shortly.

"I always say I'm going to try something different, but then I decide I'll be sorry if I don't have my regular favorites," Nancy sighed as she perused her menu. 

Ned chuckled. "Do you want me to get something new so you can taste it, Nan?"

"That would be nice," she told him, fluttering her lashes at him across the table. 

"Want anything to drink? Should I get a bottle of wine?"

"I know we have fun in the bedroom when we're both tipsy, but I don't really think I want to get drunk tonight," Nancy replied thoughtfully. "First of all, I want us both to be really present; secondly, I don't want to do anything that could possibly cause something to go wrong later. I know it's an outside possibility, but who knows?" she shrugged one slender shoulder.

"You remember that the doctors all said that there's no reason anything'll go wrong this time around, right?" he reminded her. When she nodded, he smiled at her. "All the same, I agree with us not going crazy with the booze tonight. One drink each with dinner?" 

"That sounds good." He could hear the touch of relief in her voice.

When the waitress came over, they placed their orders for appetizers and main courses—along with one drink each to arrive with their meals. After the waitress departed, Nancy gave Ned a shy smile. "Thanks again for making such a big deal about tonight. One of my favorite restaurants, our special hotel… I really appreciate it." 

"It is a big deal," he replied simply, reaching across the table to take her hand. "A decision like this is huge, especially after all we've been through."

"Well, I still appreciate it." She raised her eyebrows teasingly. "And I fully intend on showing you my appreciation later, Mr. Nickerson."

He gave her an easy grin, squeezing her hand. "Have you made any decisions about this tie, Miss Drew?"

Nancy cocked her head and pursed her lips, giving him a coy look he loved. "It's still under consideration."

Once the waitress set down the oversized white appetizer plates in front of them, they eagerly dug in. 

"Mmmm," Nancy swooned after sampling a bite of perfectly grilled calamari stuffed with a variety of Greek cheeses. "God, I love this."

Ned bit into a triangle of _spanakopita_ , savoring the crunch of the _phyllo_ dough around creamy layers of spinach, dill, leeks, and feta cheese. "Damn, this is good," he replied after swallowing. 

"Now do you remember why I'm so crazy about this place?"

"I do," he agreed, spooning a few pieces of calamari onto his plate. "One of these days, I'll get a whole bunch of appetizers as my meal."

She dipped a spreading knife into a little ramekin of whipped caviar and fish dip and lathered it over a piece of piping hot freshly baked pita bread, sighing with pleasure as she popped it into her mouth. "I may take you up on that the next time we come here." 

"But that would mean that you couldn't get your regular entrée," he teased lightly.

Nancy playfully stuck out her tongue at him before trying her own piece of _spanakopita_. "Oh, I forgot to tell you; I talked to your mom earlier."

"You know, she calls you more than she calls me," Ned pretended to complained as he took a forkful of calamari.

"Well, this time it was with good reason. One of her Garden Club friends is having a jewelry party in a few weeks, and your mom was calling to invite me. She promised that I didn't have to feel obligated to buy anything; she just wanted my company and said that everyone else was inviting their daughters, too."

By the look on her face, Ned could tell that his wife was pleased. "You know she loves you like you were her own, Nan."

"I know," she smiled. "And I told her I'd be glad to go with her, as long as one of my cases doesn't interfere."

"I'm sure she was happy." Suddenly, something occurred to Ned. "You didn't tell her about…" He pointed his finger back and forth between the two of them across the table.

"About us trying for a baby? No," Nancy confirmed, taking a sip of water. "Although, I must admit it wasn't easy, especially considering that she was one of the few people that knew that… that I was pregnant the first time," she finished her sentence quietly. "I know she'd be beyond thrilled that we're trying again. And because she was so wonderfully supportive the first time around, I just want so badly to tell her."

"I understand what you mean," he confessed. "I talked to Mike the other day and he was going on and on about something adorable his baby had done. Don't get me wrong—I was happy to hear about it, but I just wanted to say something about how soon he and Jan might not be the only ones with a cute baby."

"It's been killing me not to say anything to our family and friends," Nancy groaned. "And I can't imagine how hard it's going to be to keep quiet when we see my dad and Adriana next weekend.

"But if it takes us a while to conceive, or if something happens and we don't, I just feel like it would be ten times worse. They'd mean well, but everyone would constantly be asking us if I was pregnant yet, and offering all kinds of advice. And if I do get pregnant and something happens again..." She stared down at the tablecloth for a moment before turning her gaze back to Ned. "I just couldn't face them."

"Sweetheart," Ned said softly, "sweetheart, please don't think that way. It may take us a little bit of time, but I know you'll get pregnant soon after we start this, and I know that our baby will be fine this time. You just have to have faith."

"Faith," Nancy echoed, still not looking entirely convinced.

"After all, look how bad things were between us," he went on. "Could you ever have anticipated that we'd be happy like this again? It took a lot of faith on our parts to believe that we had something left to salvage. And we did, sweetheart. There were lots of times that it seemed impossible, but we're here now."

"It took a lot of hard work, too," she reminded him, her blue eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"It did," he acknowledged. "But it's been totally worth it. So we need to have faith again now. This will work, Nancy—we can't go into it believing otherwise. And if, God forbid, we do have a problem with conceiving, then there are other avenues we can explore. We won't just give up, right?"  Nancy nodded. 

"So no more crying, gorgeous," he commanded her playfully, wanting to lighten the mood. "I want you to tell me something."

"What's that?" she sniffled, dabbing just the corners of her eyes with the cloth napkin that had been resting on her lap. 

Ned gave her a wide smile. "What kind of a baby do you want to have first, huh? Boy or girl? Should we put in our order now?"

It worked; she let out a genuine laugh. "I don't think it works that way, honey." 

"It doesn't?" He feigned disappointment. 

"Sorry to break the bad news, Nickerson." Nancy forked up another bite of calamari, grinning at him. 

"But if we could, which would you want first: boy or girl?"

"I just want the baby to be healthy and happy. Really."

"I know that, Drew, and you know that it _really_ doesn't matter to me which we have first, just as long as it'll have ten fingers and toes and one nose and stuff like that." She laughed again. "But I was thinking it would be kind of nice if the baby were a girl."

Nancy gave him a look of surprise. "Really? I thought for sure that you'd want a son first."

Ned held his hand out in a mock stop signal. "Hear me out. It would be very nice to have a little guy that I could teach football and basketball—"

"And baseball," she interjected, playfully rolling her eyes. 

"Yep, that too," he agreed cheerfully. "And all kinds of other sports; we could play them in the park or the backyard, and sit on the couch and watch the games on Sundays. It would be fun to take him fishing and camping, too."

"Yet you're saying that you want a little girl first?" 

He nodded. "Well, thanks to my years of hanging around with you, I know for a fact that girls can do anything boys can.  Which means that I can do all of that stuff with a daughter—plus we can put her in those cute little dresses and I can cuddle with her."

She giggled.  "And everyone thinks _I'm_ a daddy's girl. Why do I have a feeling that our daughter would be spoiled beyond belief?"

"Because she will be, and because I fully plan on helping to make that happen? But she'll be tough and strong and independent, too, just like her mommy. Hmm, I wonder where I can pick up _Baby's First Sleuthing Set_? One can never be too prepared."

By now, Nancy was laughing harder. "That set's not coming into the house if it doesn't include a choke-proof lock-picking kit."

"Our child will be smart enough to do the Heimlich on itself," Ned assured her confidently, joining in her laughter. 

"Not to put a damper on things, honey, but your daughter could be a girly-girl like Bess," Nancy reminded him. "The sight of a worm baited on a fishing hook could make her scream, and she might hate the idea of getting dirty or sweaty playing sports."

"True," Ned mused. "But _you_ like both girl stuff _and_ active stuff, so there's a good chance our daughter could, too."

"There's always the possibility."

"I just think my mom would be so excited to have a granddaughter. After all, look how happy she is having you in her life.  Don't get me wrong—she's always been an incredible mom to me and I never once felt like she was sorry that her only child was a son—but I've seen how she looks at dolls and hair bows and stuff like that, and I think that a little part of her has always been sad that she never got to buy that stuff for her own kid."

"I think she'd go crazy with the pink and the tea parties and the ruffles," his wife acknowledged with a grin. "But I could see her being just as excited about a grandson, Ned.  Your mom loves me, it's true, but _you're_ the light of her life. She has always been so proud of you and the man you've become—"

He involuntarily winced, thinking of all of the terrible things he'd done over the last year. "Not always, Nan."

"Stop that." Her voice was low but firm as she waved her fork at him. "There were things that you'd done that Edith didn't like and she was disappointed by some of the choices you'd made, but she never stopped loving you. _Never_.  And now she's proud of how hard you've worked to get back to being the same man that she raised. She would be thrilled and delighted about a having a handsome little grandson that looks you."

Nancy's words touched his heart. "Every time I think about the look in her eyes when I confessed to her what I'd done…" Even now, he felt sick about it. His mother's anger and displeasure when he'd admitted about his near-affair with Carly and his drug use had nearly broken him. 

"That's all in the past to her," Nancy now insisted. "She's just so happy to have her son back—both physically here in Illinois _and_ personality-wise. And when we're able to tell her that we're going to have a child of our own, she'll be overjoyed, whether it's a boy or a girl."

"Thank you, sweetheart," he told her quietly. "I can't wait to see the look on her face when we give her the news."

"I can't either," she smiled. 

Just then, the waitress came by to clear their appetizer plates and set down their entrées and drinks. 

"Oh, I'm glad that I got my usual meal," Nancy sighed happily as she looked down at her plate, which was heaped with shrimp, scallops and clams over orzo in a hearty tomato-feta sauce scented with oregano. "It smells so good!"

"You know, I thought I'd miss my lamb chops, but this looks amazing, Nan." Thanks to Nancy's indecision, Ned had decided to try one of the meals that she'd had her eye on: an imported whole fish, charcoal grilled and stuffed with fresh lemon, garlic, parsley, and olive oil. He'd also picked a side dish of crispy roasted potatoes seasoned with rosemary; after a taste of his main dish and the potatoes, he was glad he'd chosen something new.   

"Oh, this seafood is amazing," she moaned after taking a forkful. "And the sauce! I really should learn how to make it myself, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be as good."

"I don't know about that; you did an incredible job with that paella you made for our dinner party, babe," he reminded her proudly. 

She accepted the chunk of fish that Ned held out to her on a small side plate that they had requested from the waitress. "Thank you, but even I know my limits. Wow, this fish is delicious! Think we could replicate it somehow on our grill at home this summer?"

"Sure, if we had the fish flown in fresh from the waters of the Mediterranean," he joked. 

She playfully waved her fork at him. "Get on that, Nickerson."

He turned serious. "So, continuing our conversation… What kind of a grandchild do you think your dad would prefer?"

Pursing her lips, Nancy considered his question. "You know, I'm not sure. For years, I would have thought he would've wanted a granddaughter. But now I think he'd be even more excited about a grandson."

"Really?" Ned couldn't help but be surprised by her answer. "Why do you say that?"

"Well, I mean, everyone knows how close we are and how he's always included me in everything; it's not really a secret to anyone how much he loves me. But since he never got the chance to have a son of his own, I wonder if he feels like he missed out. I hear him talk about his friends taking their grandsons fishing or to Cubs games or to the dinosaur exhibit at the Field Museum, and he sounds almost… wistful."

"I think it's that he wants a grandchild, Nan, _any_ grandchild," he tried to reassure her. "No one could ever doubt for one second how glad he is to have you for a daughter, and if you gave him a granddaughter, he'd adore her as much as he adores you."

"So what if we do have a boy first?" she challenged, a gleam in her eye. 

"Then I'll do all of that same stuff with him that I would with a girl," he replied promptly. "Except the dresses, unless that's what he really wants."

"You're so progressive," Nancy told him, feigning an impressed look. 

"I just want our kid to be happy, Nan, no matter what. And I'll love him or her, no matter what—because they'll have a part of you in them."

Nancy pushed out her lower lip and he could see her tearing up again. "You are so sweet." 

"Now," Ned continued, picking up his glass, "I think it's time we stop talking about our parents and what they want and we start talking about why we're here and what _we_ want. And it's time for a toast."

"What should we toast to?" she asked, picking up her martini glass. 

"First, to my beautiful, sexy wife, who looks incredible tonight—good enough to eat. Literally."  Ned enjoyed seeing the light flush that washed over her cheeks. "And to the reason we're here tonight. Baby, I have dreamed of starting our family for as long as I can remember, and I can't believe that it's becoming a reality. I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to go through this journey with you."

They clinked glasses and he was about to take a sip of his drink when Nancy held up her palm. "My turn. I want to toast to my handsome, sexy husband. Even though times have been hard, there's no one else I would ever want to be the father of my children. I will always think of the baby that we lost, but I am truly excited to try again. I'm so glad that we're taking this adventure together." 

"It's always an adventure when we're together," he reminded her. 

 "True. Wow, I'm kind of glad we both decided on one drink apiece," she laughed after taking a sip of her fig and honey martini. "Strong."

"So does this mean you'll be drunk later, after all?" Ned teased hopefully. He'd stuck to a beer from a Greek microbrewery rather than a fancy mixed cocktail.  

Nancy grinned. "Not quite, but if I kept drinking these all night, I could very well be." 

"Hmm, maybe we should order some to go."

"Nope, we promised we wouldn't drink too much tonight, remember? Somehow, I think we can keep things hot, anyway."

For the remainder of the meal, they continued to flirt with each other, enjoying each other's company. Ned couldn't help but notice the appraising glances other men cast upon his wife as they passed by the table; each time it happened, Nancy would give him a sexy grin and run her bare foot up his pant leg, making him shiver. He had always been both jealous and proud of the attention other men paid to her, but seeing her like this, on a special date night... he wanted to claim her, to make sure everyone knew she was his. Though her glances were sometimes teasing, she only had eyes for him.

When the waitress asked if they wanted anything else, Nancy declared that she didn't have room for even one more bite. Ned was seriously tempted by the honey-coated _baklava_ and other luscious-looking treats on the dessert cart; in the end, though, his desire for his wife won out over his desire for dessert and he asked for the check instead. 

On the cab ride back to the hotel, Nancy snuggled up to him and began kissing his neck, her hand draped loosely over his lap as she rubbed his thigh. He had already been aroused, but her proximity was exciting him even more. "Baby," Ned murmured, "if you keep doing that, I'll be tempted to fuck you right here in this cab."

"Well, we can't have that," Nancy murmured back, turning her head so that her mouth captured his. After breaking away, she slowly, deliberately tugged her thumb over his lips to wipe off the gloss that her kiss had left behind. "We've already established that when it comes to," she placed her mouth next to his ear, " _fucking_ , I insist on having you all to myself."

Ned felt his cock twitch in time to his rapidly beating heart. "I am all yours, baby." He let his fingertips drift over the neckline of her dress, lingering at the lowest point, just above her breasts. Despite the chill of the evening, her skin was tantalizingly warm against his. 

"You know, you didn't have to splurge for a fancy hotel room," she reminded him, her palm stroking his knee. "I would have put out tonight, anyway."

"Oh, I knew you were a sure thing, but I also know how _dirty_ ," he growled the word into her ear, "you get whenever we stay in a hotel."

"What can I say," she replied, her lashes fluttering. "I just go crazy when I know you're going to give me that big," her palm moved closer to his crotch, "hard," her hand shifted to his inner thigh, " _delicious_ cock someplace away from home."

If he were any harder right now, he'd burst through the zipper of his pants. "We'd better get to the hotel within two minutes," he growled against her earlobe, "or you will get a thorough fucking in this taxi; I won't care who's watching."

Nancy's hand retreated but she continued to kiss and suck his earlobe for the few short minutes they had left on their ride back to the hotel. Ned shifted to relieve some of his discomfort, his grip firm against her hip as he fought the urge to shove her dress up to her waist and fuck her thoroughly with his fingers, his mouth covering hers to muffle her groans of pleasure. Just the feel of her _breath_ against his skin was almost painfully arousing. 

Finally, they arrived. Ned somehow managed the self-control to keep from stripping her panties off in the elevator and fucking her against the wall, but when her nails raked against the small of his back, over his shirt, it was touch and go. The minute the door of their room closed behind them, he reached for the zipper of Nancy's dress, but she pushed his hands away. 

"Nope," she told him, a wicked grin on her lips. "I bought some _very_ slutty lingerie to wear for you tonight, and I'm going to go put it on."

He groaned. "Baby, no. I don't need it—I just need you to get naked."

"I'll be worth the wait," she replied in a singsong voice. "While I'm gone, you can get undressed—but leave the tie on." The saucy wink she gave him made his cock pulse in answer. 

When she emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, Ned's internal temperature spiked. The first word that came to mind upon seeing the outfit she was wearing was _sinful._ It was made up of scraps of sheer black lace that barely covered her breasts; the lace trailed down to two thin black silky strips that crisscrossed over her abdomen, leaving her sides totally exposed and a diamond-shaped wedge of bare skin around her navel. The ends of the silk were attached to another panel of sheer lace that just covered her crotch, and there were strings at her hips, likely signaling that the underwear tapered to a string thong in the back.   She'd kept her heels on. 

"Holy shit," he murmured when finally found his voice. He hadn't thought it was possible, but his cock became even harder at the sight of her.

"Told you it was slutty," Nancy replied saucily. 

"My God, you were not lying. Come closer so I can get a better look." 

She walked over to the bed, where he sat on the edge of the mattress in just his boxers and the tie, as she had requested.  "Sexy," she told him, gripping the end of the tie as she bent over to fuse her lips to his. 

"You're the sexy one," Ned replied, curving one hand around her ass cheek. Just as he had guessed, it was bare—definitely a string thong.  "Whatever you call this thing you're wearing, or barely wearing—it's hot as hell, baby."

Nancy straightened, roughly running her hands through his hair. She caught a handful in her fist and met his eyes with a look of definite satisfaction. "I'm glad you like it, Mr. Nickerson." 

He lightly slapped her ass. "I love it, Mrs. Nickerson. But I'm sure it'll look even better on the floor." 

She climbed onto the mattress on her knees to straddle his lap, her movements sinuous and designed just to incite his already hungry gaze. "You know how I love it when you slap my ass while we're fucking," she purred, then fluttered her lashes up. 

"Is that an order?" He ran his palm over her breast, enjoying the sight of the firm pink tip through the sheer black lace, the way her hips shifted as she moved in response. 

Taking his bottom lip between her teeth, Nancy bit down. "It sure is," she said, and her breathy moan was edged in a growl.

Ned moved to her other breast and pinched the nipple between his thumb and forefinger before taking his other hand and sliding it down below her waist. When he ran his fingertip over the crotch, he could already feel how wet she was through the mesh fabric.

Shuddering, Nancy let out a low moan. He realized that as desperate for it as he was, she probably felt just as eager. "That's so good," she breathed.

Because her knees were on either side of his hips, she was slightly open to him, so he eased his finger underneath the fabric and began stroking.  The flesh he was touching was incredibly hot and slick, and his cock jerked at the thought of being surrounded by it. 

"Feel that?" she whispered, panting as she arched for him. "That's how much I want you."

He slipped in a second finger to trace the lips of her sex, then bent his head to suckle at her nipple, the texture of the lace slightly rough against his lips and tongue. One of her hands fisted in his hair as she tilted her head back; the other drifted down to the front of his boxers, gently squeezing his erection through the cotton. 

"Baby," Ned growled, his voice muffled by her breast, "baby, if you keep doing that, I'm going to come right now."

Nancy's hand slid up to the elastic waistband of his underwear before resting on his abs. "We can't have that." He could hear the smile in her voice.

"Especially not tonight," he reminded her.  He moved a hand to her back, which was warm and bare against his palm. 

She bowed her head and placed a finger underneath his chin, tilting his face up. "That's right—you're supposed to try to get me pregnant tonight, sir."

Ned grinned at her just before capturing her mouth with his. "I will do my best, ma'am," he solemnly informed her once he broke the kiss. "But first you need to tell me how to remove this ridiculously sexy little outfit you have on—otherwise I'll just rip it off your body. Your luscious, delicious, slammin' hot body."

He was pleased when she giggled. "Even though it looks cheap, it wasn't. Don't ruin it on the first night."

"Well, then, show me how to take it off the right way."

"All you have to do," she slipped her tongue into his mouth in a particularly hot kiss, "is undo the bra clasp at the back. Then I can just step out of it."

The words were barely out of her mouth when Ned slid his palm up her spine and flicked open the clasp at the middle of her back. The second it was open, he yanked the spaghetti straps down her arms, freeing her breasts. "That's better," he told her before running his lips over one hard nipple. 

"God," Nancy sighed, her head bowed over his. "Let me get the rest off."  To his momentary disappointment, she slid off of his lap and stood in front of the bed. 

"Wait," he pleaded as she was about to push down the teddy. "Before you do that, show me the back of it, baby."

Giving him a teasing grin, Nancy slowly pivoted on her high heels until her back was to him. Ned let out a low whistle. Just as he'd predicted, her entire back was bare except for the now-open bra band and the minuscule black string nestled between her ass cheeks. One of her cheeks was slightly pink, thanks to the slaps he'd given her earlier. 

"Yeah, you are _definitely_ wearing this again," he informed her. 

Nancy gave him a smoldering look over one shoulder. "If you're a good boy, I will."

By this point, he was beyond aroused. "Well, right now, I feel like being a bad boy, so get over here."

"Ordering me around?" she cooed as she turned back around and began peeling the teddy off. Each slow, deliberate movement was specifically designed to turn him on even more, and it was definitely working. Her breasts jiggled, her hips shimmied, and her thighs were parted more than they probably had to be, and it all added up to one of the sexiest shows she'd ever given him. 

"Hell yes," he growled. "Get on top of me right now, sexy." 

She slid back onto the mattress on her knees and straddled his lap once more, throwing her arms around his neck. "Kiss me."

No sooner were the words out of her mouth when Ned followed her command, his tongue stroking wildly against hers. He traced the slick folds of her sex again and began stroking her clit, varying between feather-light caresses and firm rubbing. The sounds of pleasure she was making against his lips served to inflame him even more; he was so hyper-sensitive that even the slightest brush of the cotton of his boxers against his rock-hard dick was almost painful. 

"Baby," he moaned after breaking off a particularly deep kiss. "Baby, I can't wait anymore. Let's fuck." 

"Get on your back," Nancy told him, her voice husky from her arousal. 

He quickly slid his boxers down and off, with some help from his wife. As soon as they were off, he scooted backwards and moved onto his back.

" _Mmmm_ , better." Still straddling him on her knees, Nancy gripped the knot of his tie and bent her head to kiss him once more, the tips of her breasts grazing his chest. "Do you know how hot you look wearing only this tie?" 

Ned grinned up at her, loving the compliment. "Not as hot as you look naked, Nan." 

He rested his palms against her hips, and she arched when he grasped her ass in both hands. Her hair was tumbled down, cherry-red lips parted, and even the smell of her was intoxicating. The heat of her radiated against his abs, and he was trembling for want of her. Then she began to ease the knot down, and he tipped his head up to let her slide the tie off him.

She nipped at his earlobe. "The first time," she breathed, and he grasped her ass in an attempt to pull her down to him. When she resisted he smacked her ass again, and she moaned, deliberately drawing her upper thigh against the underside of his shaft to inflame him further. "The first time I asked if you wanted to tie me up..."

He gripped her ass. "Fuck," he groaned. "Oh my God..."

She kissed his cheek. "I need you," she moaned. "I need you..." She kissed the tip of his nose. "To work that big," she kissed his other earlobe, "hard," she kissed the point of his jaw, then lowered her hips so the slick lips of her sex were brushing his abs. "Gorgeous cock inside me and fill me up. Slide in and out of me until you're ready to explode." She lowered her lips to his, then took his hands and guided them to her breasts, and he gave the tender flesh a firm squeeze. "Then fill me up with every single drop while I'm tied to the headboard... entirely, totally yours, legs open and glistening wet because I'm ready for you, I've been fucking _dying_ for that incredible cock for _so long._ My drop-dead gorgeous, sexy husband..."

He was still squeezing her breasts, firmly pinching her nipples; he released her to grasp her hips and roll her onto her back. Her lashes fluttered up and she arched, parting her legs wide when he took her wrists and bound them to the headboard. "Mmm," she moaned, angling her hips. "Oh _yeah..._ "

"You deserve," he told her, "for me to drive you wild, tease you out of your mind... and maybe I will later, sexy. But for now, baby, you are going to take every fucking _inch_..." He leaned down and nipped at her earlobe. "And you are going to love every _second_ of it."

"You bet I am," she growled. She still wore her black spiked heels, and the contrast of the black leather against the creamy white of her pale thighs and the glistening deep pink between, drove him crazy. "Fuck me like you wanted to that night, like you've wanted every single night this week..."

He already knew she was aroused and beyond ready for him; she released a fluttering cry, pushing her shoulders back so her pink-tipped breasts were even more prominent, as he fitted the head of his cock against her slippery-wet entrance. She barely had time to angle her hips and ease his first thrust before he was driving the full length of his cock between her thighs, the motion rough and claiming but not brutal. She cried out, but the sound wasn't one of distress. It was answered desire, so perfectly met it was almost painful, and he groaned aloud in its twin.

"Yes," they breathed at the same time. His hands found her breast and her clit at the same time, and when he rubbed against them in unison, he felt the answering clench of her arousal as her pussy tightened and then pulsed in time with his strokes. She strained against the tie, panting for breath.

"So good, oh _fuck_ ," she gasped. "Baby, fuck me..."

He needed no further urging; he slid out of her until just the head of his cock was still inside her, then thrust his hips, and she tipped her head back. He worked in her until she wrapped her legs around him, rubbing her clit with firmer, rougher strokes until she began to sob, her inner flesh throbbing hot and slick as hell around his cock. It felt perfect, to be with her this way. His first and his only, the woman whose body was nearly as familiar to him as his own, but who could still inflame him with just the slightest brush of her fingertips, or the teasing heat of her breath.

"I love you," he gasped, feeling her hips twist as she tightened her grip around him to meet his thrusts, her breasts jolting with every one. "My sexy, beautiful girl."

"I love you," she panted in response, and her flesh was damp with exertion as her thighs pressed against his hips. "Oh God _yes,_ oh—right _there!_..."

She was begging, chanting, pleading, and the feel of her pussy, tight and wet against his cock, was driving him insane. She shook her head, then stiffened, going still for his next few thrusts.

"Come," he begged her. "Fuck, Nan, _come_... oh my God, baby..."

He lowered his head to her breast and pulled her nipple into his mouth, and she let out a loud scream, pulsing against him when he gently bit the sensitive tip. "Yes yes _yes..._ "

He reached down and propped his hips up, and she was still gripping him as he smacked her ass. The shock made her gasp, and her pussy clenched around him. "Yeah," she purred. "Mmmmm..."

He smacked her other cheek, provoking another renewed clench, another bolt of such intense arousal that he felt like he almost blacked out for a second. He held her hips and fucked her hard, nipping against her chest, the tops of her breasts; his love-bites provoked more gasps and sobs of arousal, and when she squirmed he spanked her again, making her cry out.

" _Mine,_ " he growled. "The most beautiful girl I've ever seen and you're mine..."

She screamed his name when he spanked her again, roughly fondling her clit at the same time, and then her hips and shoulders jerked as she reached the height of her arousal. He moved to gaze into her eyes and found her gazing up at him, her face glowing with exertion and her lips parted, and they both cried out when he buried himself inside her with one last thrust and finally let himself come.

She was trembling a little, her legs still wrapped around him, as he relaxed against her. A creak in the headboard reminded him that she was still bound; he reached up and fumbled the knot open, and she sighed as she brought her arms down. After a moment, she reached up and ran her hand through his hair, her other palm against his shoulder blades. He brushed a kiss against her temple before he slowly slid out of her; she groaned, and he watched her bring her knees up, tilting her hips. She wanted to keep every drop of his seed inside her for as long as she could.

With a sigh, Ned reached up and pulled his necktie off the headboard, slipping it over his head but leaving the ends loose. "Be right back," he told her, and she gave him a little smile, her knees still hugged against her chest.

It didn't feel the same, he realized as he ran a washcloth under the tap and cleaned himself up, then returned to her. When they had been in Los Angeles, her insistence on having sex whenever she was ovulating, the way it had become like a chore, the hurt feelings and irritation and anger, the fertility appointments—he had felt like they were judging him, every single one of them. He hadn't measured up, he hadn't truly been a man, if he had needed some overpriced _doctor_ to hold his wife's hand and assure them everything was okay, and ask to put him through a battery of tests and invasive questions besides.

But they had discussed children a long time ago; they had picked out their home, their _current_ home, because they knew they wanted to have children someday, even if they hadn't quite been ready yet.

Now, though... now he looked at her and saw her beautiful face, and the anxiety there. She needed this, to know she was whole again, and he wanted so badly to give her a baby. While a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby weren't a heal-all and never would be, to have that with her, to have that connection between them... he believed with his whole heart that it would only bring them closer.

After he had cleaned her up, he slid back into the bed. "Remember the chocolate-covered strawberries on the room-service menu?" he commented, looking over at her.

She smiled. "You and your bottomless appetite," she teased.

"What? I need to keep my stamina up," he said, feigning hurt. "After all, this is a special night with my favorite girl. It'd be a shame if we didn't fuck three or four times—we need to be very thorough, after all."

She chuckled. "All right. Go ahead and place the order. By the time it gets here, we should definitely be ready for another round..."

He gave her a grin and a kiss on the cheek before he picked up the phone.

While they were waiting for their order to arrive, Nancy finally stretched out her legs. "All right, that's all the help you're gonna get," she said, looking down and patting her lower abdomen. "Now find an egg and make your daddy proud."

Ned snorted. "Excellent motivational speech, sweetheart."

She sat up and reached for the tie, considering for a moment before she began to re-knot it around his neck. He loved watching her do it; she paused every now and then, reconsidering and retracing, her teeth sunk into her lower lip. Then she smiled, pleased, as she finally finished tying the knot and tightened it a little. "There."

"A tie and a bathrobe definitely isn't going to raise any questions when I answer the door for room service," he pointed out mildly.

"Like no one knows what we're doing in here," she countered, drawing her fingertips up his neck, over his adam's apple, up to his jaw. "If we _really_ wanted to give them an eyeful, I'd answer the door in your tie and a bathrobe and nothing else."

He reached for her hips and swung her on top of him. "And that is a view meant _only_ for me," he told her solemnly, gazing up at her.

She nodded, leaning down so her forehead was against his. "You're definitely the only one who will ever take advantage of it," she murmured. "The only man who can make me come so hard I can't even _think_ straight after. And you're going to give me such beautiful babies."

He nodded too, reaching up to run his fingers through her hair. "Any baby would be lucky as hell to have you as his or her mother," he murmured, and when she blinked, her eyes were shining after. "I love you so much, Nan."

"I love you too," she murmured, then gave him a long, sweet kiss.

The strawberries arrived with an expensive bottle of imported water, instead of the champagne he would have loved sharing with her—but they would have other nights for champagne, other times to celebrate. He fed her the first, but she insisted on feeding him a few after that... and when she licked strawberry juice from her fingers, regarding him through her dark lashes and releasing each fingertip with an audible pop, he felt himself begin to stir again. He touched the barely-melted chocolate shell on one of the berries with his fingertips, then smeared the trace of chocolate against her nipples—and swung her over him so he could suck it off himself. She giggled, then moaned, straddling his thighs. "That is so good," she sighed.

He rolled her onto her back and grabbed the berry, then pressed it against her breastbone, letting the warmth of her skin begin to melt the chocolate before he dragged it in a swirling trail over her breasts, down to her abdomen, to just above her pubic bone. She giggled when he grabbed the dangling ends of the tie and tossed them over his shoulder to get them out of the way, then followed the trail with his lips and tongue, kissing and licking her clean. She squirmed when he suckled against each breast, teasing her with little nips; when he suddenly reached down and cupped her between her thighs, gently tracing the lips of her sex with his fingertip, she groaned loudly and bent her knees, spreading her legs wide.

"Mmm. Ready for an encore, gorgeous?" he growled against her skin, barely penetrating her.

"God, yes," she sighed. Then she pushed herself up a little, and Ned's eyebrows rose an inch when she caught the end of the tie and tugged a little. "But I think you should be rewarded for all your hard work tonight, sir. Let me show you my appreciation..."

He grinned and nipped at her again. "Some of my favorite words," he murmured, pushing himself up so he could look into her eyes. "Along with 'sex swing' and 'I made Hannah's chocolate cake.'"

She tugged again, her eyes twinkling. "And when I say 'Let me ride that big, hard cock...'"

He groaned, lowering himself to her, pinning her to the bed. "Mmm-hmm. I like the way that sounds."

"And you will _love_ ," she purred, "the way it feels, I promise."

"That's a lot to promise." He moved his hips against hers in a firm thrust, pressing his cock against the slick, tender flesh between her legs, and she moaned loudly, shuddering with arousal. "Because you have such a pretty mouth, baby—and just the _thought_ of you giving me head makes me hard."

"Then keep thinking about it," she advised him, giving her hips one wicked thrust that had him groaning too. "One more strawberry?"

He reached over and plucked another one from the tray, taking a bite before he fed the rest to her. He placed the hull on the tray and she grabbed his hand, parting her lips and sucking his fingers, licking every trace of chocolate off; his hips jolted in answer. Once she gently shoved his hand away, she looked up at him with low-lashed eyes and slick lips. "On your back, handsome," she ordered him in a sultry growl.

He reached down and cupped her ass, then rolled onto his back. She settled over him, fusing her lips to his as she ground against his erection, and he smacked her ass in retaliation for the teasing. She chuckled against the kiss, pulling back only enough to gaze into his eyes, her breasts and hips still pressed against him.

"You had your turn," she told him. "I tied the knot, this time."

She reached up and grasped the tie, giving it a little tug, and his cock throbbed in answer. "You did, gorgeous," he agreed. "And you should definitely show me who's boss. Starting with riding me like your own personal stallion."

"I'd say you're overconfident, but..." She reached down and grasped him, pretending to measure his girth and length, like she wasn't intimately familiar with every inch of his cock. Then she pushed herself up on her knees, kissing his earlobe before she breathed into his ear, "I'm getting so fucking wet at the thought of this," she gave him a little squeeze and he shuddered, "inside me... _mmmm_..."

She angled him between her legs, closing her eyes and moaning in pleasure as she rubbed the head of his cock against her clit. He reached up and cupped her breasts, massaging her nipples with his thumbs, and she bowed her head, the silken tips of her hair brushing against his cheeks. "You look so damn sexy right now," he growled.

"So do you," she moaned, bringing her head back up. Then she released his cock with a shudder and gripped the tie again, arching as he kept fondling her breasts. "Mmm. That feels so good..."

"You know what would feel even better?" he murmured, and she opened her eyes, chuckling as he reached down and gave her clit a few rapid strokes with his thumb. "To let me fill you up, gorgeous, so tight and sweet..."

She released the tie and opened her legs wider, guiding the tip of his cock to her entrance. As she slowly sank onto him, they both groaned loudly. 

"God, that's it," Nancy moaned, her head tipped back and her hair spilling down her back. Ned watched her eyes close in pleasure.  "So good."

He gripped her hips in his palms. "Move, baby," he urged. 

She began to rock up and down, and Ned thoroughly enjoyed feeling how wet and snug she was around him. He flipped up the end of his tie and started to run it over her tight pink nipples, and Nancy rewarded him with sighs and moans.

"Yes," she panted, and he felt another jolt of arousal when she squeezed her inner muscles around his cock. 

"Fuck yeah," he growled, slipping his fingers to where they were joined to stroke her clit again. 

Her breasts bounced as she moved faster, and he craned his head forward to lick the tips, alternating between using his mouth and his tie to stimulate her. 

Nancy took him even deeper inside her. "That's it, baby," he coaxed her. "Take my cock all the way into that sweet, hot pussy.  You know you love to fuck me, baby, and you look so fucking sexy." He moved one hand to her ass and gave it another firm smack. 

"God," she whimpered. "Do that again." 

Ned slapped her ass harder this time, and she responded by moving even faster. 

"I love to fuck you and I love it when you slap my ass. Feels sooo good."

"Baby, please tell me you're close," he begged, smacking her ass. It was taking everything in him not to come.

"Almost," Nancy panted, squeezing around him again, and his eyes rolled back at the pleasure of it. "Oh, oh _God..._ "

He began to fondle her clit more rapidly, circling it with his thumb, and she let out a loud cry. She reached behind her, propping up her weight on the heels of her hands and bucking against him in more rapid thrusts, and when he felt her shift her weight so she could use her own fingers to help stroke her clit, he groaned loudly. "That's right, baby, _come..._ "

"Ned," she whined. "Oh my God oh my God _ohmigod yessssss!_ "

Her pussy clenched hard around him, in time with every stroke of their fingers; he grabbed her hand and arched up so he could suck and lick the trace of her arousal off her fingertips, still rapidly fondling her clit, and she circled her hips, fucking him rapidly as her sobbing cries became screams of pleasure. When her hips and shoulders jolted, when her scream was so high it was silent, he grasped her hips and held her to him, spending his seed in her again. She shuddered, and when she grasped the tie again he didn't understand why, until she gave it a sharp tug and he used the last of his strength to push himself up. She gave him a long, slow, sweet kiss as soon as he was close enough, the taste of her arousal still on his tongue, and he wrapped his arms around her, her skin damp and hot against his.

"Mmm," she moaned, and he ran his hand over her hair, groaning when her hips shifted and his angle changed inside her. She was so tight and slick around him, and he had never tired of being able to put that look on her face, the flushed cheeks, parted lips, knit brows, like she was still caught in the grips of such pure, delirious pleasure that she could die. She seemed to melt against him, panting against his neck as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Holy shit, Nan."

"Yeah," she sighed, and kissed his neck before she pulled back.

He kept his arms around her as he laid back down, and she made a soft noise. "On my back," she murmured, and began to push herself off him. "So gravity helps."

He nodded and pushed himself up, stifling a yawn; once he had cleaned them both up, she was shivering, and she made a soft contented sound when he pulled the blanket up over her, then joined her beneath it.

 "So, do you think it worked?" Nancy asked.

Ned laughed, which turned into another yawn. "Part of me hopes so, so that we can have our baby nine months from now. However, there is a part of me that wishes it'll take a little time for us to conceive, so we can keep practicing like we just did."

She smirked. "I can guess which part _that_ is." Her hand stole under the covers to graze his now-soft cock. 

"Can you blame me? I've heard that once we have the baby, there won't be a whole lot of time—or energy—for sex."

"Does that make you want to change your mind?" She hated hearing the anxiety that had crept into her voice.  

Ned shifted onto his side and tenderly stroked her hair. "Baby, of course not. I've already told you that I can't wait for us to become parents, and I meant it. Once it actually happens, we'll find a way to be together. I know you'll be exhausted for the first few months and you'll need time to heal, but when you're ready again, we'll figure it out."

"But everything'll be different," she blurted out. Suddenly all of the fears she'd had when she'd wanted to ask Ned about trying for a baby came rushing back to her. "My body'll be different, we won't be able to go places on the spur of the moment, we'll have to figure out how to juggle our jobs if the baby gets sick—"

Ned lightly gripped her shoulders. "Whoa, take it easy there, Drew. Different isn't always bad."

The tender look in his eyes made Nancy already start to feel foolish. "I know, but…" she started to mumble. 

"But what?" he interrupted. "Nan, stop getting yourself all worked up. Yes, our lives will change. Okay, we won't be able to make plans to go to Vegas for a long weekend on a whim, or have sex wherever and whenever we feel like it, or go on stakeouts together. But we can still do those things, when the kid's old enough. You know that our parents will be more than happy to babysit. 

"And if the baby's sick, we'll figure something out—whichever one of us happens to be available will take it to the doctor. If we're both busy at work," he added when she opened her mouth to speak, "then I'm sure that Hannah or my mom or one of our friends would be glad to help out. You aren't going to be doing this alone, Nan. We'll be in it together."

"Thank you," she whispered, her lower lip quivering. "I know it's dumb, but I just needed some reassurance."

"I want to be actively involved in our kid's life, sweetheart. We've waited so long, and I want to be a hands-on dad."

She snuggled against his shoulder, feeling intensely relieved. "That's one of the many reasons why I love you."

He kissed her lips. "By the way, you should know that I know your body will be different after you get pregnant, but you'll be gorgeous to me because you're carrying our child. So please don't worry about that or worry about eating, sweetheart. I don't want you to be anxious about your weight again. You will always be beautiful to me, Nancy. I just want you and the baby to be healthy; that's all I care about."

Nancy smiled, marveling for the millionth time at how perceptive her husband could be. He'd picked up on a fear that she hadn't even been able to put into words herself.  In the back of her mind, she _had_ worried that once she started gaining weight during her pregnancy, Ned would reject her and start mentally comparing her to the other women who always seemed to be throwing themselves at him. 

"Thank you," she repeated, kissing him back. "I know you love me, but it was nice to hear."

"And don't worry. I'll be right there along with you, eating ice cream and beef jerky or pickles and peanut butter at three in the morning when you get those cravings."

She giggled.  "What'll happen when someone asks you which trimester _you're_ in?"

Ned swatted at her leg. "Hush, Drew. I'm trying to be supportive." 

Nancy dropped a kiss on his lips. "I know you are, and I love you for it, Nickerson."

"So let's start focusing on the good changes," he decided. "Think about the baby's first Christmas, when there'll be thousands of presents under the tree for a kid who won't even know where their toes are yet." She laughed. "Or the first time the baby walks to you or me. Or hearing our child's laugh for the first time, or their first word. Since you'll be the mom, I'm already wondering if it'll be 'suspect' or 'clue' or 'witness'."

She had already felt herself becoming emotional from his words; now Nancy started to laugh, even as she was sniffling. "Well, since you'll be the dad, it's entirely possible that the baby's first word could be 'football' or 'basketball' or 'baseball' or 'Emerson'." 

Ned chuckled. "You're right," he conceded. "But my main point is that I can't be sad about what we'll potentially be missing out on, not when there'll be so much exciting stuff happening in its place. And the best part of it all?" He leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers. "That we'll get to experience it together."

"I'm so happy that you're happy about this, too," she murmured. 

Drawing back, he gently ran the side of his finger underneath her eye to catch a stray tear.  "Nancy Drew, I have wanted to have a family with you since I was a kid myself. I am beyond happy right now." 

 "So am I," she told him, her heart almost bursting with relief and pure, simple joy. "So am I, Ned Nickerson."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 by ndnickerson.

Nancy arched her back with a sigh as she waited with the other passengers for the first-class section to deplane, her laptop bag slung across her chest. Beads of water streaked across the small windows as rain was lashed against the plane, and a violent gust of wind rocked everyone slightly; a little groan went up. Thanks to the cold front, the flight had been delayed out of Calgary—and the last leg of it hadn't been too smooth, either. Two irate toddlers traveling with harried mothers had voiced their displeasure over the turbulence with loud wails, and Nancy had heard the mothers' soothing voices as they spoke to their children, _and_ their desperation when the flight attendants had approached with juice boxes and treats to help distract them.

Nancy ran her fingertips over her hip, then brushed them over her belly. The tracker she'd had implanted ached a little at the change in pressure and the storm front, and she had just finished her period. She had been disappointed at the sure sign that she and Ned hadn't yet become pregnant again, but it wasn't all bad. This way she and Ned could indulge in the mulled hard cider or Irish coffee during the Thanksgiving gatherings coming up in a few days.

Nancy smiled as she saw one of the formerly wailing toddlers hoisted up on his mother's hip, with his head against her shoulder. Wisps of blond hair curled from beneath his stocking cap, and his thumb was hanging half out of his pursed mouth. Long lashes curled above his reddened cheeks.

Though the smile lingered for a moment, Nancy's fingers stroked the front of her rust-colored sweater again. She and Ned would be surrounded by toddlers and children at the Nickerson family gathering on Thursday. A part of her had hoped that even if she and Ned couldn't make a formal announcement then, they would at least have the comfort of knowing that their own child would be in their arms the next year, that Ned's cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents would be cooing over his or her tiny fingers and baby-yawns.

Nancy gave her head a little shake as the line finally lurched into motion and the passengers began to move toward the gate. She'd had a late night, and she had jumped on the first available flight home, afraid that if she delayed too long, everything would be full of people heading home for the holidays. She couldn't remember the last time she had been able to savor a tall cup of delicious rich coffee, and the cold vitamin water in the airport while she had been waiting for the flight to board hadn't done anything at all to help her mood. She wanted to fall into bed and sleep for the next six hours, and she had her boss's blessing; the client had paid handsomely for Nancy to track down the woman she had finally located in a high-rise in Calgary. Because she and Ned were trying to get pregnant again, Nancy had been working as hard as she could when she was on her period, and during the times when she knew for sure she wasn't pregnant. She would be on restricted duty soon enough.

She had just walked into the airport from the skyway when her phone pinged with incoming messages. She waited until she was at the baggage claim to check it.

One message was from Ned, in response to the last one she had sent him when the plane had finally started boarding, wishing her a safe trip home. One was an email  notification from George.

The third was a simple text. _Free for lunch on Tuesday?_

Nancy had pulled it up to reply to it when she looked at the name again, and her eyes widened. She had expected a message like that from Bess; Bess loved to plan strategy for Black Friday in advance, and coordinate so they were able to catch all the best deals. George had been trying to convince her cousin to call off the trip and settle for online deals for years now, but Nancy had missed the previous year's trip, and Bess's level of excitement was off the charts.

The question about lunch wasn't from Bess, though. It was from Heather.

The blood drained from Nancy's face in one swift fall, and she swallowed.

Nancy had been working hard, but so had Ned. Many of the agency's clients preferred to roll out splashy holiday advertising campaigns, and coordinating copy and images across multiple platforms for a successful simultaneous launch took a lot of energy and attention. The partners were keeping a close eye on the bottom line, and while they had hired some staff to fill the gaps, Ned was doing a lot of the work himself. He had hated to miss meals with her, and hated going back on their agreement that they wouldn't fall into those same bad habits—but, as they had discussed, the holiday campaigns were a huge part of his business, and his long hours weren't going to last forever. A few times, when she could, Nancy had even packed a little dinner for two and taken it up to his office so they could eat together, and she had found him just the way she had hoped and prayed he would be: dark hair rumpled but dark eyes alight, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and tie loosened, a dozen windows open on his computer screen and scrawled design concepts on his desk. And he had been stone-sober, surviving on coffee and energy drinks and the occasional fast-food order Heather forced him to eat, and happy to see his wife when she walked in with their dinner.

One of those nights, they hadn't been able to resist the urge to fuck on his desk. The memory was bittersweet, because she could so clearly remember having sex with him in the Los Angeles office, how desperate she had been to hold onto him, to bask in his attention and love, even if it was only for a few minutes.

But Brittney wasn't Carly, and his long hours at NMC weren't meant to disguise a burgeoning affair or a resurgence of his substance abuse problems. She knew that. She knew that with all her heart, because he had _promised,_ and all that was in their past.

But Heather's text message sent a cold thread of fear through her heart.

_Could do late lunch today, or lunch tomorrow,_ Nancy replied, checking her watch. She needed to pick up her car, and she wasn't sure how coherent she would be if she wasn't able to grab a nap before her conversation with Heather. _Which is better?_

_Either. Heading out Tues night so I'm flexible._

Nancy paused. She knew she would be a nervous wreck if she spent twenty-four hours wondering why her husband's executive assistant was contacting her. _Today at 1 ok?_

Once they had agreed to meet at Mercadito, Nancy had found her car and loaded her luggage. The November wind had left her fingers and toes ice-cold, and the sky was gunmetal gray and ominous. She cranked the heat as high as it would go once she started her car, shivering as she began to thaw out.

Before she pulled out of her parking space, though, she tapped her husband's name in her phone's contacts list. If he was in an important meeting with a client or on a call, she knew he wouldn't answer, but she wanted to speak to him. She had been disappointed to miss a weekend with him, and even though she didn't expect to see him until late that night, it was a relief to even be in the same city again.

"Hey babe."

Nancy sighed with relief when his baritone voice came through the speakers in her car. "Hey honey," she said. "Just landed and I'm headed home now. Thought I might take a nap. How's your day going?"

"Great, now that I know you're back and safe," he said. "I missed you so much."

"Even though you were probably camped out at the office all weekend," she replied, trying to keep her tone light. "I missed you too, honey. How late are you expecting to be tonight?"

He heaved a sigh, and she could almost see him running his fingers through his hair. "Not sure yet, but it's really tempting to just go home at five and pray that I somehow can work twenty hours on Tuesday to get everything done. That'd be a bad idea, right?"

"Definitely," she confirmed, merging onto the highway. "Once I get a little rest, I'll make us something for dinner or grab some takeout and come see you, okay? I miss you."

"That sounds great, honey. If Chris and Daniella are still here, maybe we can split a few pizzas—and then you and I can take a little relaxation break together before I have to get back to work."

"Deal." Nancy pressed her lips together for a second. "Love you, Ned."

"Love you too, Nan. I'll see you later."

None of the alarm bells had gone off when she had spoken to him. He sounded a little tired, but it was Monday morning and he had worked hard all weekend. He hadn't dissuaded her from coming to see him. He had told her that he loved her. He didn't sound guilty or overly attentive. Nancy sighed, tapping on her steering wheel.

She hadn't known that Ned was cheating on her before, but she had also been willfully ignorant. Now? Oh, it was just as hard to believe he might be indulging a flirtation with someone else, but for entirely different reasons. Nancy hoped and prayed that whatever Heather wanted to discuss at lunch, it wasn't going to break her heart.

After a nap that had done little to relax her or restore her equilibrium, Nancy dressed in a pair of leggings and a soft blue cashmere sweater and headed into the city. She walked into the restaurant at twelve-fifty-two, still huddled inside her heavy coat.

Nancy had seen Heather a few times since she had made the move to Chicago and started work at NMC, and every time, she couldn't help contrasting the other woman's demeanor to the way it had been in Los Angeles, and in Las Vegas when Ned had approached her about the job. Heather looked happy and confident, when before she had looked wary and nervous. She was dressed warmly, just as Nancy was, but she raised her hand in greeting and gave Nancy a wide grin when she saw her. It definitely wasn't the timid greeting Nancy would have expected if Heather was about to give her some bad news.

"Thanks for meeting me today. I didn't think you'd be able to."

"Well, I can't say that I'm a hundred percent yet, but I thought it might be easier." Nancy's heavy coat was unzipped, but she was finally warm enough to slip out of it. "So what's up, Heather?"

The waiter approached and took their drink orders, and another server dropped off a basket of tortilla chips and a decanter of chunky salsa. Nancy picked up a chip and took a thoughtful bite, studying Heather as she unwrapped her scarf and draped it and her coat over her purse.

"I know maybe it's a little late to be thinking about this, but Ned—Mr.—well, Ned and the other partners have been really busy lately, and I thought you might have some ideas." Heather propped her chin on her hand and gazed into Nancy's face. "It's the first Christmas since the three of them started the agency, and I know it's not appropriate to have some massive holiday blowout, but I could organize something, maybe a luncheon at the office..."

Nancy breathed out in a long sigh. "As long as there's no pool nearby," she chuckled.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing." Nancy waved a hand, as Heather's face cleared; she had realized what Nancy meant. "Ancient history. So that's why you wanted to meet, to pick my brain about the party?"

Heather shrugged. "Mostly. I mean, I've talked to plenty of vendors and caterers since I've moved out here, but I wanted your input. And..." She stirred her straw in her drink once it arrived. "And Ned's been working a lot lately, and I guess I just wanted to let you know that it _has_ been work. I didn't think you were worried..."

Nancy smiled a little. "I wasn't," she admitted. "But it's good to hear that my lack of suspicion wasn't just naïveté this time."

They each ordered a plate of tacos and decided to split an order of flautas, and after the meal Nancy was stuffed and exhausted. She had ordered a water and was really feeling the total absence of caffeine, but she had also relaxed. Heather wanted to plan something nice and present it to the partners for approval before she began coordinating; Nancy thought something low-key might be best, and she also knew that Ned and his partners valued their staff and would want to treat them. She had suggested ordering a variety of cupcakes in different designs for dessert, and if the partners provided turkey and ham, everyone else could provide a side dish or drink. If they had the budget for it, they might consider a fully-catered event.

When her lunch hour was nearly up, Heather glanced at her watch and smiled. "Better get back. I think this is the first time in ages that I haven't just eaten lunch at my desk." She shrugged at Nancy's wide-eyed glance. "It's just easier, and we're coordinating with people on both coasts... but this has been nice. Thanks again for meeting me."

Nancy snatched the check out from under Heather's grasp. "I'll take care of this. And thanks. For—everything."

Heather nodded and picked up her scarf. "And good luck, by the way. I think once the partners are able to hire a few more people, they'll be home a lot more... and I'm sure you'll want him home."

Nancy raised her eyebrows. "I'm sorry?" she asked, her voice still warm.

Heather chuckled and waved her hand, a faint blush rising in her cheeks. "I'm sorry. It's just—well, I keep track of his calendar, and he put in little notes to himself when you two would be, uh... trying. I mean, they're not—they're little innocent notes, but I put a few clues together, and... I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

Nancy smiled. "It's all right. I just... well, we didn't want to say anything, but I didn't know he was—making little reminders. That's actually kinda sweet."

Heather shrugged. "I'm just so glad that it's now," she said. She looked like she wanted to say something else, but she looked down for a second, then back up at Nancy. "He's going to make a really sweet dad."

A lump rose in Nancy's throat, and she nodded, forcing a smile. "I think so, too," she murmured.

She managed to keep herself under control until she slid into the driver's seat of her car, and then she gripped the steering wheel in her gloved hands and closed her eyes. When she and Ned had planted the lilies and had their small, private service for the child they had lost, only one thought had truly comforted her, and she thought of it again.

_Mom, please watch over my baby for me._

It made her feel a little better, as much as anything did. She was still jealous and bitter when she saw snapshots of their friends' children, especially the ones who would have been about their child's age, on Facebook and elsewhere. Intellectually, she understood that she and Ned had been in no position to take care of themselves, much less a baby. That didn't help the pain, though.

Then she opened her eyes again and turned the key in the ignition.

The Nickersons asked everyone to bring a dish for Thanksgiving dinner to accompany the massive turkeys and hams they prepared for the gathering, and so when Nancy went to the grocery store, she bought the ingredients for a double batch of rigatoni with three-cheese sauce, Italian sausage and diced tomatoes. She had made it a few years ago and everyone had loved it, and if she made a large batch, she and Ned would likely have plenty left over to take home. She went down the baking aisle and picked up the ingredients for salted pecan caramel pumpkin pie, and then the ingredients for meatloaf and mashed potatoes. On her way to the checkout, she tossed a package of pre-made peanut butter chocolate chip cookie dough into the cart, too. She was in the kitchen preheating the oven to make the cookies when Bess called to talk about their Black Friday plans, and she was in a better mood when she talked to Ned and then called in their pizza order.

Heather was actually still at the office when Nancy walked in. The lobby had been decorated with a group of kitschy porcelain pumpkins on a bed of multicolored leaves, but everything else looked clean and modern. She saw Chris in the conference room with another man, both of them staring at their phones and exchanging what seemed to be potential taglines. The light was still on in Daniella's office. Heather was just calling to Ned about the programmers finding a glitch in a contest entry form, and when she saw Nancy, she gave her a smile.

"Nice to see you."

"Nice to see you, too. Pizza?"

"All right!" Heather smiled and headed for the conference room. "C'mon, time for a break!"

She took the pizzas out of Nancy's hands on her way, and Nancy tapped on Ned's open office door, then pushed it a foot and stepped in. Ned was just standing, and when he saw her, a grin lit his handsome face.

"Hey, beautiful."

"Hey," she said with a smile, and when Ned met her halfway, swept her up and held her close, she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him in return. "Missed you."

"Missed you too." His cheek brushed against hers, and when she felt his stubble against her skin, she chuckled and squirmed to get away. "Aww. My girl doesn't want to cuddle?"

"I'd love to, but I think you'd probably like dinner first." She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek, above the stubble of his five-o'clock shadow.

The partners were planning on working a full day on Tuesday, but most of the staff had been given Wednesday through Sunday off, and Ned had told her he and the other partners were likely only working a half-day on Wednesday. Nancy's father had invited her and Ned to join him and Adriana for dinner at his house on Wednesday night, and one of Hannah's "old friends" was visiting and would be in attendance, too. Nancy was planning to go over a few hours early and help Hannah with the last-minute preparations, and Ned was going to join them as soon as he left the office.

Daniella, Chris, and Ned were all in good spirits that night, though. Nancy had made sure one of the pizzas was entirely olive-free, and between the six of them they easily decimated all of the meal. Daniella insisted that she could only have a slice, but when Nancy produced the chocolate chip peanut butter cookies, she ate one too. The guy who had been working with Chris in the conference room was named Conrad, and Nancy saw Conrad's face light up when Ned praised one of the campaigns the younger man had helped create.

The launch parties and events she had attended with Ned in Los Angeles had been overblown, boisterous affairs, but under all the laughter and jokes, Nancy had been able to feel the edge, and it had always left her anxious and irritated. She had heard Ned's stories about casual sexism and rampant alcoholism even when he had been working at the Chicago branch, and she hadn't been pleased about that.

When she looked at the people around the conference table, though, she felt none of that. Daniella had her sleeves rolled up and her hair was mussed from running her fingers through it, and she was barefoot. She and Heather cracked jokes, and neither looked uncomfortable at being there so late. When her phone rang twenty minutes later and she announced that Joseph intended to come kidnap her if she wasn't on her way home soon, she said her goodbyes and promised to see them all in the morning, and Nancy didn't hear any disparaging comments about her once she was gone, or any comments about whether she was sober enough to drive after a day at the office. Nor did she expect them.

Nancy had known that starting their own agency would mean a lot of pressure, but from the beginning the three of them had agreed that the atmosphere and their philosophy would be different, and Nancy was incredibly glad. Ned was doing what he loved, and he wasn't in an environment that would easily trigger his problems again.

Chris received a call from Maura soon after, and Heather and Conrad thanked Nancy for providing dinner and began to pack up. Ned headed back to his office and Nancy followed; she was tired, and Ned looked tired too.

"Honey, go on home," he told her when she came in. "I'll be there soon. I need to finish up a couple of emails, but anything else can wait until the morning."

She nodded, but kept walking until she was behind his desk with him. He had already started organizing the notes, papers, galleys and proofs on his desk into stacks. She stood behind his chair and leaned down to wrap her arms around him in a brief hug, and kissed his temple. "I'm really proud of you," she told him softly. "I miss you, but I understand, and I love you."

He cupped his hand over hers, giving it a little squeeze, then turned to look up at her. "That means a lot to me. I love you too, Nan."

Three photographs were framed and displayed next to his desk. One was a group photo from their vow renewal over the summer, and showed them with their parents in the backyard of their house. One was a photo of the three partners with grins on their faces and an engraved plaque displaying the official first date of business for their company. The third photo was Nancy alone, on their original wedding day.

Soon, she thought, maybe he would have photographs of their children, too; maybe he would pin up their earnest scrawled artwork and spelling tests topped with gold achievement stars. He would be just as proud as, if not more than, Chris was of his own children.

When she leaned down again, Ned met her lips with his and gave her a soft, slow kiss, and she was glowing a little when she stood up. "I'd better let you finish up," she said softly.

"It won't be long. I'll see you soon."

She yawned during her entire commute back to their house, and when she walked in, it was hard not to just collapse into the first chair she found. She dragged herself upstairs and forced her eyes open long enough to wash her face and brush her teeth; she had missed her husband and she wanted to stay awake at least until he was home. She had missed making love with him, too, but just staying awake seemed like a more realistic goal. Stifling another huge yawn, she pulled a long-sleeved waffle-knit sleep shirt out of her drawer and tugged it over her head. The tails fell to her knees, but even that wasn't enough to keep the chill off her bare legs. Shivering, she dove beneath the covers, burrowing into the pillow with a happy groan. She had time to register the fact that she hadn't even turned the overhead light off, but that was all, before she had fallen asleep.

The next time her eyes opened, the light was off, and a warm body was cuddled against hers. Ned's chest was against her back, and her nightshirt had ridden up; his hand was beneath, low on her belly, skin against skin. He was so exhausted that she could hear his quiet, even breath; he wasn't even snoring. Nancy made a soft noise and shifted, cupping her hand over his and feeling the curve of his wedding band, and fell asleep again with her lips curved up into a small smile.

In the morning, Nancy blinked into the pale blue light of dawn and shivered; the comforter had slipped down and her shoulders were bare. She rolled onto her back, her elbow coming down toward the mattress—

" _Ow!_ "

Immediately Nancy scooted away from Ned. "Sorry, oh God I'm sorry—"

Ned groaned, cradling his side. "Mmmm. Shit. Well, that was better than an alarm," he muttered, his voice rough and gravelly with sleep. "But you owe me now..."

She sensed what he was about to do and tried to scramble, but Ned rolled on top of her, pinning her down, and snaked his hands under the hem of her sleep shirt to tickle her ribs. "Noooo," she moaned, squirming as she began to laugh and try to buck him off her.

"Mmm. You're right. I didn't get to count all your fingers and toes last night," he murmured, but then he blew a raspberry against her neck and she howled and squirmed again.

"Please, please! Truce!"

Nancy's legs had parted and Ned's hips were resting against the join of her thighs. He pulled back and looked down at her, and she was still gasping her breath back, but the grin on her face faded when she saw the light in his eyes.

"Truce," he said softly, and leaned down. She tensed, but what she felt against her neck was a slow, sweet kiss. He nuzzled and brushed his lips down the line of her throat, and she arched when he began to pull her nightshirt up.

"Mmm," she moaned once he had slipped the shirt off her and nuzzled and caressed his way down to her breasts. She was sure he didn't need the hint, but she slid her palms down his sides to the elastic of his boxers and worked her fingers beneath, stretching them so she could push his underwear down without catching his erection.

"Mmm. I've missed you too," he murmured, and she felt the hardness of his erection against her thigh as he pulled her nipple into his mouth and began to stroke it with his tongue. Nancy's lashes fluttered down and she ran her fingers through his hair, her other hand against his shoulder blades, angling her hips. She wasn't sure, but she thought she must have dreamed of him; she was already slick and tender between her thighs.

He licked and suckled and nuzzled against her nipples until she was rocking against him, seeking the friction of touch against her sex, and she groaned in frustration when his alarm went off. When he groaned too, rolling off her to silence it, Nancy slipped her panties off and reached for him as soon as he turned the alarm off. "Please," she begged him, her legs open again; she was shivering a little in the cooler air.

He turned to her and she tugged against his hand, urging him back to her. "Please, fill me up," she moaned. "Come inside me."

He pushed his underwear off and took his time perching on top of her, and she gazed up at him, her heart beating harder. His biceps and pecs strained, supporting his weight; his broad shoulders and chest narrowed slightly to his waist, and she traced the dark hair that trailed down from his navel to his cock.

He was the most handsome man she had ever seen, and even after so many years together, even after so much, she still felt a little thrill at being exposed and vulnerable to him, at seeing the desire in his eyes. He lowered himself to her even as she arched to accept him, and she moaned when the underside of his cock rubbed against the slick lips of her sex, when he nuzzled against her neck again, his tongue grazing her skin. She wrapped herself around him, her lips parting, stroking his hair as he ground himself against her.

He waited until she was whimpering, begging, planting soft kisses against the base of his neck, pressing her palm against the small of his back to urge him down to her. She shuddered with every stroke of his hips, moaning when he rubbed against her clit, and when he worked two fingers inside her and groaned at finding her wet, she clenched her inner flesh tight around him.

"Please," she moaned, and she arched, tipping her head back when he rubbed his fingers, wet with her arousal, against her clit. "Oh, _Ned..._ "

"Yeah," he growled, and nipped at her neck. "God, I love it when you're begging for it..."

"Fuck me," she gasped, shifting the angle of her hips. "Oh please, please..."

"Nancy," he whispered, and she gasped when he angled his cock and barely brushed against her entrance. "Baby, I missed you so much..."

She shuddered when he began to move inside her, when he rubbed against her clit again. Her nails dug against his back and she gasped against his skin, feeling him penetrate her, feeling him join to her. Even the warmth and weight of his breath made her shiver, and when he was fully inside her she relaxed a little, tensing when he pulled out of her for a long, possessive thrust. All of her seemed to contract as he moved inside her again.

She nipped at him, wrapping her legs around his waist and moving against his thrusts, her heart pounding as they made love. She shook when his lips moved against her skin in the faintest kisses, when he fondled her clit, when his skin brushed against her nipples; he kissed her temple and when the glorious pressure of her orgasm built and built in her she cried out, tipping her head back.

"Yeah," Ned grunted, and she dragged her nails down his back. She was so wet that every thrust was audible, and the sensation of him filling her while he rubbed her clit was incredible. Her sex throbbed around him as the tension rose, until it was unbearable, and then he jolted against her and she screamed as she reached her climax and he kept stroking against her almost painfully sensitive skin.

"That's right, baby," he gasped, and Nancy cried out again, her hips jolting against his thrusts, all of her tensing and releasing against him. She shifted and planted her heels against the mattress, rotating and canting her hips, gasping and sobbing as he penetrated her, as he moved in her with long, deep thrusts.

"Come," she begged him with a desperate cry, panting, sobbing as she responded to his touch. Her brow knit as he stroked her clit with a harder swipe. "Come, oh _God,_ it's so good..."

He thrust once more inside her and she strained under him, tensing and relaxing as he reached his own climax and released a hoarse cry. They were both panting, glowing with sweat, and Ned lowered himself to her, sighing as she wrapped her arms around him and held him.

"Mmm," she whispered between gasped breaths. "Oh my God. I have been so fucking wet just thinking about this..."

"Right back at you," he murmured against her ear, then nuzzled her earlobe. "Good practice?"

"Mmm-hmm," she murmured, and ran her fingers through his hair. "Very good practice."

"And you don't have to go to work today?"

"Nope." Her lashes drifted down.

"Hmm." He kissed her temple. "Well, you deserve it, Nan. I probably don't say it often enough, but I'm proud of you, too. It drives me crazy when I think about you being in danger, but you really are an incredibly brave, smart, resourceful detective. When you're away I miss you so much, but I understand. And I love you."

She gazed up at him, her eyes shining. Ned had never bothered disguising the way he felt about her job, but sometimes it was easy to forget that, once upon a time, he had admired her perseverance and determination instead of cursing it. He was afraid for her, but he didn't insist that she give up her detective work, even though sometimes she had sensed that he wanted to.

"I love you too," she whispered.

He leaned down and kissed her gently one more time, and she closed her eyes again. "And now I'd better start getting ready," he sighed.

"I'll make you some breakfast before you go," she told him.

She only stopped long enough to find her robe, a pair of flannel pants, and slippers before she went downstairs. The house was cool, and she turned up the heat before she went into the kitchen, considering what she could make for him.

Ned came downstairs freshly showered and dressed in a pale-gray button-down with his dark-blue suit just as Nancy was pulling the skillet out of the oven. "Mmm," he murmured, his tie in his hands. "Smells great, honey."

She gave him a small grin when she saw the loose ends of his tie. "You mixed it up," she told him. "The tie is the only thing you _should_ be wearing, not the only thing you aren't."

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her from behind, nuzzling against the crown of her head. "And if you keep talking like that, I'll be tempted to work from home today," he murmured against her scalp. She closed her eyes when he untied her robe and slipped his hands beneath. "So what smells so good?"

"Let's see... leftover baked potato, some spinach that looked like it was about to turn, monterey jack, sun-dried tomatoes, a handful of mushrooms, the last of the leftover rotisserie chicken... and a lot of eggs."

The frittata had come out of the pan with no problem, and after she had given it a few minutes to set, she sliced it into wedges and served them each a generous amount. The coffee maker had already turned on to brew Ned's first cup of the day, and the scent of it almost made Nancy wet with envy. She looked down at her mug of caffeine-free herbal tea with a sigh.

"Wow, babe. This is really good," Ned told her as he forked up another bite.

"Glad you like it. What'd you eat for breakfast while I was out of town, Pop-Tarts?"

He shrugged an apology. "What can I say? Those brown-sugar ones on a cold morning..."

She smiled. "Have to make sure you have plenty of energy today so you can get home to me before midnight," she said, and took a sip of her tea. "I think I'll make meatloaf for dinner, so you can reheat it whenever you get back."

Ned actually moaned quietly in anticipation. "Or maybe I'll tell everyone I have reservations somewhere for dinner with you, and then I can come home and we can eat together. Or we could actually _make_ reservations. I feel bad—you just came back from a business trip and I know you're already planning on making something for Thursday..."

She shrugged. "I don't mind being the domestic goddess every now and then," she told him. "Besides, now I really want meatloaf. I'll get you to take me out this weekend when we're both sick of leftovers, and with any luck, all your clients will be in their turkey comas and leaving you alone."

"We can dream," he said with a smile. "All right, honey. Sounds good."

Once he had finished his breakfast, he rose to put his dish in the dishwasher. "Babe? I can make you some half-caf, if you want... and we have some of that hazelnut creamer you like..."

Nancy swallowed the last bite of her frittata and groaned. "God, don't tempt me..."

"It's Thanksgiving," he pointed out. "Just one cup, and you can go off it again next week..."

Nancy groaned again. "Oh, all right," she sighed, rising to put away the remains of their breakfast. "But you owe me."

Ned chuckled. "Oh?" he asked, finding the appropriate container in the pantry to make her coffee.

"Mmm-hmm. If you're going to get me caffeinated..." She quirked one eyebrow up at him. "You really should take advantage of it."

He slotted the container into the coffee maker, and once it had begun to gurgle and hiss to itself, he wrapped his arms around her again, burying his face against her neck. "I would love to," he murmured against her skin. "My beautiful, sexy wife. I can't wait until Thursday, when we have all day together."

"And about thirty of your relatives," she commented, her head lolling as he nuzzled against the join of her neck and shoulder. When she felt his tongue flick against her skin, she shuddered. "Though I'm not complaining."

"And you shouldn't. They love you." He nuzzled against her earlobe and she shivered again. "Still planning on going shopping Friday?"

Nancy nodded, sighing in disappointment as the coffee maker clicked off and her husband released her. "Maybe Bess will get tired around noon and we can lounge around for the rest of the day," she commented.

"Mmm. I'll be watching TV and you'll take a nap," he predicted. "And then that night you'll be begging me to pull all the Christmas decorations out of the attic..."

Nancy finished stirring her coffee and took the first sip, then let out a nearly orgasmic moan. "Holy shit," she sighed.

"You like it," Ned said with a grin. "Sounds like we're even."

She swatted at him, the cup secure in her other hand. "Go to work so you can get home early tonight and we can get in some more practice."

"Yes, ma'am," Ned teased her, then kissed her neck again.

After he had left for work, Nancy changed and went down the upstairs hall. Ned had set up the home office, but he had furnished it only with a desk, a wireless printer, notepads and pens, and a spare charger for his laptop. Most of his work was on his laptop or in his head, and in the office itself, she discovered she only needed to tidy up by dusting and taking out the half-full trash bin.

The office was relatively small. After she finished tidying it up, with the garbage bag still in her hand, she walked to the next door, resting her hand on the knob for a few seconds before she turned it.

The office was closer to their bedroom, but the largest non-master bedroom was the room Nancy had always imagined would be their nursery. They had furnished it with the same bed Ned had had in his apartment when they married, and the sight of it always put a small smile on her face. They had made love for the first time, and so many times after, in that bed. She remembered crying herself to sleep in that bed after fights and waking up to find that Ned had made her breakfast in apology. She remembered nights they had both been miserably sick and unable to find any comfortable position. Best of all, though, she remembered lazy Saturday mornings she woke naked in his arms, spending hours wrapped around him, learning how it was to feel the unabated pleasure of making love to him without holding back.

The room was bright, the walls a muted butter-yellow. From the day she and Ned had begun moving in and arranging their furniture, she had been able to imagine it, nascently then: the changing table, the crib, the rocking chair, the small dresser.

Nancy rested her palm over her belly, then smiled faintly. Maybe she and Ned would never be pregnant again, maybe they would adopt a baby—but she was hopeful. They had only just begun to try again, and they had managed to conceive in what had been some of the worst possible circumstances. Now that they were happy and healthy and in a good place, she hoped that maybe they would have a baby by the following Christmas.

That made her think of the decorations Ned had mentioned. A year ago, Christmas had been an ordeal; their relationship had already been strained to the breaking point, and she had been newly pregnant and miserable. Now... now, the thought of a large pine tree bedecked in lights and garlands, the house decorated in holly and gold and burgundy velvet, the cookies and treats and parties, and their promise to take a week off together and just relax... she couldn't wait.

She went downstairs to start on her lunch and to assemble the meatloaf, and she had just patted the meat mixture into the pan so she could refrigerate it when her cell phone began ringing. She hissed a curse; her hands were slick and needed to be scrubbed before she could touch anything. By then, of course, her phone had stopped ringing.

"Hey," Ned answered when she called him back. "Sorry. Did I interrupt you?"

"Just a little. What's up?"

"I can let you go..."

"No, it's all right."

"Okay. Uh, Mike invited me and Howie over to his place on Friday..."

"Night?"

"No, during the day. Jan's going shopping with her mom and Shayna's going with some of her friends and I guess they just wanted some help baby-wrangling while we're watching the game."

Nancy heard Ned sigh. "Well, I know you don't get to see them as much as you'd like," she said lightly. "And that way you can get in some practice changing diapers and acting natural while a baby spits up."

Ned chuckled. "Make me a deal?"

"Hmm?"

"Next year, if we've been lucky enough to have a little one of our own, let me take him or her over there and show them off while you and your girls go shopping."

"It's a deal," she told him, her lips curving up into a small smile.

\--

Ned's cell phone was silent. Somehow, that was more ominous than the alternative.

He checked his watch one more time and sighed. He had told Eason that he needed a reply on the proofs by twelve-fifteen at the latest, and it was now twelve-twenty. _Five more minutes,_ he told himself, but he kept his eye on his laptop screen as he stood and walked over to his coatrack. He hoped that if he touched his fine wool overcoat, it might provoke the email he was waiting for.

He glanced up at a tap on his door. "Last one out?" Chris said with a smile.

Ned nodded with a sigh. "Just waiting on one last email."

"Isn't it always the way," Chris said with a shake of his head. "I'm heading out. Let me know if anything comes up; otherwise, check in on Friday?"

Ned nodded. He, Daniella, and Chris generally met for their traffic meetings on Fridays, just to make sure they were taking care of all their current clients and taking advantage of opportunities with others interested in their firm. While they had plenty on their plate for the Christmas shopping push, New Year's Day sales were right around the corner, and they were all hoping to make a tidy nest egg before the doldrums of winter fully set in. When profits were slowing, advertising budgets were often the first to see slashes.

"All right." Chris grinned. "Have a good mini-break. We sure have a lot to be thankful for this year, I think."

"Definitely," Ned agreed with a nod; his heart rose when his email notification pinged, and Chris gave him another little wave as he walked toward the reception area.

Chris's comment stuck with him as he replied to the client's email, slipped into his coat and turned off the office lights. He had been thinking about it a lot lately.

Less than a year ago, the only thought keeping him sane had been this future, even if his faith that he would ever see it had occasionally flagged. In the days he and Nancy had been separated and he hadn't heard from her, he had been terrified he would never be in a place like this again. Driving back to their home and meeting Nancy so they could have a nice family gathering with her father, without the threat of death hanging over him. Doing what he loved again, and doing it _well_ , so well that he was able to help support his wife and plan for their future together. Knowing that when he went to bed that night, his wife would be in his arms, that he would wake up to her smiling face.

He and his partners had done well. Compared to their previous careers, their billings were scaled down, but he could imagine expanding, even on his pessimistic days. Throughout it all, he and Daniella and Chris kept their eye on the horizon—but one of the things that meant most to him was knowing that Nancy supported him with all her strength. Even when he was feeling low, even when he feared that their luck would turn, Nancy was there to tell him that he was being ridiculous, that they weren't just lucky, that all three of them and especially he were incredible at what they did.

She was sitting at the table in the kitchen when he walked in, and immediately she sprang up, a vaguely anxious smile on her face. "I'm sorry; I was waiting on an email and—"

"It's all right," she told him, shaking her head. "We're fine; I told Hannah it would just be early this afternoon. But you're probably hungry..."

As soon as she said that, his stomach growled. "Well, maybe I should eat a little something," he allowed.

She went to the refrigerator and pulled out the leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes and roasted cabbage. "Go ahead upstairs. I'll heat this while you change."

"Thanks, hon," he said. "Sorry."

She flashed him another smile, this one genuine. "It's fine. I'm just glad you're home."

He came downstairs in slacks and a comfortable navy sweater, and a pair of Italian loafers he had kept from his more opulent Los Angeles wardrobe. Nancy wore a rust-colored sweater shot through with metallic threads and a corduroy skirt, and he saw her twisting the diamond pavé ring on her right ring finger with the fingers of her left hand, in a slight nervous motion.

He came over to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, as she watched his plate rotate in the microwave. "Shh," he murmured. "It's gonna be okay."

"Mmm," she replied, bowing her head a little. "I know. I keep thinking that I'm not even that nervous; Adriana's nice and I know she really loves Dad."

"But it's a change," he pointed out.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Maybe this time next year, she won't just be my dad's girlfriend anymore. And Hannah..."

The microwave pinged, and she reached for the handle. "If Hannah settles down with this 'old friend,' then maybe we'll just have another house to visit over the holidays," he pointed out.

She smiled. "True."

Once they walked into Carson's house and greeted everyone, Nancy went into the kitchen to help Hannah work on their dinner, and Ned shook hands with Hannah's friend, who introduced himself as Russell Howard. "Russ, this is my son-in-law, Ned Nickerson," Carson introduced him.

"Nice to meet you."

Howard was a balding man with a small pot belly, but a genuine smile and twinkling eyes. "And what line of business are you in, Ned? Did Nancy marry a lawyer like her dad?"

Ned shook his head. "I'm in advertising."

As Ned could have predicted, for the next twenty minutes, Russ talked about what he knew about _Mad Men_ and Ned laughed off the comparisons, acutely aware that his father-in-law's eyes were resting on him the majority of the time. Thankfully, Russ seemed to sense that Ned didn't exactly welcome any comparison to the womanizing, at least borderline-alcoholic Don Draper, and he settled into a discussion of how busy the holiday season was for his business and how happy he was in his new partnership. Carson didn't bring up Los Angeles, and neither did Ned, but Ned did feel a glow of conflicted pride when he heard Carson say that his son-in-law had definitely been a star at his former firm, and had walked out while he was still on top.

They saw it as a success story. And Ned only saw it that way now. Back then, it had felt like one of the biggest gambles in his life, and in a way it had been. The barest chance of salvaging his relationship with Nancy had been the reason he had walked out, and Nancy had been the reason he had gone on to follow his dream of starting a new agency.

When she came in to ask if anyone wanted a drink, Ned reached for her hand. She paused in front of him, her blue eyes aglow with interest. "Whatever success I have, I owe to her," he said, looking up into her face. "With her, it means everything; without her, it would mean nothing. And I'm infinitely grateful to be here with her today."

Nancy blushed a little, and Russ chuckled. "I definitely know who I think should do the toasts later," Russ commented. "But I already know that what I'm going to be most thankful for is whatever I smell from the oven right now, _and_ the lovely hands who put it together for us."

Nancy gave a small mock curtsy. "I wish I could take the credit, but Hannah's definitely due all of it," she said.

The meal itself was just as incredible as any Thanksgiving dinner he had been invited to share at the Drew house. After Adriana arrived, Nancy seemed anxious again, and Ned figured out why when all six of them were seated at the dinner table. She was watching Adriana and Hannah intently; Adriana praised everything she tasted, and declared Hannah a complete marvel. Russ said it had been years since he had tasted anything like it—or, he admitted, since the last time he had been able to talk Hannah into cooking for him.

When dessert was finally served, after much groaning and promises that diets would be started as soon as possible, Ned sensed the trap and didn't fall into it. Hannah had made a beautiful chocolate layer cake with a trio of molded pumpkins on top. The other dessert was a salted pecan caramel pumpkin pie. Adriana, Russ, and Carson ooh-ed and ahh-ed over the tall, gorgeous chocolate cake.

"Well, that was one of the best Thanksgiving dinners I've ever had," Ned said. "But I think I only have room for one dessert, for now anyway. And that pumpkin pie looks delicious."

"Then we'll just have to chat and play games until you have room for some chocolate cake too," Hannah said with a smile. "I know it's your favorite."

It was, but the pumpkin pie was a close second, and Ned knew his wife had made it. She gave him a little smile when she served his slice, and after dinner, when they sat down in the living room to talk and play cards, Nancy sat down beside him and snuggled against him.

The gap, the time between—it truly did feel like a dream. This felt like the truth, the only truth he had ever known. Nancy beside him, the warmth in her father's eyes as he looked over at the two of them. Knowing that soon the two of them would have their own family. Carson was already talking about taking a trip around the first of the year, asking if they wanted to come along. Adriana's hand was in his as he talked about it.

He could sense Nancy's tension, and he said that he would check his calendar and find out about the details before they committed themselves. Since they were back in Illinois, Nancy was already talking about hosting a Christmas meal for their families, maybe on Christmas Eve, since she and Ned loved going to the big Nickerson family celebrations on Thanksgiving and Christmas. He knew that they wouldn't be ready to announce a pregnancy then—even if their efforts had been successful by then, they didn't want to jinx it by discussing it too early—but it was a part of bonding with their families again.

Maybe he was often busy, but all the hard work he and the partners were putting in now was going to pay off; it already had. At least he was back where he belonged; at least now the smiles he saw on his wife's face were genuine, and when he went to bed she moved into his arms and snuggled against him and he felt safe.

That night, once they were back at home, Nancy actually sagged a little. He could tell how much weaning herself off caffeine was affecting her, and the shadows of exhaustion under her eyes gave him unpleasant flashbacks. She shivered a little before she moved into the bed with him, teeth freshly brushed, her face scrubbed clean.

"When do we need to be awake?"

"Mmm." Nancy sighed, then slowly opened her eyes again. "Ten. No, nine. Meeting your parents first, right?"

"Mmm-hmm." He moved down and cupped her cheek, then kissed her forehead. "You okay?"

"Mmm-hmm." She had closed her eyes; slowly her lashes drifted up again. "You're mine, aren't you?" she whispered.

"Yeah, honey." He pressed a soft slow kiss against her lips. "Forever. No matter what."

"Mmm." She stroked his cheek, then caught his earlobe between forefinger and thumb and rubbed it gently. "I love you."

"And I love you." He kissed her again. "Go to sleep, sweetheart."

"Yeah," she breathed, then nestled against him, and soon her breaths were soft and even.

He fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, and he was looking forward to catching up on some of the sleep he had lost in the past few weeks, but he still woke earlier than he wanted. Nancy was spooned up with him, her back to his front, and he could feel the rise and fall of her breath under his palm as it rested on her belly.

He closed his eyes and kissed the crown of her head, saying a silent prayer that soon their efforts to conceive another child might be successful, that he would be able to see his wife glowing and happy in her pregnancy. Then he slipped out of bed and found his robe.

He had been planning on bringing her breakfast in bed, but she came downstairs when he was still waiting for the waffle iron to preheat. She was dressed in her robe too, and rubbing sleep out of her eyes. "Mmm?"

"Here," he told her, pouring her a mug of coffee. "I was going to bring you breakfast..."

"Hmm." She raised her eyebrow when she smelled it. "Half-caf?"

"Yep. Just the way you like it."

She took a sip as she walked over to the kitchen table, then sank into her customary seat with a long, almost orgasmic sigh. "God," she murmured. " _And_ the waffle iron?"

"I just thought you might want a break."

By the time he had finished mixing the batter and preparing the first batch of waffles, Nancy had finished half of her coffee and her eyes were bright. "I guess I should go ahead and preheat the oven..."

"I'll do it."

He served her a plate of cinnamon waffles with a pat of butter melting on top and a container of warmed syrup, and she looked down at it with wide eyes. The waffles were a perfect gold, and piping hot. "Mmm. Ned, this looks great."

"Hope it tastes great, too."

He brought a stack of napkins over to the table and she caught his hand in hers. "Hey," she murmured, gazing up at him. "Thanks."

He leaned down and kissed her. "You're here," he murmured. "And out of everything else, I'm most thankful for that."

She smiled. "And _you're_ here," she replied. "I thought I'd lost you, but you're here. And I love you so much, baby."

Since they would be surrounded by children and in a far more casual environment, Nancy dressed in an eggplant-colored sweater and jeans that molded to her curves, and a pair of butter-soft light-brown boots. She was in the kitchen, making sure the big batch of macaroni and cheese she had baked that morning was ready to travel, and Ned came down wearing a patterned black and gold sweater and dark jeans. She glanced up at him, studying his outfit, and when her gaze rose to his face again, she smiled in approval.

"So?"

"Very nice," she said.

"And you look gorgeous, babe." He wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her temple. "Ready?"

"Yeah. Just need to grab my coat..."

On the way up to James's parents' house, Nancy mentioned her intention to have a Christmas meal for their families, and Edith said it sounded like a great idea. Then they lapsed into a discussion about their Black Friday plans; Bess was going out on Thanksgiving afternoon to take advantage of some early doorbusters, but Nancy had said she definitely wasn't going to leave the house before 6 a.m. on the day after Thanksgiving. Edith and James were planning to go out too, but definitely not that early.

Then they pulled up at Ned's grandparents' house, and Ned felt both excited and relaxed. It had been a while since he had been able to make it to a family gathering, thanks to his work and the turmoil the year before, and he was happy to be back.

Everyone greeted them, most of them with warm hugs and grins; Ned's cousins were in attendance, along with all their children and step-children, and his aunts and uncles. The kitchen was a beehive of activity, with women grating cheese and stirring pots on the stove, and calling back and forth about place settings and beverage glasses. Men walked through carrying beers and juice boxes and snatching treats hot out of the oven. It was warm and bustling and loud, and exactly the way it always had been. 

Nancy had been a little lost the first time she had come for the holidays with Ned; her family gatherings had always been quieter and smaller. She took to it now like a natural, though. Ned helped her take her coat off before she waded into the fray in the kitchen, crock pot in her arms, and then set to work helping with the last-minute preparations.

For the guys, the meal was easier. Ned left his own coat on and went out into the backyard. Six toddlers bundled up against the chill were running around, with one carrying around a sun-faded basketball and glancing up at a basketball hoop Ned remembered from when he had been about that age. One little girl had pulled out the rusted Radio-Flyer wagon and was leading around a group of brightly-colored dolls. His grandmother's dog, Rocky, was sprawled but watchful at the edge of the porch, his ponderous jowls resting on his large paws as he kept an eye on the kids. A few of Ned's cousins stood nearby too, in case someone needed to swoop in and bandage a scraped elbow or kiss a newly-forming bruise.

"Hey, Ned! Lunch almost ready?"

"I'm sure it has to be," he told his cousin Rachel. Her dark hair fell in waves down the hood of her fleece-lined jacket and over her shoulders, framing her pale heart-shaped face. "And this must be... Geoffrey?"

The tall man beside her, who looked a few years younger than Ned, was rail-thin where Rachel was rounded and soft, and wore black plastic-rimmed glasses. He extended a hand when Ned offered his. "Geoff, this is my cousin Ned," Rachel introduced them. "Good memory."

He winked. "I do occasionally pay attention when Mom catches me up on everything that's going on."

"That's good, considering you were gone for so long."

"Rache told me—you were out in California?" Geoff asked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Ned nodded. "Moved back... oh, I guess it's been a little under a year, now."

"Bet you didn't see many days like this out there."

"Nope," Ned agreed, sliding his hands into his pockets. "It's really different out there."

"And Laurel said that you didn't even visit her _once_ ," Rachel chided. "Shame on you."

"We were really busy," Ned said, keeping his voice even. "But I'm glad to be back. And I can't believe Melinda's grown so much."

Once the preliminary cry went up inside, calling everyone in to gather before the meal began, Ned helped Rachel and Geoff and Christy and John round up the kids and bring them inside. He took off his coat and left it with the rest, and when he returned to the kitchen, he found his parents helping set up folding tables in the living room. Just then Daphne and Steve came in with their toddlers and a newborn, lugging an oversized diaper bag. Rocky had come inside too, and when Daphne's dark-haired daughter saw the dog, she shrieked in alarm and tried to hide behind her mother, and ended up catching her foot on the armchair and falling down.

"Oh God," Daphne muttered, as the infant in her arms began to squirm. "Isabel, honey..."

"Here," Ned said, stepping forward, and Daphne cast a grateful glance at him as she handed over the newborn and she and her husband tended to Isabel and Leah. Nancy was helping her in-laws set up the folding tables, her reddish-gold hair up in a ponytail and her sleeves rolled up, but when Ned looked up, he saw Nancy gazing at him. He looked from his wife back to the small, almost alien, features of the little boy in his arms. Sleepy blue eyes blinked once at him, and then the infant's eyes closed again. He smelled like baby powder and milk, and Ned felt him flex and stretch a little before he relaxed.

He knew Nancy was standing there before he looked up again; he had seen it in her face, the fascination that was strong enough to overwhelm the jealousy and hurt.

This could have been them. Some version of them, anyway. Maybe if he unwound the tangle of their past, if he had refused the promotion and the move to Los Angeles and stayed in Chicago with Nancy, maybe this would have been them.

"Oh," Nancy whispered, and when Ned looked up at her again, he could feel that his face had become almost wooden, and he saw tears gleaming in Nancy's eyes.

"Do you want to hold him?"

She shook her head, her arms wrapping over her midsection before she reached up and swiped impatiently at her eyes. "No, it's okay," she murmured. "I just..."

He understood. He felt the same way. No matter how much it hurt, he couldn't look away. He adjusted the blanket, the baby's head cradled by the support of his arm, and Nancy reached up and very gently stroked the baby's miniature fist.

He didn't know how long he held Daphne's newborn—maybe two minutes, if that—but after that, it was hard not to look at the children around them, and he stayed near Nancy as much as he could. They served their plates and settled at one of the folding tables, near more of Ned's cousins, and the conversation between all of them was perpetually interrupted by a thousand things: a request for more juice or a cookie, a hissed demand for a child to put a toy or game away, the chirp of a cell phone, a quick check of the game's current score. They reminisced about past Thanksgivings and family gatherings, telling stories about all the trouble they had gotten into—or nearly gotten into—as kids, fishing with their grandfather in the stream, exploring the dusty mysterious barn. His aunts and uncles and cousins were dressed in everything from sweatshirts and jeans to cashmere sweaters and pearls; some stayed at home and took care of the children, some went to work much the same way Ned did in Chicago. Ned's mother had told him that Rachel was working as a makeup artist, and Martin and two of his college buddies had started planning to open a brewery. When Ned was talking to Martin during the leisurely, slow disassembly and cleanup time, he asked him to come by the firm when he was ready to start marketing.

After the meal, the children were running off their sugar highs in the yard, whooping and chasing each other. Inside, the adults collapsed on the couches and talked about work and Christmas and all they had been up to, and Ned listened for a while, smiling when people told him again that they were glad to see him and Nancy back home where they belonged. He hugged his grandfather, gave his grandmother a kiss on the cheek and told her that her chocolate pecan pie had been incredible. He promised he and Nancy would be back for Christmas, and his grandmother smiled and said they were both happy to see him and Nancy.

He wondered, so briefly, what they would do, how they would react, if they knew who he had been in Los Angeles, what his life had been like, the truth of how terrible the state of his marriage had been. That idle dream, when he had been so close to letting it all slip through his fingers, of bringing Carly into his life—but he knew it now. Once the rift had happened, once he and Nancy had been at odds with each other, he had done everything he could to ignore it and salve the pain, and he had no doubt that he'd be dead by now. An overdose of coke, a speedball, heroin; a night of drinking, then a crash through a guardrail or into a canyon. Carly wouldn't have been able to satisfy him for long, because the woman who made him whole, who had captured his whole heart, was here. All that could have distracted him from the hurt of losing his wife would only have been more hurt, more and more, to make himself numb while he slowly bled to death for want of her.

He found his father talking to two of his uncles on the front porch; he found his mother and his wife out back watching the kids run around. Nancy's eyes were gleaming and his mother had her arm around Nancy's shoulders. When they saw Ned, Nancy wiped her eyes and his mother gave him a smile.

"We'll probably head back soon," his mother said. "Everything okay, Ned?"

Ned nodded, reaching for Nancy's hand; she laced her fingers through his. "You two okay?"

Nancy nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

"And you're all right, Ned?"

He met his mother's eyes and saw sympathy there. He nodded again. "I am now," he said quietly, as Nancy rested her head against him.

They stopped by the home of Ned's other set of grandparents on the way back, and that meant seeing some of his other cousins and aunts and uncles; Ned and Nancy didn't walk into their house again until after dark. Ned carried in the leftover macaroni and cheese and put it into the refrigerator, and Nancy carried the containers of leftovers that both of Ned's grandmothers had insisted they take home with them.

Then Nancy let out a long sigh as she took off her coat. "Man. I'm beat," she told him.

"And what time is Bess picking you up?"

Nancy groaned. "Shit. I should get to bed."

But she paused at the couch to take her boots off, then reached for the television remote and turned it on. Ned hung up his own coat and saw her pull the afghan off the back of the couch to drape over her legs.

"Want a drink?"

She glanced up at him; on the news, the anchors were discussing early Thanksgiving sales and turnout, and the predictions for Black Friday's weather. "Mmm. Drink, or _drink_?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Some of that bottle I brought home a few days ago, maybe."

She nodded. "Sounds good."

The bottle was thanks to a new account; the Riesling was twelve years old, and Ned pulled out two wine glasses and poured them each a generous serving. When he brought them into the living room, Nancy sat up and reached for her glass.

"Mmm," she said approvingly, as she brought the glass just under her nose. "Definitely smells better than those ten-dollar bottles from the grocery store."

"Sure hope so," Ned commented.

"So... I think this deserves a toast," she told him.

Ned smiled. "Well, it is Thanksgiving, after all."

She lifted her glass. "To us," she said. "When I think of where we were a year ago..."

Ned shook his head. "We weren't," he said softly.

She gazed at him for a moment. " _We_ weren't," she agreed. "I remember being miserable. I remember thinking that I was going to have to learn how to be alone for the first time in my life... and realizing that no matter what, for the rest of my life, I was going to love you. It wasn't just that I was losing you; it was that I thought you already _were_ lost, to me."

"For a little while, I was," he told her, his voice still quiet. He reached up and brushed a lock of hair from her cheek. "It was like having a knife in me, but I was so afraid to do anything about it. It hurt, but taking it out was going to be worse. What we've been through in the last year and a half, it's hurt me more than anything else in my life. Losing you, losing our baby—seeing everything I had ever wanted or worked for, slipping through my fingers, and knowing it was my fault."

She sniffled. "It did hurt," she said softly. "But ever since we decided to try again..."

"It's been incredible."

She nodded. "I have the man I love back again, even though I thought that might never be possible..."

"And we're going to have a family," he told her. "We are." Her blue eyes began to gleam with tears, and he cupped her cheek. "In a year or two, we'll be able to go to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving or Christmas with a little boy or girl. We'll be kissing scraped knees and packing lunches and reading bedtime stories, and I can't wait to share that with you, Nan."

She nodded, searching his eyes. Then she released a quiet, trembling sigh and raised her glass again. "My heart has belonged to you for thirteen years now, Ned Nickerson. It will belong to you for as long as I have a breath in my body. I love you and I'm grateful every day that you came back to me, that you kept fighting for us, that you proved to me that I could trust you again. When we're together, I'm whole."

He raised his glass. "I will never deserve you," he told her. "Nothing I could give you would ever equal the gift you gave me when you took another chance on our relationship. It breaks my heart to disappoint you, and I never, never want to do that again. Your support and your love and your presence... Nan, I meant it when I said that nothing else in my life makes sense without you. You are the center. I'm helpless and hopeless without you. And I'm more grateful than I can ever possibly express, to be here with you right now. To love you and hold you and be with you, when I almost lost that chance."

She gave him a small smile. "What can I say," she whispered. "Losing you was like losing a part of me. I never want to go through that again."

"And you never will." He tapped his glass against hers. "To the rest of our lives. To the next adventure, and the next, and the one after that. No matter what else happens, as long as I have you, I know I'll be okay."

"To forever," she said, and drank half her glass. "Oh man, this is good."

Ned nodded. "And if you didn't have to get up so early in the morning, I'd suggest that we finish the bottle and then get naked and see where the night took us."

She wiped her eyes and smiled. "Which sounds like a great plan," she told him. "Guess we'll just have to skip to the getting-naked part."

Because they couldn't resist, Ned poured them each another glass of the Riesling before they went upstairs. Ned found a text message from Mike telling him what time Jan would be leaving, and telling him that he was welcome to come over anytime after that. Possibly with beer.

"Hmm. Three guys, two babies, and a case of beer sounds like it wouldn't end well," he commented as he followed his wife into their room, pressing the button that would put his phone to sleep. "Mostly the beer part."

"Maybe if it was non-alcoholic," she suggested.

"Take that back," he told her teasingly. "We would never."

She reached down and peeled her sweater up, revealing a dark-blue satin bra trimmed in silver lace. "When I saw you with that baby today, it just looked right," she told him. "I want to have that with you, so much."

"We will," he told her, stepping toward her and sliding his arms around her. He embraced her for a moment before he began to unfasten her fly. "I know we will. So all we need to focus on now is practicing until we get it right again, sweetheart. And we will."

She sat down on the bed and helped as he began to work on peeling her jeans off. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

Once she was naked, she walked over to her dresser and opened her lingerie drawer, and Ned began to take his own clothes off too. "Hmm," she murmured. "Since we'll be pregnant soon, with any luck, and this kind of thing will be off the table..."

He felt a surge of almost painful arousal in his groin at her words. "What did you have in mind?"

She pulled out the mini-bustier that left her breasts entirely bare and fastened it around her, then turned to him with her hands on her hips, and Ned couldn't have taken his eyes off her, even if he'd wanted to. Her nipples were already hard, and the sight of stiff black leather against her pale skin, the strip of strawberry-blonde curls at the join of her thighs, her dark nail polish... all of it made him ache for her.

His wife, his only lover, for the rest of their lives.

"Sex swing," she murmured, raising one sculpted eyebrow.

Ned groaned.

"Baby, you _know_ it'll be worth the wait," she said, taking a step toward him. "Imagine me in the straps, legs open, wet and tender and ready for you. Completely in your control. _Please._ "

As much as he wanted her, as much as she clearly wanted him, they had to laugh when they were setting it up and he was helping her into it. If he weren't so hard, it would have been ridiculous—but she gripped the straps near her hands and her legs were parted wide to reveal the slick pink flesh between, and Ned let her wait for it. He went to their drawer and rummaged around until he found the toys he wanted, then the lube and condoms.

"I feel like I should make some ludicrous pun," she said, when he approached her and left the toys on the bed so he could get ready. "Something about stuffing a turkey... although I feel like a stuffed turkey already, honestly."

"You are all trussed up and ready," Ned replied, his eyes sparkling.

Nancy groaned. "And I see that your pop-up thermometer says you're ready," she returned, laughing.

"Boy, how I _wish_ we were _bone-_ ing right now," Ned shot back.

By then Nancy was shaking in the swing, her head tipped back so her reddish-gold hair tumbled down, chortling. Her blue eyes were sparkling, too. "Okay, next year, I'll just have to find something with some festive buckles."

"Mmm. Black leather, like that thing you're wearing right now—"

"Ahh, come on, where's the challenge in that?"

He shot her a look. "Uh-huh. Says the woman who is strung up in a sex swing right now, who told me that she was mine." He stepped in close to her then, until he could feel the heat from her body but they weren't quite touching. "Give yourself to me, Nan."

"Yes," she murmured, gazing directly into his eyes.

"All of you."

"Yes."

He reached up and traced the back of his crooked finger down her cheek. "Are you wet for me?"

"Yes."

"And if I take the plug and work it up into that tight asshole... you'll take it and you'll like it, won't you."

She nodded, still holding his gaze; he saw her tremble a little when he slowly traced his finger down the line of her neck, over her collarbone, down to the curve of her breast and over her nipple. He rubbed his thumb over the pebbled flesh a few times before he caught it between his thumb and forefinger, then squeezed, and she swallowed, her lips parting.

"And if I make you wait for an hour," he whispered, his other hand starting at her knee and dragging up her leg, ticklish-light against her inner thigh. "That sweet pussy pulsing and hot and tender while you get more and more turned on," his fingertips barely brushed the curls between her thighs, and she jerked in the swing. "If I get down on my knees and eat out that sweet honeypot, if I lick and suck your pretty clit while you beg me to fuck you..."

"Yes," she groaned. "Oh my God, please, yes."

He caressed her more firmly as he brought his hand up to rub against her ass. "You like it when I fill you up," he growled, his voice low and rough. "Don't you, baby."

"Yes," she moaned, a plea in her voice. "I love when you make me take it. Feels so good and so _bad_ and dirty, when you fuck my ass while that big, hard cock is balls-deep in my hot wet pussy. _Mmmm_ , Ned, please..."

She wriggled when he traced his fingertip against the cleft of her ass. He remembered her telling him once that the arousal and everything else they were doing at the time was part of why she was okay with anal, and then he moved behind her, his cock brushing her ass while he wrapped his arms around her, gently teasing and stroking the line of pubic hair between her thighs, without quite touching her skin. She tipped her head back against his shoulder, her reddish-gold hair like silk as it brushed against his skin.

"You smell so good," he murmured. "Mmm. And you looked so beautiful today, Nan. Especially right now." When he barely grazed his fingertip against her clit, she shuddered, gasping out a soft cry. "That's right, honey."

The head of his cock kept gently butting against her ass without penetrating her as he cupped her breasts and began to squeeze and abuse her nipples between softer, teasing strokes, and soon she was writhing against him again. " _Yessssss_ ," she groaned. "Mmm. So good, baby."

He gave her nipples a sharp simultaneous tug and she choked. "Please," she begged him.

"Please what?"

"Make me come," she whimpered, arching as he kept stimulating her nipples. "Let me come..."

He gently bit her neck, stroking his tongue against her skin. "Mmm," he murmured, sucking brutally hard as he squeezed her breasts, moving forward so she was pressed against him. She whimpered, gasping again. "An _hour_ ," he growled. "I'm going to leave you begging for it that long, because you're mine... and by the time I let you come you'll be screaming so loud our neighbors will call the cops."

He went to the bed, leaving her trembling faintly, and wrapped the butt plug in a condom, then unwrapped another condom for his fingers. He lubed them both and then moved behind her again, tracing his fingertips against the cleft of her ass in the barest brush. He sucked against the other side of her neck as he did, and she writhed again, panting.

"Mmm," he murmured. "Here, baby..."

Once he had relaxed her enough to take it, Ned slipped his fingers out of her tight asshole and then placed the tip of the plug against her. She moaned and he felt her arch, heard her grunt as he barely began to work it inside her. Then he moved around her and ducked down to draw her sensitive nipple into his mouth.

She whimpered his name as he alternately suckled each of her nipples, pulling hard and then licking the tips, slowly working the plug inside her. Once it was in as far as it would go, he gently bit her nipple, moving back to see her face. She was flushed and panting, and when she saw him gazing at her, she deliberately spread her legs wider.

"Is that sweet pussy dripping wet for me yet?" he growled. "Or do you need some more first, you bad girl?"

"Go down on me," she begged him. "Please, Ned..."

He nipped at the undersides of her breasts, nuzzled against the boned fabric covering her waist, then kissed her belly button. Her inner thighs were already tensing and relaxing as he kneeled between her thighs.

He took his time, teasing and nuzzling against her inner thighs, kissing the waxed flesh on either side of her pubic hair. He breathed in the musky scent of her arousal, and she was panting when he finally licked the slit of her sex.

"God," she whimpered. " _More..._ "

It was such delicious torture, to feel how slick and tender her sex was when he gently licked her entrance, to hear her release a bleating cry when he finally licked her clit. By slow degrees he caressed and teased her until he finally began to penetrate her, with his tongue, with his fingers, while alternating caresses and strokes against her clit. When he felt her orgasm build, when he heard the hitches in her breathing and felt how tense she was becoming, he pulled back and smiled when she groaned in incredible frustration, more and more loudly every time.

Then he stood and worked two fingers into the slick press of her sex, his thumb gently glancing against her clit, and kissed her, rough and claiming. She responded to it immediately, eagerly, her tongue stroking against his, her hips beginning to rock as she fucked his fingers. He pulled back until just his fingertips were inside her and spanked her with his other hand, and she groaned in arousal.

By the time he had decided he was ready, he had gone down on her three times, each time more brief than the one before, because she was too sensitive and eager to hold out for long. She groaned in frustration when he rose again, and this time he went to the bed, working the cock ring onto his already almost painful erection.

He turned on the vibrator before he stepped close to her, between her spread legs, and oh she was so slick and hot against the head of his aching cock—

She screamed when he stepped forward and buried himself inside her with one brutal, firm thrust, and that scream became a loud high sob when the vibrator touched her sensitive clit. She babbled his name, profanity, desperate pleas as he grasped her ass and rutted against her, fucking her, and she was powerless to stop him. She arched, shifting the angle of her hips and his penetration, straining against the straps as her screams became low deep groans of pleasure, and the erotic sound of it made him slow down a little, to make his thrusts more deliberate.

"Fuck," she gasped. "Oh fuck fuck _fuck oh God..."_

He moved fully inside her, buried to the hilt between her thighs, and she tensed when the vibrator hummed directly against her clit for more than a kiss. "Oh my _GOD OH GODDDDDDDDDD OH NED—_ "

Her voice rose into a desperate scream as she approached her climax, bouncing against him, her tender flesh clenching around him. He took the time for another thrust, flushed and burning up and loving every second of fucking her, the wet sound of his penetration, the way her ass trembled every time he stroked it—

"Oh shit _yes yes YES!"_ She began to cry and sob at the pleasure, her sex pulsing as she reached her orgasm, and he gritted his teeth and took a step forward, and she thrashed against him at the change in his angle of penetration, and how the vibrator pressed against her clit. "Oh _fuck ohhhhhhhh oh yesss yes yesssssssss right there—_ "

She was dripping wet with arousal when he took a step back, pulling half out of her before thrusting into her again, in short sharp jerks of his hips. She arched, tipping her head back, and then she gasped in breath for a scream when he leaned down and suckled hard against her left breast.

"Yes yes _oh my Goddddd_..."

He teased and abused her other breast with his fingers as he suckled the left one, the vibrator stimulating her clit and the plug still buried in her ass, and he felt her reach another orgasm, her legs spread wide, completely vulnerable to him. Then he wrapped his arms around her prone, spasming body, lifting her out of the straps, and bore her to the bed.

Immediately she jerked her hips and flipped him onto his back, fucking him hard. "Yes yes _yes_ ," she sobbed, tossing her hair from her flushed, glowing cheeks. "Oh yes oh yes _ohhhhh_..."

When her rhythm began to slow, Ned flipped her over, moving so the vibrator was directly against her clit again, and she screamed as she reached another orgasm. Her hips and shoulders jerked, her lips parted, her chin tipped up.

"That's right," he growled, and she trembled. "I know just how you like it, baby. Just like this. It's perfect."

"Perfect," she sobbed. "Oh _yessss_..."

He grasped her hips as he finally allowed himself to come with a hoarse cry. Before he had even collapsed to her she was reaching between them to turn off the vibrator, and then he was on top of her, panting for breath.

"Mmm," she moaned a moment later. "Baby, that was so good... but the plug..."

"Mmm. Here," he murmured, and her entire body seemed to melt against the mattress once he had pulled it out. The join of her thighs was slick with her arousal and his seed and the lube, and he nuzzled against her, kissing her temple, before he found the cloth to wipe her off.

They had been tired before; now that they were both sated, they were exhausted. He asked if she was going to sleep naked and she said she wasn't, but she also didn't seem to want to open her eyes. Ned chuckled and drew her to him, both of them naked.

"Mmm. We sleep like this and we'll end up fucking again," she murmured.

"And the problem is?" he murmured, his lips against the crown of her head.

"Mmm. Good point," she replied with a little chuckle, nuzzling against him as she shifted. "Love you, baby."

"Love you too," he murmured. "Always, Nan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


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